I do work slowly because i dont want to relaspe my anxiety disorder. How can I work faster again without anxiety disorder relapsing?

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For context, my trigger is unfortunately work and learning. Trauma came from failures and not getting better. Ive went thru therapy and healed parts of it though there are still some parts not healed yet. I understood that my cognition was horrible last time due to having depression, anxiety and sleep disorder. Abused coffee cuz of untreated sleep disorder and was very anxious. I used to not learn from my mistakes and continue making the mistakes, and unable to analyse things. After depression and sleep disorder recovered, my cognition got better and ive compiled small evidence(little successes) that I’m not a failure. Recovered via exposure therapy for ‘work’ and learning. This is still a work in progress since I dont have a steady footing in the working world to feel safe yet. I am jealous of ppl my age who say that they are bored of their job as that means that they are fluent in their job already and I’ve never reached there before. Theres also anxiety over job security and future uncertainty. A 9-6.30pm design job is hard to find as you have to compete with foreigners while renovation interior design job is in demand but work is normal hours plus odd hours, fully commission based, can lose money, days of work wasted if customer doesn’t sign you etc. I’m taking a software development bootcamp and see how. A career where I can feel secured would help a lot too but I havent found one yet.

I worked for my cousin so he could allow me to work slowly last time. I left the company and will be working for strangers in the future and I need to improve my working n reading speed. symptoms like feeling like i can’t breathe and dizziness will appear if i work fast or read fast. I’ve managed to remove the dizziness with a ginger powder in capsule form per day. That used to be a big issue and my psychiatrist couldnt solve it since i do not want to take antidepressants ever again because of the side effects. What’s left is the feeling like i can’t breathe. I do diagrphamic breathing but its only effective for a while before it starts being unbearable and i need to stop work or learning. I run to improve my lungs and it helped to only a certain extent.

What’s next for me? More exposure therapy to work and learning by chionging, rest and repeat? I can chiong learning for now but i can’t really apply exposure therapy for a real job since I dont have the luxury to take breaks at work when my anxiety starts acting up.

Thanks for reading btw

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Hi user1138

Firstly I thank you for reaching out. It takes courage and shows tenacity that you have accomplished significant progress in healing from past traumas, depression, anxiety, and sleep disorder. Exposure therapy helped, and you’re taking steps to improve cognitive function and coping mechanisms. Well done it’s a great indicator of your determination.

I recommend that you :

  1. Continue software development bootcamp.
  2. Gradually move to a faster work/learning pace.
  3. Do Diaphragmatic breathing exercises.
  4. Do Physical exercise (running) to improve lung capacity.
  5. Explore relaxation techniques (progressive muscle relaxation, visualization).

I also encourage you to:

  1. Develop a growth mindset.
  2. Set realistic goals and celebrate small achievements.
  3. Continuously build evidence of successes.
  4. Seek mentorship or coaching.
  5. Consider part-time or freelance work to ease into full-time employment.
  6. Tap on your support system of family and friends for encouragement.

To manage breathing issues:

  1. Consult a respiratory therapist.
  2. Explore breathing exercises (e.g., box breathing).
  3. Consider yoga or tai chi for holistic relaxation.

To enhance job security and reduce uncertainty:

  1. Diversify skills (e.g., software development, design).
  2. Build an emergency fund.
  3. Develop a side hustle or freelance portfolio.
  4. Stay adaptable and open to new opportunities.

You’ve come a long way, and with continued effort, you’ll overcome these challenges. Please keep going!:heart: