I think for 20 whole years of my life I spent at least 75% of it being a mediator to my broken family, problems that were never mine to solve but I was needed since nobody learnt how to have effective and healthy communication and self awareness.
Having a big number of siblings is not a problem, but it becomes the parent’s problem when they never stepped in on how to improve/understand the different dynamics of siblings but putting us all together and hope something solves right? I am so lucky i am extremely close to my sisters thanks to intense traumabonding so much that I picked up what is “girlhood, morals, self-appreciation and COMMUNICATION” (HEAVY ON COMMUNICATION)
But all of these traumatic effects definitely gave us some ptsd and mental disorders (undiagnosed and diagnosed) sooooo there comes my other problem, balancing my sister’s mental health struggles, and mine, and being that connecting bridge on “what is mental health and how serious it is” to my own parents! And all led to my burntout for 6 months where I struggled socially/i hated myself/living day to day with the same routine, but eventually I got my ■■■■ kinda together when I begun uni! I think thats my own achievement for 2026 and Im super proud of myself! But also finding out my emotions are not regulated well AT ALL! I mean I dont expect to be perfectly okay after recovering from my lowest stage that I was in for 6 whole months that also made me found out I have memory loss problems due to extreme suppression of bad memories. I am planning to journal at least to make me have some sense of memory in case.
Everything is still in progress but damn am I super duper tired of this broken family that my emotional side can never get used to it like I cant turn fully 100% avoidant but also the feeling of being reeled in and out non stop just because I kept holding on the idea I have a supportive family is insane…