Ive been suffering in silence for 6 years on my own. I feel like I have ocd. Back then, I wasn’t sure if it was real or I was just going crazy but now I’m like 95% sure I have it. I have fear of germs and intrusive thoughts. It was rlly bad to the point that I was depressed and resorted to hurting myself. I would feel uncomfortable being around people even my own pets and I would always panic if my family was “contaminated with something unclean”. What’s worse is the fact that when I told my family, they said I was faking it because I was always smiling and I should just stop thinking about it. I think if I told them about it today, they’ll think that my ocd was a jus phase. Overtime, it worsened to the point that I couldn’t think, concentrate or talk properly. It felt like my brain was always on survival mode. No matter how much I want to seek help and when I do find a way, I just feel like I’m faking it and that I shouldn’t receive any help. Like all the “what ifs” qs start coming out like e.g “What if they don’t believe me or I’m just faking it for attention”. Despite all those thoughts, part of me still really want to receive help because I can’t take it anymore but I’m scared to open up again to my family or try to find help on my own.
Dear @breezylake4317
I am glad you reached out and shared what you have been enduring for a long time.
Understandably when family members do not believe what you are struggling with it hurts. I think you may be feeling alone and misunderstood almost to the point that you question and second guess yourself.
There is help available and competent mental health professionals with experience you can tap on, so please know you are not alone.
To your credit, I sense you are determined and motivated to address the distress experienced.
As a start, I encourage you to explore the mindline resources on OCD, especially the self help strategies.
https://www.mindline.sg/search?q=OCD&page=1
You can also use the wayfinder tool to search for resources to tap on.
In addition I recommend to contact the national mindline counsellor reachable at 1771 if you need immediate support. The hotline operates 24/7 and the counsellors there will listen, and point you to the most appropriate resource for follow up.
I deeply doubt you are faking it, what you are going through is real. With small steps and fuelled by your determination to get better, I am hopeful you will reduce the distress felt. 