Career demoralise

Hello,

I am a few months in my new workplace and i find it really challenging to listen attentively to instructions and directions… I dont feel rushed but I just find it hard as i get distracted easily. I am not sure is it i auto filter thinkis useless or what but the truth is all is important… I really hate that i cant listen and it is impacting my job. I know i can record but i dont refer back and those notes just got thrown away ( i am not someone who is organised cuz idk how) i am really easily distracted and my mind runs quickly to somewhere making it hard for me to listen tho i pretend i am. Even my supervisor say that i am distracted easily.

Another thing i hate abt myself and beating myself up is not thinking deeply and critically. I am in a department where I need to think deep and all but i am really lazy to think… I am not a thinker or someone who looks big picture and I really envy my colleagues who have that skill. This is really affecting my job performance and my self esteem as I feel that I am not suited for the role but even if i leave, the same problem will happen agn because is not abt the job but about me and my personality (i mean which job dunnid to think deeply ). So i felt really demoralised at work. My boss and supervisor keep emphasising on thinking deep, i wish i can but right now i feel i cant and i beat myself and hate myself for not being able to think which in turn affected my work performance and my learning progress and process. I know it is not helpful but i cant help maybe due to my past as well.

As I am writing this, I am feeling anxiety from boss scolding yesterday. This has resulted in a lack of sleep as I woke up at 3.30am feeling anxious and lost in deep thoughts and self blame for screwing up something at work…

And more often or less, not just because of my scolding, I often have thoughts if my bosses and supervisors regretted hiring me and I feel that if they didnt hire me, they could have gotten someone better than me with more experience and less scolding. I feel i am not value adding and contributing to my team and feel worthless… While haven tot of leaving but with these tots as my obstacles i scared it will lead to me leaving one day… But i foresee same problem will arise no matter where I go as well.

Hi @AnxietyEmployee

Thank you for reaching out. That is a courageous first step. :smiling_face:

It demonstrates self awareness when you shared you’re acknowledging your challenges with listening attentively and thinking critically. Please know that these skills can be developed with practice, patience, and strategies.

May I suggest the following:

  1. Minimising distractions: Identify common distractions (e.g., social media, email, chatty coworkers) and find ways to minimise them while listening or working.
  2. Active listening techniques: Practice active listening by focusing on the speaker, taking notes, and asking clarifying questions.
  3. Critical thinking exercises: Engage in activities that promote critical thinking, such as puzzles, brain teasers, or strategic games.
  4. Seeking feedback and guidance: Ask your supervisor or colleagues for feedback on your listening and critical thinking skills. They may offer valuable insights and suggestions.

It’s understandable that you’re experiencing self-doubt and anxiety, especially after receiving feedback from your supervisor. Remember that:

  1. Everyone makes mistakes: It’s okay to make errors; it’s an opportunity to learn and grow.
  2. You’re not defined by one mistake: Don’t let one incident define your self-worth or job performance.
  3. Self-compassion is essential: Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience, just as you would a friend.

To overcome self-doubt and anxiety, focus on building your confidence and self-worth. I suggest to :

  1. Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.
  2. Practice positive self-talk: Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations.
  3. Seek support from others: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings and concerns.

Regarding your concerns about job performance and future prospects:

  1. Focus on progress, not perfection: Aim for progress, not perfection. You’re learning and growing, and that’s what matters.
  2. Develop a growth mindset: Believe that your abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work.
  3. Explore resources and support: Utilize company resources, training programs, or mentorship opportunities to help you grow and develop in your role.

I hope it helps to know that you are not alone in your struggles. Many people face similar challenges, and it’s okay to ask for help. Keep in mind that you’re doing the best you can, and that’s something to be proud of.:heart:

@AnxietyEmployee It sounds like you’re going through a challenging time, and I appreciate you sharing so openly. It takes courage to reflect like this, and that’s an important first step.

I wonder if this role is truly aligned with your strengths and preferences. Sometimes, a mismatch between what a job demands and our natural inclinations or abilities can lead to feelings of inadequacy, even though it’s not about our worth or capabilities.

