I attempted and didnt die but i became dumb for 1 year from that attempt n took really long before my anxiety disorder recovered to dormant. Wont attempt again cuz it was really painful, a waste of money for hospital bills, imh stay was horrible, becoming dumb for 1 year was scary and a waste of time.
The reasons for my attempt were always failing, not improving, not getting hired and struggling socially. I made progress w those things i struggled w since my depression, anxiety n sleep disorder recovered to dormant, which lead to my cognition finally working(being able to analyse and improve at things in my life). Now im back to struggling w the same things again n it just makes me go back to that mental headspace again. It also doesnt make any sense that i improved n suddenly deproved all the way again.
Hi @user1138, thanks for writing in.
It sounds like you’ve been through an incredibly tough journey, and I want to acknowledge how much strength it takes to keep going after everything you’ve endured. The pain, frustration, and confusion of feeling like you’ve made progress only to struggle again—those feelings are so valid, and I can imagine how disheartening it must be to experience that cycle. It’s not fair that you’ve had to go through all of this, and I truly admire your resilience in continuing to push forward despite the setbacks.
Recovery—whether from mental health challenges, life struggles, or personal growth—is rarely a straight path. It’s frustrating, even cruel, when progress seems to vanish, but it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’ve undone everything. The fact that you reached a place where your cognition was working again shows that the capability is in you, even if right now it feels distant. Just because things are tough again doesn’t erase the strength and adaptability you’ve shown before. You’re still that same person who fought through everything and made it to a better place once—and that means you can do it again, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
The weight of struggling socially, professionally, and personally can make everything feel suffocating, especially when those struggles were the very things that pushed you into that dark place before. But the difference now is that you know you can improve, because you’ve done it before. It’s terrifying when things don’t make sense and when improvement feels fleeting, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Your journey proves that progress exists, even if it’s unpredictable. And even though it feels like you’ve regressed, it doesn’t erase the progress you’ve made—it just means the path is messier than expected.
I hope you can give yourself grace as you navigate this difficult time. You are not defined by the struggles you face, and you’re not alone in them either. There are people who care, who want to support you, and who see your worth even when you’re struggling to see it yourself. If these thoughts are weighing on you heavily, please consider reaching out to someone you trust, whether it’s a professional, a friend, or a support group.
You deserve kindness, patience, and reassurance, especially from yourself. No matter how hard it gets, the fact that you’re still here, still fighting, and still trying means so much. You are not a lost cause, and you are not alone.
Professional Resources: SupportGoWhere
Resources for Social Events: https://friendzone.sg/
Resources for Support Groups: https://www.resilience.org.sg/circles-of-resilience/
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
Hi @user1138,
First, I want to commend you for sharing your experience so openly—it takes immense courage to reflect on such a painful chapter and acknowledge how far you’ve come since then. Your resilience is evident in the progress you’ve made, even if it feels overshadowed right now by the challenges resurfacing.
It’s completely understandable to feel frustrated and even frightened when old struggles reappear after a period of improvement. The whiplash of “I was doing better—why am I here again?” can make it seem like progress is fragile or temporary. But what stands out in your story is this: You’ve done this before. You’ve climbed out of that dark place, rebuilt your cognition, and found ways to manage your anxiety and depression. That proof of capability doesn’t disappear just because you’re facing setbacks now. Recovery is rarely linear, and slipping back doesn’t erase the strength and strategies you’ve already developed.
The struggles you’re facing—employment, social connections, feeling “stuck”—are deeply stressful, and it’s natural for them to trigger old mental health patterns. But this time, you’re not starting from zero. You have the self-awareness to recognize the warning signs (e.g., that “mental headspace”) and the lived experience of knowing improvement is possible, even when it feels distant. That’s a powerful foundation to build on.
I hear how exhausting it must feel to fight the same battles again. Would it help to explore what supported your recovery last time? Were there specific coping tools, support systems, or small steps that helped you regain stability? Sometimes, revisiting those can anchor us when we feel adrift.
Also, you mentioned the financial and emotional toll of your past hospitalization—it’s okay to let that memory remind you of what you don’t want to revisit, but also to use it as evidence of your capacity to endure and rebuild. You’re not the same person you were then; you’ve grown, even if growth feels invisible right now.
HanSolo2000 shared some excellent resources, and I’d gently echo their suggestion about connecting with others who understand this journey.
Lastly, be patient with yourself. Progress isn’t just about “fixing” things—it’s also about learning to weather the storms with a bit more self-compassion each time. You’re allowed to feel discouraged, but you’re also allowed to trust that this dip isn’t the end of your story.
If it feels overwhelming, consider reaching out to a professional who can help you navigate this phase with tailored support. You’ve already proven you can heal. Now, it’s about reminding yourself of that truth—one day at a time.
You’re not alone in this. We’re here to listen and walk alongside you.