If you read this post and judge me or what i dont care.
why am i feeling like this?
All my old friends are having girlfriends and enjoying their early 20s while here i am just surviving from myself.
I am inevitably at war with myself. Why is it that no girl wants to be friends or talk to me? Why is it that everytime i have an interaction with a girl, something just isnt right. Like they know something is not right with me so they leave. I know something is not right with me, I have a serious problem, but I cant ■■■■■■■ do anything about it.
1. i dont know what the issue even is.
2. there is way too many issues with me. nothing fits with anyone.
I feel like i just dont have it in me to be a romantic partner to anyone. Something always goes wrong. Nothing works, i dont have anything else anymore.
when someone mentioned an old friend being in a loving relationship for a long time. I am crushing myself, I go to war with myself. Because what the ■■■■ am i even doing with my life?! Everyones there living their best lives getting girlfriends, getting through in life, having lots of friends, while here i am getting scammed of all of my ■■■■■■■ savings because i was so ■■■■■■■ lonely that i was so gullible to anything. Now working a part time job just to barely scrap up any sense of personal value left in me. I am left with nothing and i know its all my fault.
Love will never be free. Unconditional love does not exist. It is a phrase that i hate hearing. People who claim to be receivers of unconditional love are just unaware that they are somehow benefitting both parties constantly. If one of them are left with nothing from a preventable tragedy, how many will stay behind? How many will see value in them? How sure can you be that they wont leave for something better? Emotions never last and they are most certainly never 100% truthful.
I am also sick and ■■■■■■■ tired of people feeding me the stupud ■■■■■■■ lie of “ohh you are decently good looking, you should have no problem getting one soon” and “you will get one in uni”. The data is there, the numbers and evidence is there. It is fact that I will never have a chance with any girl. No matter how much i try, it will never work and it is just a cheap way to make me feel better and i ■■■■■■■ hate it now. It feels like betrayal, you dont want to hear anymore so you just delude me by saying a bunch of ■■■■■■■ lies. I wont fall for it anymore.
Oh and also true friends dont need anything to be given? ■■■■ no. The only reason friendships last long is because we benefit from each other. Be it money or gifting company. It is never about the self fitting with others, it was always about trading of benefits.
I feel like im crushing myself. my mind is full of artillery bombardment. This is the same feeling of despair i get when i am failing at the bench press. The feeling of not having the strength to continue pushing the weight up but still able to hold it just barely.
Just tell me, How the ■■■■ do you expect anyone (girl or not) to handle this kind of ■■■■■■■ loser of a person ?
you know i get told alot that i am not alone, but i think its bullshit. My experiences are my own. Everyone has their own experiences too. But they always just talk about themselves and i really listen. But no one ■■■■■■■ listens to MY own experiences with the same degree as i do. So please, what the ■■■■ do you mean that I am not alone? Just cheap and quick way to make me feel better to get me to stop talking about this ■■■■? Or am I just negatively gifted that im out of everyones league?
I just cannot take the pressure anymore, i dont give a ■■■■ anymore. Im tired and i want to just sleep properly tonight.
