Feeling overwhelmed as a mother

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I am a mother of a 5-year-old daughter. I work full-time in the office while also managing most of the caregiving responsibilities at home, including taking care of her daily needs, planning her routine, educating and guiding her, cooking, and household chores.

My husband does help when he can, such as washing the dishes after meals. He is also very busy with work as he is the main financial support of our family, and I know he has his own stress as well.

Last week, my mother came to help. She sent and picked up my daughter from school, cooked, bathed her, and slept with her. During that time, I felt supported and less overwhelmed.

After my mother returned home, I started feeling very lost and anxious. I broke down and cried intensely for a few hours, and for the past few days I have continued crying. I keep saying that I don’t want to take care of my daughter, nag her, or keep guiding and educating her anymore. I love my daughter deeply, but I feel exhausted and unable to cope with all these responsibilities right now.

I also feel weak and guilty toward my husband, thinking that I am not a good wife or a good mother. I cannot seem to control my tears and emotions.

I feel tired, overwhelmed, and lost. I would like to understand what may be happening to me and how I can manage these feelings.

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Dear @consideratemoonflower397

Thank you for writing in to share your experiences. I see that you have been carrying multiple responsibilities for a long time including caregiving, household, and full time employment. All this while , you have had little or no help and understandably you accepted the situation as the norm. You caught no break.

When your mother came to visit, she relieved some of these household and child caregiving duties. The relief helped you realise the breadth and depth of responsibilities you have been carrying. Unfortunately mother has left and you are feeling sad and overwhelmed, feeling you are not good enough and unable to cope.

The thought “I don’t want to take care of my daughter” can feel alarming, but it does not mean you do not love her. Negative automatic spiralling thoughts are common especially when we are exhausted, burnout and stretched.

The guilt you’re feeling toward your husband and your role as a mother are also common when someone is overwhelmed. Do be kind to yourself. You have already been doing your best and giving it your all the whole time. This has however taken a toll on your wellbeing.

A few gentle steps that I recommend for you to consider :

Lower the pressure on yourself for a while focus on the basics, not doing everything “well”

Let your husband know clearly that you’re overwhelmed and need more consistent support, not just occasional help

Try to bring back some form of help if possible (your mother, regular part-time help)

Give yourself small breaks where you’re not responsible for anything, even briefly.

Do also consider calling the national mindline at 1771. The counsellors there can help connect you with suitable resources to help you learn to cope and manage your emotions more effectively. The hotline operates 24/7 so you can get immediate help whenever needed.

Please reach out for support soon, so that you can get the help you need. You are clearly a responsible and capable mother, and trying your best. You are not alone and things will get better with some changes so keep your chin up.:yellow_heart: