I’m in a bad place. For months I felt like quitting my high pressure job. It is high visibility, supporting senior management which means that turnaround needs to be fast, accurate and complete, all without much specific directions. Expectations to know everything at the top of my head and support any and all adhoc activites too. In rank, I am relatively junior and been through multiple job roles. Unfortunately (or fortunately), these roles are also typically pressure cooker roles (project manager for multimillion regional project and left to struggle and survive).
On the side, I’ve been trying to setup a way out for the past 5 years, working on projects and building production-ready apps from ground up and launched to real users. Many did not work out due to partner mismatch (backstabs, not committed, lack of execution). I am of finance background and a self taught developer. Effectively working 365 days a year, after work hours and on weekends. Rarely, a mild break when I am on vacation overseas as I have no access to my devices.
The only reason I am staying is because of my partner and how bad the economy is (and my multi career switches might not be strong - and im not sure what i can go for). My partner is not being comfortable due to house coming next year. I have more than 60% in cash + CPF ready (not including emergency funds of >60k) but is still not secured. The concern is mortgage requiring a job and I’m expected to shoulder it.
Lately, it has gotten worse. I felt like I lost something. I cannot put it into words but something about me is wrong and I lost something important. Sometimes I wished I could restart everything. I started hating my situation and my life.
My blood pressure has risen to consistently 130+ and sometimes 140+. Consistently feeling tired and dreading work. Falling sick easily (not sure if it’s due to common cold going around).
Still, my goal is still to run my own business and not be in the rat race.
May i know what would you do if you were in my position or if you have any advice?
Hi @balancedhummingbird8495, that’s a heavy load you’ve been carrying. The fact that you’ve kept going this long, building skills and apps on top of a demanding job, speaks to a lot of determination. But it also sounds like you’re running close to empty.
The feeling of having “lost something” that you can’t quite name resonates with what burnout often looks like. It’s not just tiredness; it’s a kind of hollowness where even things you used to care about feel distant.
On the practical side, I wouldn’t presume to tell you exactly what to do since you know your situation best, but a few things seem worth thinking through. The mortgage pressure is real, but you mentioned having strong cash reserves, it might be worth having an honest conversation with your partner about what “secure enough” looks like for you both. Regarding the job situation, leaving without a plan can be risky, but staying may not be the best answer as well.
To sum this all up, please do see a doctor for the blood pressure if you haven’t already done so. If you feel like you need to speak someone as things are overwhelming, feel free to call/text to National Mindline 1771 anytime. Take care!
It seems entirely understandable and natural that you are feeling drained, working not just a day job, but also using the remainder of your day building an alternative career. I hear a lot of determination and grit, yet I feel concerned about your wellbeing.
I also sense that you do wish to let go of some commitments to meet some of your needs, real needs, of rest and mental bandwidth, but consideration for your partner is holding you back. I encourage you to have an open and honest discussion with your partner to find flexibility and alternatives to the current situation – often things are not so black and white, and expectations can always be renegotiated
Your body and your mind seem to be signalling to you that a change is needed, and I assure you that you do not need to restart in order to make that change. Let’s try scaling back on the “change” and focus on the next step: what is something you can let go of now that can create space for yourself? It can be a really small thing, a chore perhaps.
I completely understand that our environment does not make it easy for us to always choose what feels right for us, but our body and mind deserve our care so we can keep going and figure things out along the way.
Please take care of yourself and we will be here to support you
