For the most part i could tell people were gossiping, like i can feel the gossip and judgement in their eyes when we make eye contact, i can even feel it in the room. But for the most part ive been ignoring it, bc as long as they dont ask i dont care about them at all. I had no idea the extent of gossip. But then yesterday someone asked. And now its opened up a million different thoughts and im overthinking now. Ive never failed to fall asleep for 3hours because of overthinking until yst. And like i didnt know the extent of the gossip was this bad. I answered the person however i felt like it, but i feel like the person has his own interpretation of what i said, like society’s interpretation. I know i dont care that ppl are talking so i just answered however how i felt like, but at the same time i feel like was i painting the wrong picture by not caring at all how he interprets it? Like now im sure he has some misformed judgement about me now. Should i have just spent additional effort thinking about how society will perceive my response and tailor my answer to that? But at the same time i dont care what society thinks as long as they dont disturb me and my peace, so that would also be a total waste of effort on my part. But will i regret this in the future? This is what i fear at least. I asked him ‘so is wtv i say going to end up with 10 other people’ and he was like no, but you never know do you. And this is annoying because im too busy with schoolwork to sit down and process my anger at society’s incorrect assumptions, so rn its very annoying because the thoughts keep coming when im trying to do work. What should i do in the short term at least so that i can focus on work, until i have time to sit down and journal?
Dear @user347658
Thank you for writing in on this issue.
Firstly, may I commend you for journalling and reflecting instead of reacting. I think this shows a lot of maturity and suggests to me that you are actually handling this better than you think.
It makes sense that being directly asked triggered overthinking. When we feel judged or misunderstood, our brain goes into threat mode. That could be the reason why sleep is impacted and thoughts keep looping.
In my view, I believe you answered honestly which is a sign of courage and conviction. You stayed true to yourself. I have observed that is almost next to impossible to interpret or control what others think of us as most people perceive us through their own lens and filters.
For now, to focus on school, may I recommend to:
- Tell yourself: “I’ll think about this later when I journal.” Postpone the thoughts.
- Do a quick 3-minute brain dump before studying.
- Take a few slow breaths (inhale 4 counts, exhale 6 counts) to calm your body.
Also, as this is affecting your sleep and concentration, consider talking to a trusted family member or your school counsellor. You don’t have to carry this alone.
Please know that you are only human for being affected. Take some of the small steps suggested soon to reduce your distress.