Hello. I may come off as a goofy guy or someone who doesn’t care about what’s going on on the surface. Cos that’s how I usually am.
I have a part of me that really doesn’t care. I could trip and fall embarrassingly and and get up and move on without thinking much. I could see someone fall or get hurt and literally won’t feel anything. I’m not trying to be some stoic anime character but that’s literally how I feel. I could get hit with devastating news and I probably won’t react like how others would. Be like “oh okay”
Then my other third would be very emotional. I feel everything. If im happy, ill smile and laugh out of nowhere. I’ll interact with people without holding back. I’ll laugh, cry, be angry with or whatever with anyone. Maybe this is the most human side. I would feel content and happy with things.
then this horrid last third. I knew it was there but I didn’t know how bad it was till last Thursday. I was on the bus, then I got really angry. I don’t know whether it was morning anxiety, stress, annoying situations on the bus, but I was fuming. I imagined pushing someone into the doors of the open bus and like hitting everyone around me. Or use some stupid small reason to beat the guy next to me without caring for consequence. And that happens in my head and I visualise it. I don’t know when it will become something I see myself doing unconsciously and not come to after it happens. I’m afraid of what I’ll do. I don’t know why I felt like that on that day. I didn’t think things would affect me that much that way. And since then my depressing thoughts come back every night since and I can’t sleep well.
Probably cooked.