I’m a teenager who already has a lot of support in terms of resources, but I’m just not getting better. I went through a breakup, drank lots of alcohol to cope, had difficulties in school, etc.
It’s just frustrating because I feel like I shouldn’t be having such a rough time because I was doing so well with my counselling sessions, therapy, medication, journaling, even picking up hobbies like learning a new language and playing an instrument. I always knew my willpower and resilience was poor, I fear I have a very weak mindset and find trouble bouncing back. I often have periods of “lows” but I’ve always been able to function, even excelling despite everything. I’ve won competitions, received many prizes and joined clubs, so I’ve undoubtedly achieved a lot, my grades were always above average too.
At a recent session I had, I was asked what I thought/viewed of my achievements, and honestly, I didn’t think much of them. Just that, I did them. A relief, that expectations were met, or that I didn’t do badly.
I just felt like ranting because I find myself disappointed and tears keep falling. Now, I’m at a low point but can’t function at the same capacity as before, I’m not punctual to classes, been ignoring friends and family and running away from appointments. It’s frustrating because it feels like I’m never going to be able to “fix” my battery.
Hi there ChocoAlmonds, thank you for reaching out today!
Firstly, I just want to say that It takes alot of courage and strength to share that you are struggling, it takes effort to do so. It sounds to me that you are currently alot on your own and might be too hard on yourself. A breakup, alcohol used to cope, struggling in school, any one of those on their own is a lot. Together, they’re a real weight.
The fact that even after winning competitions, receiving many prizes, joining clubs while maintaining above average grades, you just register it as ‘just expectations’ says alot about the high standards you hold yourself to. That gap between what you’ve done and how little credit you give yourself for it might be part of what’s exhausting you. If nothing you do ever feels like enough, the battery is always going to feel like it’s draining faster than it charges.
The “weak mindset” framing worries me a little, because I don’t think that’s what’s happening here. What you’re describing sounds more like someone who has been running on high for a long time and is now hitting a wall. That’s not weakness, that’s being human.
Lastly, I want to challenge on the part of skipping appointments. I understand the impulse to withdraw when things feel heavy, but those sessions are probably the most useful thing right now, especially when you don’t feel like going. You don’t need to fix yourself. You just need to keep showing up, imperfectly. If that feels too difficult, you can always reach out to someone over at Mindline 1771 to call or Whatsapp 6669 1771 to speak to someone and get the support you need and deserve. You are not alone ChocoAlmonds.
Hi @ChocoAlmonds , thanks for sharing all of this with us here.
I’m hearing a lot of internal conflict within yourself: feeling like you should not feel something and yet you do; feeling critical about your abilities in spite of actual, tangible achievements. If you’d like, we can unpack more of this right here In your opinion, (i) what would seem like “good enough” achievements for you, and (ii) how do you feel like you should be feeling after going through a breakup + experienced school difficulties?
I feel sad to hear how hard you are on yourself. It is only normal to take a step back when life gets overwhelming. Yet I can assure you that life will not always be overwhelming I encourage you to think back to a specific time when you felt “recharged” and recall what some of the qualities within yourself you drew upon were. The thing about all of us is that these strengths do not easily erode, they are waiting to re-emerge when you are ready.
In your opinion, (i) what would seem like “good enough” achievements for you, and (ii) how do you feel like you should be feeling after going through a breakup + experienced school difficulties?