I also wonder if this is more about the demands of your job or about something within you that needs more support to thrive? Knowing where the root of the issue lies could help you move forward. :slight_smile:

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Hello,

Thank you for sharing how you feel—I’m sure it wasn’t easy to open up about it.

I completely understand what you mean because I’m also struggling in my current job. I feel like I lack the “big-picture thinking” you mentioned, and because of that, I often feel incompetent, like I’m not good enough at my work, and I’m prone to making mistakes or getting scolded. It sucks…

It’s taken a huge toll on my mental health, and like you, I’ve been seeking therapy to work through it. As you said, the issue might lie within us, and moving to another job could lead to the same situation repeating itself.

For now, I’m trying my best to stay in this job while also exploring other opportunities. I’ve come to think that it might be a job fit issue—perhaps someone like me isn’t suited for a role that requires heavy operations or a lot of deep thinking. Maybe you could consider this perspective too? Everyone has different strengths, and it’s possible that this role isn’t the right fit for us, but we might thrive somewhere else. Just a thought!

Take care, and I hope things get better for you soon.

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Hello @CaringBee,

Thank you for your reply! It has been a few days past and I am feeling more anxious at work. Previously I thought I will pass my probation confidently as per what my senior mentioned but turns out i did not pass my probation.

Recently i have been developing more anxiety in work due to stress and not meeting expectations on top of my lack of confidence in myself. The urge to quit is super high now but i do fear that i might look too weak and also like what if i faced worst difficulties in another job.

The reason why my senior fail my probation is because i am lacking efficiency and i believe this stems from the lack of knowledge, and the increase in anxiety that make me unproductive.

Recently my anxiety is killing me and affecting my efficiency which in turns affect work productivity and performance, worse affecting my confidence and self worth…

Dear @AnxietyEmployee

Thank you for letting me know of the recent development that you didn’t pass your probation period, and I can only imagine how tough this situation must feel. It’s completely normal to feel disappointed, anxious, or even uncertain about what comes next. But I want you to know that not passing probation doesn’t define your worth or your abilities. It’s simply a part of the journey, and it doesn’t mean you’re failing as a person or as a professional.

Here are some steps you can take moving forward, both to process how you’re feeling and to figure out what to do next:

1. Give Yourself Grace:

It’s important to be kind to yourself during this time. Feeling upset or frustrated is totally valid, but also remind yourself that everyone faces setbacks at some point. This is just a chapter, not the whole story of your career. Your value isn’t determined by this one experience, and it doesn’t mean that future opportunities are closed to you.

2. Reflect and Assess:

Take some time to reflect on your experience. What aspects of the role did you enjoy or feel confident in? Where did you face challenges, and what led to those challenges (e.g., lack of resources, overwhelming workload, or something else)? Understanding what went wrong and what you might need in a future role will give you valuable insights into what to look for next.

  • Skills and Knowledge: Were there specific skills or knowledge you needed that you didn’t feel you had? If so, this might be a good time to focus on upskilling in areas that will build your confidence for your next opportunity.
  • Support and Environment: Was the work environment supportive, or did it feel overwhelming and isolating? This might help guide you in finding a more supportive workplace in the future.

3. Request Feedback:

There is feedback from your employer or supervisor about why didn’t pass probation. You shared the main reason is lack of knowledge which lead to inefficiency. If possible, can he be more specific. I recommend to approach the conversation with a sense of curiosity and openness, rather than defensiveness. Ask questions like:

  • What specific areas could I improve upon?
  • Were there certain expectations I didn’t meet, and what could I have done differently?
  • Is there an opportunity for me to address those concerns and potentially come back for another review?

I believe feedback will help you understand where you can grow, and it will show your commitment to improving. Even if the feedback is hard to hear, it can be incredibly valuable in learning and moving forward.

4. Consider Your Next Steps Once you have clarity on the reasons for not passing probation, consider your options:

  • If you want to stay in this role: Depending on the feedback and your own reflections, you could discuss a second chance, or ask if there’s an opportunity for you to address areas of concern and try again.
  • If you feel the role isn’t a fit: If the role or environment doesn’t seem like a good match for you, it may be worth exploring new opportunities that align better with your skills, interests, and values.

