It sounds so ■■■■■■ up but I don’t want to be better. Every time I get an opportunity to better myself, I don’t, I shy away from it and run like a coward.
Example, if I see a “self care” post, I scroll away. Another example, my verbal communication skills are ■■■■, but I don’t watch videos or take advice from others, I even get mad!
I actually feel like I want to get worse, to rot at my house and do nothing, right now, I feel like quitting my now job and just lay in bed all day
I seriously don’t know what to do
Hey @user8478
I read a few times and no, not because it shocked me, but because it sounds like someone is pushing away pressure.
What you described about scrolling past self-care posts, getting irritated at advice, and thinking about quitting your job just to stay in bed, it reads like everything related to “improving” feels heavy, maybe even irritating, the moment it appears. It feels that you wanting to “get worse” isn’t about wanting harm. It’s about wanting the demands to stop. No fixing, no effort, no reminder that you should be doing more.
I can imagine when you picture staying in bed all day, it feels like relief?
Having the courage to say “I don’t know what to do” is already honest. We can sit there for now without turning it into advice or a plan. How does that sound for you?