Hi, I’ve been feeling really stressed at work lately and am at the point where I just want to give up, prioritise myself, and stop caring so much about my team. I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable.
I’m in a team of 4, including myself, and we each have our own projects. One teammate, A, hardly comes into the office because her work doesn’t require her to. The rest of us are more office-based.
I’ve become quite frustrated with A and B. A doesn’t come into the office much but tends to give a lot of comments on my work. B is the newest member of the team (around 10 months in) and I find him quite blur at times and more likely to follow along rather than take initiative. I often feel like there are gaps that others have to cover, which has been frustrating.
Our team also has very little project coverage. If I go on MC/leave, my project basically pauses because nobody else is familiar with it. Or they don’t even bother asking if I need help. I raised this to my boss and suggested having another project IC as backup. My boss tried to bring it up with the team, but everyone said they were already busy with their own work and didn’t see the need.
Teammate C was initially the teammate I thought I could rely on. She works hard and is generally caring and nice. However, there have been several times where I raise a frustration to her and she initially agrees with me, but later suddenly changes her stance and says it’s not a big deal. She also later told me privately that she didn’t see the need for additional project coverage. I found this quite disappointing and confusing, and eventually I stopped sharing things with her because I don’t know where she actually stands. She is too neutral.
Recently, some of my projects were nearing completion. Things had already been discussed many times and endorsed by our bosses, but two months ago, Teammate A suddenly started questioning why things were done a certain way, in our team WhatsApp chat (with bosses inside). What frustrated me was that these comments came only when everything was almost done. I couldn’t handle it and my boss has told me to just treat A’s comments as suggestions, but honestly, it still feels disappointing coming from my own teammate. Just last week, other teammates also started commenting on my work even more and other colleagues’ in our other WhatsApp chat (without bosses). I decided to replied saying the decisions were already endorsed and there was a reason why it was done this way. I didn’t bother explaining it further. Just disappointed that Teammate C also became like this when she already knows I don’t like it.
So I’ve started distancing myself. I still do my work properly, but I don’t feel like putting so much emotional investment into the team anymore.
Then came the lunch issue. Teammate C suggested having team lunches every Monday. A said every week would be difficult for her, and I didn’t respond. Later C asked me directly if I wanted to eat with the team. I said I was waiting for another team because I usually eat with them. I’m fine with team lunches occasionally, but I don’t want weekly lunches to become an obligation. Lunch is my own unpaid time, and I don’t think I’m obliged to spend it with my team.
What I don’t understand is why I seem to be the one being questioned about this. Teammate A hardly comes into the office and already said weekly lunches are difficult for her, so why am I being singled out? I just don’t understand why I can’t also choose who I spend my lunch with.
Today C asked me again if I really didn’t want to eat with the other teammates. I told her honestly that I’m tired of the comments they give, especially when they only raise them after I’ve already finished things. She knows how I feel but keeps pushing the lunch idea. I’m not sure if my boss asked her to do this or if she’s just trying to maintain team bonding.
I’m not completely refusing to eat with my team. I just don’t want my lunch time to become another obligation when I’m already drained by the team dynamics.
At this point, I just want to show up, do my work properly, and have my own space outside work without becoming the problem. At this point, I’m just thinking am I being unreasonable? What should I do? Thank you for reading.