I need a lot of help

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Hi, I’m a fresh graduate in my first full-time job and I’m currently in a really terrible mental state. I’ve been crying almost every day and I dread going to work so badly. I constantly feel stressed and anxious, and I’ve been shutting myself in at home ever since work started. Ngl, I feel like I am losing myself.

It’s been close to 8 months in this job, and things haven’t been getting better in terms of my mental health. In fact, it seems like it’s getting worse. I feel like my anxiety has worsened quite badly to the point where I’m seriously considering reaching out to a doctor to get prescribed medication to “fix” myself.

For those who are curious why I’m feeling so stressed — it’s because I feel incredibly incompetent at my job. I feel like I keep screwing things up. I lack the confidence to do things well, and no matter how hard I try, I just feel like I can’t thrive here. This adds to my stress because I hate feeling incapable. (Yes, I know the root of it probably lies in my mentality too.)

I really, really feel like quitting because my mental health has been so bad (truly, it’s quite bad), but part of me feels like the problem is also my weak mindset. So I’m stuck between feeling like I want to leave, but also feeling like I’m the issue and I need to “fix” myself first.

I’ve been going for therapy, but it hasn’t really helped. I even went overseas for a breather, but I came back feeling even more anxious at the thought of going back to work. I am just surviving everyday through crying, warm water and anxiety music to calm my soul down.

Please be kind — I’m sorry for being like this.

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Hey, I’m really sorry that you’re feeling this way right now. It sounds like you’re going through an incredibly tough time, and it’s completely okay to feel overwhelmed. You’ve been dealing with so much for a while now, and it’s important to acknowledge just how hard you’ve been pushing yourself.

The feelings of incompetence and anxiety you’re describing are really common, especially in the early stages of a new job, but that doesn’t make it any easier to go through. It’s really tough to be in that constant cycle of feeling like you’re not measuring up despite your efforts. And feeling like you’ve lost yourself in the process is a big red flag that your mental health is calling out for attention. You’re not alone in this, and it doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken—you’re simply facing a lot of pressure that’s affecting your well-being.

It’s also understandable to be conflicted about whether it’s the job or your mindset causing the strain. Sometimes, it’s not just one thing—it’s a combination of factors.

The fact that you’re considering both seeking medical support and questioning your mental state shows that you’re truly trying to understand what’s best for you. That’s really self-aware, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now.

I think it’s important to remember that it’s okay to be kind to yourself in this situation. You’re doing the best you can, and sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to step away from something that is negatively impacting your health.

Quitting a job doesn’t make you weak; it can be a sign of strength in recognizing that you need a change to protect yourself. If you’ve thought about it and think that it’s a good option, it’s okay to do it for yourself.

Also, if therapy hasn’t been helpful, maybe it’s worth discussing this with your therapist to explore other options—sometimes it takes a bit to find the right approach. It’s also completely okay to change therapists if you feel like a fresh perspective might help. You could also explore online resources or communities for additional support; sometimes finding alternative methods or strategies can help in unexpected ways.

If medication is something you’re considering, it can be really helpful for managing anxiety and giving you the space to work through everything. Sometimes it’s an important tool that can make a big difference in your mental health journey.

Please don’t apologize for feeling this way! :heart_hands::yellow_heart: Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out right now. Be gentle with yourself as you take it one day at a time. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough. Is there anything else you feel you need to talk about right now? Any particular thoughts or questions that have been on your mind lately? We’re here to listen :>

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I’m similar in a way where i cant figure out the working world despite being in it for a long time, so u arent alone

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It sounds like a difficult and overwhelming period. Juggling a first full time job, transitioning out of university, is a challenge for anyone, let alone someone experiencing anxiety.

I want to reassure that, You’re not a failure, and you don’t need fixing. Medications are helpful for people experiencing acute symptoms that impact functioning, and please consider it if you feel like it will help you get by. But anxiety is not brokenness or incompetency and it’s not your fault that you’re experiencing anxiety. We don’t say a flu or cold is someone being incompetent or their fault — mental health is the same way too. Therapy and medications are supports for us to recover to fullness of health :slight_smile:

If therapy doesn’t feel helpful, it may be worth checking in with your therapist about it. Sometimes there may be a mismatch in therapist and client, and you might need to find someone of appropriate fit. And that’s okay and totally not your fault! It happens to loads of clients, but it is sometimes a frustrating step in the therapy process. But I encourage you to discuss with your therapist about the feelings of it not being helpful. You deserve to be able to receive appropriate support in therapy — you’re not alone in this journey of navigating anxiety and work.

