Hello! Is it normal to have ■■■■■■ coping mechanisms to relieve emotions? I stalk people (online) to give me high, but it’s become really bad since I find out a lot of information about people and this is ruining my friendships. Doesn’t help that my schedule is basically go to school, train and then go home and sleep. I had loss of appetite lately (especially in meats, so much that my mom had to physically remove my carbohydrates so I would eat the meat) and headaches. It’s worse now, since something happened to my friend that I won’t disclose, and while I didn’t outright do anything wrong, I’m really sorry I didn’t help her. So yeah my headaches are still there and I really just don’t want to do anything but rot or cry in the shower. I don’t know what counts as SH if it’s just pain no blood but my coping mechanisms are probably really bad. I’m only here because I promised my friend that I would come here and get help.
Hello @user751091. It’s really good that you’re here, even if it took a promise to get you to reach out. That still counts.
What you’re describing sounds genuinely exhausting. The physical symptoms, the guilt about your friend, the feeling of just wanting to rot or cry. That’s a lot to be carrying, especially on top of a packed schedule that doesn’t leave much room to breathe.
To answer your question directly: yes, it’s very common for people to develop coping mechanisms that give short-term relief but cause longer-term problems. The online stalking giving you a “high” makes sense as a pattern it’s stimulating, it gives you a sense of control or information, and it probably distracts you from harder feelings. But you already know it’s costing you, which is why you’re asking.
On the self-harm question, I want to be honest with you. Deliberately causing yourself physical pain to cope, even without blood, is generally considered a form of self-harm. The specific method matters less than the function it’s serving. I’m not saying that to alarm you, but because you deserve a clear answer rather than a vague one.
The combination of things you’re describing eg. the loss of appetite, headaches, low motivation, emotional numbness, guilt, and using pain to cope these are signs that you’d really benefit from talking to someone properly, like a counsellor or a mental health professional. Not because you’re broken, but because you’re clearly dealing with more than coping mechanisms alone can handle right now.
Since you’re a student, your school likely has a counsellor you can approach. That might be the most accessible first step. Would that be something you’d be open to trying?
Thank you. I’ll try to reach out to my school counsellor when school reopens. (My friends are supporting me to do that, and I think I should, too.)