I’ve had this regret for months… it has never stopped even when I thought it was finally stopping. When it happened I thought I’d definitely stop ruminating after a month but boy was I completely wrong. I don’t know what to do. It’s been so long and it’s showing no sign of stopping. I want to turn back time very badly, I’m afraid this worry and regret will last years
Honestly, the more I worry, the more I do things to prevent it and the worse it gets because of it and thus the more I worry. It’s like a loop I can never get out of. I think I’ve already exacerbated the worry and made it more likely to happen so much more compared to when the regret initially started
Dear @user 7467
Thank you for writing in again, seeking ways to reduce the feelings of anxiety, worry and regret over a past action. Please know that many among us can identify with these feelings and very familiar with the associated distress that comes with it.
It is therefore understandable that the feelings of anxiety, worry and regret are present even now although the incident happened a month ago.
I suggest speaking to a counsellor from your school soon to unpack and process the incident, your part in it and what actions you could take to set things right, if possible. The counsellor can also coach you on building your psychological flexibility. This will equip you with skills to train your mind to quieten down its overthinking. You could also learn to make space for discomfort while you live guided by your values.
Please know that I believe many humans have some aspect of their lives they wish they could go back to change or make different choices. You are therefore definitely not alone.
I have also observed that by keeping oneself grounded to the present moment can help reduce ruminations about the past.
Whenever you are ready, let us know which recommendations you have tried out.
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Hi @user7467 Thank you for sharing! I think you’re definitely not alone in this struggle🫶 it’s normal to ruminate on things even if they happened a long time ago :’) like what @CaringBee mentioned, it would be best to speak to a professional! But to add on to the ‘keeping oneself grounded’ part, I think some deep breathing in the moment will help and perhaps journaling and noticing patterns in the way your thoughts flow, maybe you could try challenging them and looking at the thoughts and regret from different perspectives?
Healing takes time and I think what you need most right now patience and love from yourself 
worrying about worrying may only ‘exacerbate’ the worry like you said, so be kind to yourself:heart: feel free to share more
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I don’t know what to do for the 2 months of school holidays. I don’t have anyone to hang out with. I don’t want to be home with these thoughts consuming me. I don’t know where to go
I’ve tried everything that was suggested to me and it works but I have not reached out to a professional because I don’t have money and I don’t like online sessions
The only way for me to forget is to go back to school or something, I don’t know
Hi @user7467 Have you tried inviting your family members or friends for an outing? Or you can try engaging in a hobby or learning something new Taking walks outdoors can help clear your mind too and calm yourself down when you encounter the worries. These are some methods that could help you get your mind off your worries but this would mostly likely be temporary. It would still be best to seek help from a professional to get to the root of the issue.
Hmmmm I understand that money is a concern but have you given the helplines a try? Or perhaps you can try seeking help from your school counsellor(is there some way to contact them eg via email or you might need to go back to school?) Moving on from a regret can be very difficult especially when it weighs you down so much, but you really don’t have to face it alone:heart: you’re not alone:heart:
please consider calling these helplines!
**national mindline 1771:**national mindline 1771 is Singapore’s first national mental health helpline and textline service. Talk to a mental health counsellor 24/7. Anonymous & confidential support when you need it.
Call 1771
TOUCHline: TOUCH provides counselling support for youths facing emotional and mental health challenges
Call 1800-377-2252
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Thanks for the resources
I’m sec 4 so I’ve already graduated, I don’t know whether my school counselor will be working doing the school holidays
I don’t have many friends and my family members are all busy.
Maybe going to school would make me feel better, and I’m now trying to find some planned activity I can join, I don’t know
Dear @user7467
Hope the resources shared are helpful!
For school counsellors they may still be available on some days so do check with them on their availability.
May we also encourage you to consider part time work and volunteering ? Please discuss with your parents and get their inputs and support first though .
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Okay
I don’t think school counselors would be of much help since I won’t be in school next year but I’ll check if mine is available during the holidays
Would you recommend me checking grovve out
My mind feels like a prison and keeps torturing me with these thoughts i am unable to let go of them
Hi @user7467,
Yes, I’d recommend that you check out Grovve’s mental health services!
They are available for youths aged 13 to 25, and are also provided completely free-of-charge. So you don’t have to worry about finances as the counselling services won’t cost you a dime.
If you are looking for more information, you may visit their website here: https://www.mindline.sg/grovve/grovve
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Thanks
Other than events and counseling, do they offer anything else? Can I just walk in?
I honestly want school to start sooner so I can escape from these torturous thoughts
Hi @user7467,
I am not too sure about their other offerings; perhaps you may wish to speak to the Grovve concierge once you drop-in at the centre! They should be able to provide you with more up-to-date information.
And yes, they do allow walk-ins.
My current issue here is a lack of distraction so I’m hoping that place would alleviate it
I don’t have friends to distract myself with. Each small thing reminds me of this trepidation. I really have no one
Dear @user7467
I can sense how alone you are currently feeling. Please do not be discouraged, dear. Take small steps to participate in group activities as it can increase your opportunities to meet others with similar interests. I believe this can slowly grow your group of friends.
Keep going and reach out to the community here too. Things will improve so keep your chin up.
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My mind keeps insisting that I am screwed from this one incident even though I’ve been told to let go
Dear @user7467
Yes, it’s common, our mind does tend to generate a lot of automatic negative thoughts. Practise keeping some distance between the thought and yourself by saying, my mind is having the thought, “ ….”. By doing so, you learn to hold thoughts lightly, and eventually thoughts lose their stifling grip on us.
Please also consider calling the national mindline we mentioned earlier (at 1771) with some immediacy. You don’t have to go through this alone anymore.
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Thank you:))
I don’t know if it’s right for me to vent in this place every time this issue occurs.
And recently, my mind is telling me to investigate things, and when I get closure from it it only provides temporary relief but then I feel more compelled to investigate more when my mind tells me to search again, and then I’m caught in an endless loop of just investigating and investigating Does that make sense?
I feel like the only way out of this pain is to die, but that would be very selfish as I have a loving family and I’m very privileged.
Dear @user7467
Yes, please know your actions to keep on investigating are understandable but it is not healthy as it’s going into overdrive. I’m noticing you are also recognising you are stuck in an unhelpful never ending loop.
I’m gathering that venting here helps momentarily but you need to speak to a counsellor urgently. Please seek help immediately by calling SOS at 1767 https://www.sos.org.sg/ as I sense you are not safe from harm (from what you have shared). You can also call 995 or go down to the nearest hospital A&E dept. Please do not suffer alone anymore. Your life is deeply precious and you matter, dear.
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