Take care

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Hi @knd and @lilac

Thank you so much for reaching out to me—I really appreciate it.

To be honest, I’m not even sure what exactly is going through my mind right now. All I know is that ever since I started this job around seven months ago, my mental health has taken a serious hit. I’ve been crying almost every day and having frequent anxiety breakdowns. I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in a long time either, which makes everything worse.

I know that quitting might solve everything, and I talk to my boyfriend almost daily about wanting to quit. But deep down, I also know that a lot of the problem lies within me—my inability to handle intense stress, the pressure I constantly put on myself, and the fact that I’m a much slower learner compared to my colleagues. I keep making mistakes, and I really hate that about myself.

Looking back, and based on conversations with my therapist, I realize that this issue probably isn’t just about the job. It’s more about how I handle things, which makes me worry that even if I switch to another job, I might face the same struggles again. That’s a scary thought. I’m trying to work on myself—trying to detach emotionally and remind myself that things will get better—but unfortunately, my mental health just keeps deteriorating.

As time passes and I lose the “newbie” status, I feel even more pressure, and it’s becoming overwhelming. My therapist advised me to try and stick it out for at least a year before considering a move, and I’m trying to follow that advice—but honestly, it’s really tough.

Any advices?

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Hi @user1138,

Thank you for your comment and telling me that i am not the only one in this struggle.

May i ask how do you make things slightly better for you overtime? Does time really helps?

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I feel this especially as a fresh graduate myself who’s about 1/2 year into her first full time role. I feel like that there’s that expectation to be good or at least competent in what we do. However I just wanted to remind you to be kind and gentle to yourself and not get too disheartened or start blaming yourself for your mistakes or if you’re still struggling.

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It’s wonderful to hear that you’ve explored this with your therapist. I hear you that you realised that maybe that it could be because of how you cope that is causing you a lot of anxiety.

It’s probably helpful to look into developing coping skills which I would think you are already doing with your therapist. Skills takes time to master so don’t get disheartened if you feel like it’s not working at first, just got to practice, practice and practice. Personally it took me a really long time to be truly able to get use to using these skills to cope and for it to be helpful. My personal favourite skills are related to emotional regulation and distress tolerance.

Also about work honestly I was talking to my senior the other day and he was just sharing that in his first year he was also lost, he made multiple mistakes that probably cost the company money, it took him about a year or so before he became somewhat good at it though he still makes mistakes here and there so don’t be too quick to quit though I would say that if it starts to severely impact you (too overwhelming, you can’t sleep, find it hard to do anything, severe dread) then it’s probably best to leave and take a short break to take a breather and consider your next moves

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Hey @user1709 , thanks so much for opening up. It really takes courage to be this honest, especially when you’re struggling. Just by reaching out, you’re already showing strength — even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

Starting your first job is a huge transition, and if the environment isn’t supportive, it can wear anyone down. Feeling like you’re not doing well doesn’t mean you’re not capable — it might just mean this role or workplace isn’t the right fit.

Sometimes it is a job fit issue, and that’s not your failure. A lot of my friends stay in their first job longer than they should because they don’t want to seem like they’re giving up too soon — wanting to “prove” resilience. But if it’s seriously affecting your mental health, it’s okay to take a step back and ask if it is worth it and what other options can you consider.

It’s also completely okay to explore medication — not because you’re broken, but because it might help you manage while you get better. You’re clearly someone who reflects, tries hard, and cares deeply — those are real strengths. You’re not alone in this, and you don’t have to figure it all out at once. :slight_smile: This is just the start of your adult-ing journey!

