Hi, I have been working full time for a few years now. And in those years, i went through a lot one year after another. It started off as financial pressure and betrayal. At the time, i feel somewhat ok bc i had good colleagues at work and i have another family member working to support me. But as time went on, it almost feels like its been taken away. That family member got retrenched thn soon got diagnosed with a sickness. Most colleagues whom i am close to, all resigned. Ive also lost my aunt and a cousin 2 or 3 years back. A colleague who i was close to for many years ever since i started working, showed her true colours and she turned out to be manipulative. My best friend back in sec sch dont reply me properly anymore either.
I remember there were times where i felt the financial pressure and responsibility that was on me was so heavy, that i felt like i dont want to go through this and just want to disappear. At one point it felt like my past is fading. The people were gone. People have moved on. And i was on my own, alone. I tell myself that its time to find my own strength, but it was very far from easy. Many times i would feel very tired. On weekends, i will try to end some extra pocket money by building an additional source of income. But the progress is too slow. Even right now when im in my workplace (and maybe thats bc of the life changes that i went through) i was thinking about having the freedom and settle whatever financial stuff that i have to, and just leave and move on w my life. But i know thats not possible right now.
Its hard for me trust and connect with people without thinking that theyre not genuine and dont really care at all. And thats the thing that makes me feel so alone. I dont really have that much friends, im only close to my family. I could have never imagine what would happen if theyre not around anymore.
Also, at work, and very ironically, a guy seems to like me. I have feelings for him too. He makes me feel seen, feel safe. He notices moods and little details. He has empathy too, and its kind of like looking at myself. And thn i found out that he’s attached. Whenever i expect him to not be around, he’s just always there trying to bump into me at work, and this has been going on for almost 2 years. But theres no way im going to let this guy get near me and hurt me, knowing that i have already went through a lot in life.
I seek your help in my situation and im looking forward to your reply soon. Thank you.