As per previous posts, my boyfriend depression has relapsed and our relationship dynamic has changed. These past few weeks have been tough on both of us as it is my first time dealing with his depression and he has been busy with work and school. There is a conflict inside of me where I want to break up with him but I still really like him. I don’t feel as happy and as emotionally secured in the relationship; When we meet, I am almost always crying because of his emotional distance. I still really like him and I have thought of building a family with him but i know i am not emotionally strong to support his depression and I am fearful of the future. He does not go for therapy or take medication because he tells me they don’t work. At the same time, I also fear if we break up, how would it impact him. I don’t want his depression to get worsened. I am hoping that when we are free in a few days time, we coulf do activities that we both enjoy and he would feel better. But in the long run, I am not confident in our future.
Dear @throwaway246
Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal — it takes a lot of strength to speak honestly about the emotional conflict you’re facing. What you’re feeling is valid, and it’s okay to hold love for someone while also acknowledging your own emotional needs and limitations. Being in a relationship with someone who is struggling with depression, especially when they are not seeking treatment, can feel incredibly heavy — even more so when you’re not feeling supported yourself.
It’s clear you care for him deeply, and that care is evident in your concern about how a breakup might affect his mental health. But your well-being matters just as much. You deserve to feel safe, supported, and emotionally connected in a relationship, not drained or burdened.
It’s also okay to admit that you may not be in the position to carry someone else’s weight while you’re hurting too. That doesn’t make you selfish — it makes you human.
If possible, gently encourage him again to consider getting professional help. But regardless of whether he accepts support, you are not responsible for his healing. You’re allowed to step back if staying is causing you emotional pain.
Maybe when you meet in a few days, it could also be a time to have an honest and kind conversation — not just about the good moments you hope to share, but about how you both feel and where you see yourselves going. Whatever decision you make, please know you’re not alone, and you’re not wrong for wanting a future where you feel emotionally safe and seen. Please continue reaching out whenever you need to. Sending strength and care your way. 
Thank you for your continuous comments and advice; i really appreciate them. I do face difficulty in talking about this heavy topic with him. I am not sure how to begin it in a clear but also gentle manner; Could you offer any advice?
Dear @throwaway246
You’re most welcome, and thank you for opening up — it’s clear that you care deeply about him, and that this is weighing heavily on your heart.
When you’re navigating both your partner’s mental health and your own emotional needs, it can be incredibly difficult to begin such an honest conversation. Here’s a gentle approach you can consider:
1. Choose the right moment
Try to speak when both of you are relatively calm and not already overwhelmed. A quiet, private moment — not during or right after an emotional episode — can help set a safer space.
2. Use “I” statements
This helps keep the focus on your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example:
“I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed and confused lately, and I think it’s important I share this with you honestly.”
3. Acknowledge his struggles
Let him know you see his pain:
“I know you’re going through something really difficult, and I care about you so much.”
4. Be honest about your own needs
It’s okay to express that you’re struggling too:
“Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in emotions too, and I’m not sure how to cope. I want to support you, but I also need to be honest about how I’m doing.”
5. Don’t rush decisions
You don’t have to decide everything in one conversation. You could say:
“I’m not sure what the right next step is, but I feel like we need to talk about how this is affecting us both. Maybe we can take some time to figure things out together — or separately.”
If it helps, you can even write down what you want to say ahead of time or begin the conversation with a message if that feels safer.
This isn’t easy — you’re doing your best in a tough situation. Whatever decision you make, know that prioritising your emotional health is not selfish — it’s necessary.
Hi @throwaway246 ,
Thank you for opening up about this. Your feelings are completely valid, and it’s clear how much you care for your boyfriend’s well-being and your relationship. It’s okay to feel conflicted, loving someone while struggling with the emotional toll of their depression is incredibly difficult. You’re showing so much compassion by worrying about how a breakup might affect him, but your own emotional health matters just as much.
It’s understandable that you don’t feel as happy or secure right now. Depression can create distance in relationships, and it’s painful when the person you love feels emotionally unavailable. You’re not wrong for questioning whether you can sustain this dynamic long-term, especially if he’s resistant to therapy or medication. Supporting a partner with depression is a heavy burden to carry alone, and it’s okay to acknowledge that it might be more than you can handle. That doesn’t make you selfish or uncaring.
If you’re hoping to reconnect through shared activities, that’s a kind and thoughtful approach. Sometimes small moments of joy can help, but remember: you can’t “fix” his depression, nor is it your responsibility to do so. If he’s unwilling to seek professional help, that may limit how much the relationship can heal or grow.
It might help to reflect on what you need to feel emotionally safe and fulfilled in a relationship. Would staying in this dynamic drain you further? Whatever you decide, please know that your feelings are important, and prioritizing your well-being is important for yourself and (indirectly) for him. You deserve support too. Sending you warmth and strength. 
Thank you so much for this guide! I just want to share with you that my boyfriend is feeling better and he is less distant now 
He revealed to me that he also had the same dilemma as me but because we both like each other a lot, we are continuining our relationship; Hopefully, we aill be able to overcome the problems in the long run. Thank you for monitoring my problem Reallt appreciate it a lot
Hi @throwaway246,
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of emotional weight right now, balancing your own feelings alongside your boyfriend’s struggles. You deeply care about him, and it’s evident that his depression is impacting the way you experience the relationship. This shift in your dynamic has left you feeling uncertain and emotionally vulnerable, especially since it’s the first time you’re navigating this side of his mental health. Your sadness when you’re together and the emotional distance you feel must be incredibly difficult, especially because you still envision a future with him but are unsure if you have the capacity to support him in the way he might need.
At the same time, you’re feeling torn; trapped between wanting to stay and wanting to leave. You recognize that his well-being is intertwined with your decisions, and the fear of what a breakup could do to him weighs on you. It’s clear that you want the best for him, but you also acknowledge the toll this situation is taking on your own happiness and emotional security. You’re trying to balance your needs and his, yet the uncertainty of whether he will seek help or if the relationship will regain stability adds to your anxiety about the future.
Your hope that spending quality time together soon might bring some relief reflects how much you want things to improve, even if just for a moment. You’re searching for ways to reconnect and ease the heaviness of the past few weeks. However, deep down, you know that temporary moments of happiness may not be enough to sustain the relationship in the long run. The lack of confidence in your future together seems to be rooted in the realization that, despite your love for him, the emotional burden of supporting his depression feels overwhelming.
What you’re feeling is valid. It’s understandable to want to be there for someone you care about while also recognizing your own limitations. You deserve emotional security and happiness in your relationship, just as much as he deserves support. It sounds like you’re at a crossroads, weighing your own needs against his, and that’s an incredibly difficult place to be. Whatever decision you make, know that prioritizing your well-being is not selfish; it’s necessary for both of you to have a fulfilling relationship, whether together or apart.
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
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