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hey @user1709 ,
First of all you do not need to blame yourself for this! We all go through different challenges in life and it is definitely okay to seek help and ask for advice in navigating our emotions and mental health :slight_smile:
I can relate to how you are feeling, as I too face similar issues when starting a new job or taking on new responsibilities. The feeling of this “imposter syndrome” can be really exhausting.
Personally, I feel that time does help. After I went through many rounds of mistakes, i do see myself improving in the work that I do, and even gaining a little more confidence in my own abilities. Maybe you can try to seek help from your colleagues or seniors at work (if they are willing to help you out), in terms of addressing some of the doubts that you may have. Having a support system at work can make a difference in managing your stress levels at work.
While I do agree that you can try to stick it out and attempt to get more comfortable with your current job, I do believe that taking care of your mental health is very important too. If it affects your physical or mental health extremely, maybe you can consider looking for a different job(?) Maybe one that is of a slower pace, where you can build up your confidence in your working abilities while also work on your mental health!

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Increase exposure n reading up about the things i lack using ai or asking on reddit. If u arent getting better at work or feeling less anxious then i think might be mental illness related? Im nota professional but i do have anxiety disorder

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Thank you so much for reading the replies and reaching out again! I’m really glad you’re actively seeking ways to improve your situation, and that’s such a positive step forward. Keep pushing for the best mental health and happiness you can achieve—it’s worth the effort!

From what you’ve shared, here are a few suggestions I have for you:

  1. Identifying Triggers: I’m not sure if the issue lies with the company itself, but it could be that the job just isn’t a good fit. Since you’ve already spoken to your therapist about it, it might help to dig a little deeper. Can we identify any specific things that trigger your anxiety or negative feelings? For example, does your stress peak when you get new tasks, or when you start the week? Write down all your triggers—get specific with the emotions you feel for each one. Putting them in a list can help you see patterns and figure out if it’s the job itself or specific challenges you’re facing. Once you have this list, we can think about how to address each point—whether it’s time management or other areas—and you can work on them, with support, if you’d like. If you’d like, you can share your list here and I’ll be happy to give you suggestions as best as I can :>

  2. In-the-Moment Stress Management: When you feel stressed, pause and take a deep breath. It’s simple: take a deep breath, then exhale slowly with short, calming breaths in between. If you’ve seen Jennie from Blackpink—there’s a short clip of her at a photo-taking session where, just for the briefest moment, she does a little breathing technique that really caught my eye. I’ve added the clip here because I found it really helpful, and I actually use it myself too! It’s subtle but effective—just take a deep breath, then exhale slowly with short, calming breaths in between. This can help you center yourself in the moment, especially when things start to feel overwhelming.
    https://youtube.com/shorts/6CL41b2_9dY?si=l-yILvkjCgcCoThT

  3. In-the-Moment Stress Management: Another helpful strategy is to reprogram your thoughts, which is a common technique in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Here’s a step-by-step guide for reprogramming negative thoughts:

    • Step 1: Recognize the negative thought. Identify what you’re thinking that’s causing you stress (e.g., “I can’t handle this” or “I’m failing”).
    • Step 2: Challenge the thought. Ask yourself questions like, “Is this thought based on facts?” or “Is this the worst-case scenario, or is there another way to see this?”
    • Step 3: Replace the negative thought with a more balanced one. For example, replace “I can’t handle this” with “I’ve handled challenges before, and I can take this one step at a time.”
    • Step 4: Repeat this process each time a negative thought comes up, until it becomes a more natural habit to replace it with something empowering.

  4. Long-Term Stress Management: In the long run, consider adding activities like meditation, exercise, and journaling to your routine. These activities help by reducing stress hormones like cortisol, while boosting feel-good hormones like endorphins and serotonin. Meditation helps calm your mind and lower anxiety, exercise reduces stress by increasing your endorphin levels (which act as natural mood boosters), and journaling allows you to process your emotions and gain clarity. Even if it’s just a few minutes a day, it can really make a difference in how you feel.

  5. Be Kind to Yourself: This process will take time, and that’s okay. The most important thing is to be gentle and kind to yourself throughout it. It’s okay if you feel stuck sometimes, but what matters is that you’re trying. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. Remember, the goal of all this work is to treat yourself like royalty—treat yourself with love and patience as you go through the ups and downs.

You’re not alone in this, and we’re here for you. If you want to talk more or need any help with specific areas, just let us know.

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Hii @Marshmallow

Thanks for reaching out, i am trying to improve myself on this aspect but its really difficult. Do you have any tips?

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Hello @knd,

Thanks for your long advice — some of it is actually quite similar to what my therapist has told me, and I guess I’ll try my best to remember and use it when I’m feeling super anxious and stressed (which is like every day, hahah…).

