We have been together for almost 15 years, married for 6. Personally, I have felt unhappiness since few years back. Things originally got better when we had a kid, however 4 years in, it actually became worse.
We constantly quarrel due to the difference in our parenting styles. We had tried to “embrace” each other’s style but that did not work out. Instead, I think it just added to us supporting our points and chiding each other that the other’s methods don’t work.
From his POV, I am constantly siding with our child and never on his side. He hates it when I jump in while he is discipling and feels I am overprotective.
However, I prefer to assess based on logic rather than who is of authority. I believe in giving our child space to regulate his emotions instead of forcing acceptance. When our child is in the wrong, I do tell him and get him to acknowledge his mistakes, just not in the way my spouse prefers it to be done.
Being the main caregiver, I spend the most time with our child while he prefers to focus on daily chores and being the one to stock up on baby supplies.
At times, when he does get involved, the 2 would end up in some form of argument. However, I do feel our child’s defiance towards him is due to the lack of interaction in our day to day.
What frustrates me is him choosing to be absent (constantly being glued to phone) and only stepping in during the “discipline” part.
Separately, I have also felt disconnected from him for a long time. Even before having a kid, it felt like the effort put in maintaining the relationship was non existent. This only worsens after having a kid as we both are constantly tired.
Many of times, he is only willing to do activities if friends or family are involved - E.g., Dismissing my idea of a family trip (just 3 of us), but is okay if his mom or our friends are coming along. Even simple trips to the beach is a chore to him unless his friends and their kids are joining. Spoke to him about this but he denied it strongly.
Birthdays forgotten, and it feels like he doesn’t even know what food I like or don’t like anymore. Over the years, I constantly debate with myself on whether I am being over sensitive.
The whole unhappiness have been quite one sided until recently. We have not spoken anything outside of daily needs for our child for the past 2 months. I know that is on me as I chose to be indifferent to him and he probably caught on it now.
Talking things out doesn’t work as I have always been upfront (since he doesn’t get hints) about how I feel but it always ends up getting dismissed or turning into a fight.
Given how things are panning out, I am starting to wonder if divorce would be the right way out.
