i decided to talk to my mama about like everything .. and i like lowkey wasnt in the right state of mind and actually told her that i despised her for what she has done to me. But, she started debunking everything i said i hated and pushed it to like, make it my fault. and now i truly think its my fault and im just over exaggerating everything and all of this will be over soon eventually. But, ive been feeling like this for years and its suddenly just all coming to me, probably cause i refused to talk to anyone about it because i thought that nobody truly cared about me and i still very much do think that. omg i cant im just like so sad rn and ive been crying for so long and i regret just saying anything to her or anyone else because i feel like everyone just hates me. and now my mama is in her room crying probably thinking its her fault, well it is. or maybe it isnt? i dont know. i dont know what to think anymore, lately i feel like i dont really understand anything or myself. im so overwhelmed by everything, i like someone one day and i hate them the next. I get super attached when im showed even a little bit of care, and get jealous and envious whatever blah blah blah.. omg , everyone has been so irritating recently and i cant tell why i feel this way its so bad. also all these thoughts have been affecting my studies and this is an impt year so i srsly just want to get help. but omg i dont know what to do, cuz what if im fine and everything is okay. cuz just not i was feeling so happy and notings wrong, and now everything turned to â– â– â– â– and stuff. also i struggle with other stuff like my ahem.. gender.. which has also affected me really bad!! i just dont know what to do guys i really dont i feel like â– â– â– â– and i feel like i dont deserve happiness.
Hi @productivesquirrel3182 thank you for sharing!
What you’re carrying sounds genuinely exhausting, and the fact that you’ve been holding all of this in for years makes it even heavier. It makes sense that it all came pouring out.
I do want to gently push back on one thing. The fact that your mama cried and tried to reframe things as your fault doesn’t mean it is your fault! That’s a really common response when someone feels confronted, even if they love you but that doesn’t erase what you experienced or how real it was for you…
It stood out to me from what you’ve shared about the emotional swings, getting really attached when someone shows you care, feeling like you hate someone one day and love them the next, not really knowing yourself, the gender stuff, the years of feeling like nobody cares, these aren’t signs that you’re “fine and overexaggerating.” In fact, these are signs that something real is going on inside you and I would strongly encourage you to get the proper support and attention that you deserve. You may take the first step by approaching your school counsellor!
I’m also quite concerned when you mentioned “all of this will be over soon eventually.” May I know what you mean by that?
oh i meant like, all these horrible feelings will disappear with time. not commit​
i fear death
Idk about school councillors, i know alot of people who have gone for councilling and have horrible experiences. I mean i guess its because they tell everything to your parents.
Thank you for clarifying!
I understand the fear and uncertainty when it comes to school counsellors, especially after hearing so many negative experiences. But a lot of the time, I would say it really depends on a case by case basis from individual to individual. What your classmates experienced may not necessarily reflect yours, and so I would like to encourage you to give it a try. It doesn’t have to be everything that you shared today, but rather just one thing that you feel comfortable enough to share to start off!