Anyway, regarding your first question about identifying triggers — honestly, that’s something I’m still trying to figure out too. Sometimes it feels like it’s a job-related issue, but other times I feel like it’s a “me” problem. Maybe I can list some things down, and you can let me know what you think from a third-party perspective?

Here are a few situations that I think trigger my anxiety or negative emotions:

  1. When I get new tasks from my colleagues, I immediately feel stressed and about the work. When i send over for them to check, i just feel like i already made errors.
  2. Every weekday morning when I have to wake up for work, I get really anxious — to the point where I need to drink warm water or listen to calming music just to start the day.
  3. My day-to-day tasks involves a lot of emailing to stakeholders, and I often lack confidence when sending out these emails (even if its simple one). On some instances, I need to write n seek approval from higher-ups before sending out, and I always imagine the worst-case scenario of them thinking my submission is terrible.
  4. Most peak is when I feel lost about what to do at work, I get stressed and think I’m stupid — especially since I’ve already been here for almost seven months and still feel this way.

For context, this is my first full-time job, and I don’t have much past experience except for internships. I did around 3–4 internships previously, but they were all quite short stints. Internships did give me a bit of pressure here and there, but it was never this bad — nothing that affected my mental health as much as this job has over the past six months.

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Hey! I’m so sorry for the late reply!

I’m really glad you’ve already thought through some of your triggers — that’s already a huge first step, and not easy to do. And yes, you can definitely take your time to slowly incorporate the suggestions I mentioned, little by little. There’s no need to rush — just go at your own pace and be kind to yourself along the way.

Just sharing some thoughts from a third-person perspective that might help you reason through these feelings a bit more:

  1. Stress from receiving new tasks: Your stress doesn’t seem to come from laziness or avoidance, but more from a fear of making mistakes — which I totally relate to. One thing I do is reason with myself: “What exactly am I afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen? Then what?” Usually by the time I finish that thought process, it doesn’t feel quite as scary. You can also ask yourself, is this anxiety actually helping me? If not, switch to planning mode — break the task down, estimate how long it’ll take, and pop it into your calendar with some buffer time. That way, if you feel anxious outside that time block, you can gently remind yourself: “I’ve already planned for this. I’ll handle it then.” It really helps free up energy for other things.

  2. Workday mornings: Your body probably now associates work with stress or danger, so the dread starts right at the beginning of the day. The warm water and calming music are great instincts! You could also add a small, positive ritual in the morning — something you look forward to. It could be a five-minute walk, a favourite song while brushing your teeth, or even a small breakfast treat. Over time, these tiny good moments can help reframe mornings. If Mondays feel especially heavy, maybe give yourself something comforting on Sunday nights too — like a warm shower, journaling, or watching a show you love — so it doesn’t feel like the week is ambushing you.

  3. Email anxiety: This fear of judgment is super common, especially when you’re sending things to higher-ups — I feel that too. What helps me most is reasoning with myself. I ask: Did I try my best within the time I had? If yes, then that’s enough. It’s not about perfection — it’s about effort and completion. If your answer is yes, trust that it’s good enough. And sure, we all worry, what if it’s bad? — but what if it’s good? It could go either way. So instead of always assuming the worst, try assuming it’s okay unless someone tells you otherwise. You’ve done your part, and once it’s sent, it’s off your chest. The point of submitting to someone is that they are now responsible for the judgment — not you. So try to let yourself let go after hitting send.

  4. Feeling lost or “stupid”: I’ve been there too — and honestly, it’s such a hard feeling. But time spent in a role doesn’t always equal confidence, especially if the environment hasn’t been supportive or clear. Seven months might seem like a long time, but if you’re still learning systems or expectations without solid guidance, that’s not on you. It’s a gap in the structure — not a flaw in you. If you can, lean on people you trust — are there colleagues or friends you can talk to or ask for advice from? Also remember: everyone has their own strengths and blind spots. Just because there are things you still don’t know doesn’t mean you don’t know anything. If it helps balance your self-confidence, you could even try offering help to a coworker — not because you have to earn help, but because it might remind you that you have value to give too.

Hope some of that resonates! Always happy to talk more if you ever need to vent or bounce thoughts! :>