5. Build Your Confidence:

This experience can be tough on your confidence, but it’s important to remember that setbacks happen to everyone. Take time to reflect on your past successes, what you’ve learned from this experience, and how you can apply those lessons going forward. Try focusing on small wins in your daily life or career to build back that sense of competence and self-worth.

6. Network and Seek Guidance:

Talk to others in your professional network, mentors, or even friends. They might offer valuable perspectives or even point you toward new opportunities. You may also want to consider reaching out to career coaches or other professionals who can guide you through this time and help you identify your strengths and areas for growth.

7. Take Care of Yourself:

Remember that your mental and emotional health are important. This experience might have left you feeling drained, so make sure you’re taking the time to rest and recharge. Self-care and reflection are vital during times of transition. When you’re ready, you’ll be in a much better position to make decisions and move forward with clarity.
Managing anxiety (through mindfulness, grounding techniques) and self soothing such that you are able to stay calm during stressful periods could be an important skill set to learn, practise and apply during stressful times.
What has happened does not define your career or your abilities. Many successful people have faced setbacks early in their careers. It might take time to process, but there are always new opportunities and chances for growth ahead. Whatever you decide to do, be kind to yourself and take this as a stepping stone toward something better. You’ve got this. :yellow_heart

Hello Caring Bee,

Thank you for your reply. Recently i haven been meeting deadlines and my senior’s deadlines is affected by it. I also realise i have difficulty listening attentively, i am easily distracted with thoughts and i have difficulty in understanding. Because of all these it is affecting my job and because of the things i have on hand, i find it really hard to work and i am facing alot of anxiety. While the urge to quit is too real, i know these issues will bring forward to my new workplace if it is not fixed. I do not want to have another short work experience when my resume is already very ugly…

Recently my senior have been showing black face alot and my boss is not happy wjth my performance. They keep saying i do things slow which i agree but i am unsure how to do things fast

I know the only person who can help myself is myself but for 10 years i have been trying to find external validation so how should i start internally find…

Hi @AnxietyEmployee

Thank you for sharing a little bit more. I can see that you’re dealing with a lot of pressure and self-doubt right now, and that’s completely understandable. But did you know the very fact that you’re reflecting on your situation and trying to take responsibility for the issues you’re facing is already a big step forward?

First, know that you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed, especially when juggling so many things. It’s easy to become distracted or lose focus when there’s so much on your plate. The key right now is to start breaking things down into smaller, manageable chunks, instead of feeling like you need to solve everything at once. Overcoming the urge to quit and pushing through requires acknowledging that growth takes time, and sometimes, taking small actions consistently can lead to big changes.

Your difficulty in listening attentively and understanding could be a sign that you need to create a more conducive environment for yourself—whether it’s turning off distractions, taking short breaks to reset, or finding ways to clarify things when you’re unsure. It’s important to communicate with your team and be honest about where you’re struggling, rather than keeping it in. Ask for feedback regularly and maybe even explore new tools or techniques that can help you focus better.

You mentioned anxiety, and that’s something a lot of people face in similar situations. Sometimes, the pressure to perform can cloud your mind, but try to be kind to yourself. Start practicing self-compassion, where you recognise that mistakes and setbacks are part of the journey. It’s about progress, not perfection.

Regarding your senior’s behaviour, sometimes frustration is not always about you, but it’s important to take it as constructive feedback. Don’t be afraid to ask for specific advice on how you can improve speed. They might be able to share tips that can help you speed up the process.

As for finding internal validation—this takes time and practice. Start by setting small goals for yourself and celebrating the victories, no matter how small. Remind yourself that you are your own biggest supporter. Self-reflection and developing self-awareness can lead to personal growth. When you stop depending on external validation for your worth, you begin to trust your own process.

And lastly, don’t give up. This difficult moment can be the catalyst for growth if you approach it with patience and determination. You’re already recognising what needs improvement, and that’s the first step. Take it one day at a time. Small actions will eventually compound into the momentum you need to overcome this challenge. You’ve got this! :yellow_heart: