6 months out of a relationship

Ask a Therapist Coping
1

Hi,

i’m 6 months out of a breakup and i’m no longer as sad or depressed but i remember being so upset that i had nightmares and diarrhoea for 2 weeks straight

what helped me was diarying a good thing that happened everyday, and doing shadow work according to jung’s shadow theory on a journal to help me process my feelings. I think that i had improved and glowed up since then, but i wanted to know if im truly okay

i wonder if i have anxious attachment, because i notice that im carrying the fear of rejection and losing someone onto a new crush at school. i find myself crashing out over whether she’s still friends with me, despite her constant reassurance that everything is okay. how do i cope with this?

2

Hey @pleasantseafoam9892 !

Thanks for sharing about your experience of both going through with the break up and how you have been managing – this can be so useful to some of us here in the community!

I’m so glad to hear that journalling has been helping you :blush:

I hear you on wanting to understand your “progress”, and also your awareness that perhaps you have anxious attachment patterns.

First, I would like to assure you that “progress” is truly ambiguous and non-linear, and it can be a lot more helpful for us to see improvement rather than aim for “completeness” – “completeness” might very well be a myth! Your increased awareness and consistent work on yourself tells me that you are indeed well on your journey of healing and self discovery.

On attachment, it sounds like you might perceive anxious attachment as a problem (in relation to secure attachment). Attachment patterns are just ways to name responses in important relationships to achieve the sense of safety; of course, we always like to aspire towards secure attachment, but the truth is each of us exist on a spectrum (we probably all exhibit a bit of anxious/avoidant patterns based on what we have learnt to “work” for us when we were younger). In other words, I hope you don’t see this as a problem you need to “fix”! On coping, it seems to me that you have very good awareness about your thoughts and are able to connect them to your reflexive responses. I encourage you to trust yourself that the fear of rejection you are feeling is a result of conditioned response rather than anything inherently wrong with you. This practice of self-compassion may not be a quick fix, but one that can strengthen your relationship with yourself :sunflower:

Hope this makes sense and was helpful, otherwise, please continue to write in and we can unpack this together :blue_heart:

3

Hi @pleasantseafoam9892 , thank you for reaching out!

I’m sorry to hear about the breakup, but at the same time I’m glad to know that you are no longer as sad and depressed as you used to be back then. That really shows how much effort and meaningful work you’ve put in over the past 6 months.

To your question of whether you’re “truly okay”, I think the honest answer is that you’re okay and still healing, and those two things aren’t contradictory! The physical symptoms you described (nightmares, digestive distress) are classic stress responses, and the fact that they’ve resolved suggests your nervous system has largely settled. But healing from a significant relationship doesn’t follow a clean timeline, and it makes sense that some emotional residue is showing up now that you’re developing feelings for someone new.

On the anxious attachment question, what you’re describing does fit the pattern. Anxious attachment typically involves a heightened sensitivity to signals of rejection or abandonment, a tendency to seek reassurance, and difficulty trusting that reassurance once you’ve received it. The fact that her reassurance isn’t fully landing for you is actually quite characteristic of it.

As for coping with it, here’s a few things that might help:

Notice the loop. When the anxiety spikes, try to name what’s actually happening and pen it down. Doing so can help you notice the pattern while differentiating what is driven by fear versus something that is actually happening.

Sit with the discomfort rather than seeking reassurance. Each time you resist the urge to check in or seek reassurance, you’re actually gently retraining your nervous system that the anxiety passes on its own.

Continue the shadow work.

However, if the anxiety persists and you find it hard to manage on your own, you may wish to speak to a professional. Alternatively, you may also reach out to Mindline at 1771 or WhatsApp 6669 1771 to share more :slight_smile: