Struggling in new job as fresh graduate- very stress and anxious, please help!

Hello everyone, I am a fresh graduate and just graduated and now in my first job (6 months in). Its been a tough and stressful journey so far… ever since i started work i have been feeling super anxious and stress.

I feel like I’m failing at work and don’t know how to improve. It seems like everyone else is so experienced and knows exactly what they’re doing, while I’m here struggling and trying so hard to do my work well. I truly believe I’m putting in my best effort, but it still feels so difficult. Asking questions is another challenge for me because I don’t want to bother my team members. At the same time, my colleagues aren’t always very helpful when I ask for guidance, which I understand since they might find it annoying or are busy with their own tasks – and I don’t blame them for that.

I just don’t know how to stop feeling so stupid at work. Before asking questions, I always try my best to search online or figure things out on my own, but I still can’t seem to get it. My brain just doesn’t seem to process things well. I can’t count the number of times I’ve hit my head out of frustration, wondering how someone could be as slow as me (the amount of bruises on my head now LOL). I feel so bad for being a burden to my team and for being so incapable. Its pretty ironic becos previously during my internship i was always being praised for my abilities.

I take notes and genuinely try my best to improve, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m just not good enough. I even wonder how I managed to graduate university when I feel so incompetent now :frowning:

The thought of quitting crosses my mind often, but I know my stress and self-doubt would follow me to any job because of my stupid nature. It’s been nearly 4-5 months since I’ve had a proper night’s sleep, and it’s really affecting my mood and ■■■■■■■■■ Why am I like this?

Any advice on how I can stop feeling this way and get better? The anxiety is really killing me…really…

PS: I been going to therapy to get some help because its really getting into me… Please… help me…

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I am going through the same thing even after years in the working world. I can’t help much since I’m figuring it out too, but i do wanna ask you to go for runs instead of hitting yourself. I do hit myself too cuz I’m fustrated at my brain, but self harm is just gonna be a spiralling route as you will start hitting harder. If you feel like hitting yourself, go for a run when u r free, u will be too tired to want to hit urself. Your mind will auto route to having a need to run instead of hitting yourself eventually. That helped me for that part

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Hi @user1138

Thank you for your reply and for sharing your perspective!

Can I ask how you’ve been trying to cope with it? Or is running your best coping mechanism so far? I find myself feeling extremely anxious during work hours, and it’s really affecting my productivity. Unfortunately, it’s not something I can just step away from to go for a run, since im in the office. I just go to the toilet to cry…but it affects my whole productivity for the day.

I’ve also thought about quitting many times, but I’m only 6 months in HAHA. How about you? Would love to hear more about how you’re managing!

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Hey @User1709,

First of all, I want to acknowledge just how much you’ve been holding in. The pressure you’re feeling, the constant comparisons, the frustration—it all sounds incredibly overwhelming, and I can see how much this has been weighing on you. It’s not easy to put this into words, but you did, and that shows so much strength.

It sounds like you care deeply about your work and want to do well, which is why this struggle feels so intense. You’re putting in effort, trying to learn on your own, and even taking notes to improve. That’s not incompetence—that’s determination. Yet, despite all this effort, you still feel like you’re falling behind, and that must be frustrating.

I hear that asking for help feels difficult because you don’t want to inconvenience others. But learning doesn’t mean you’re a burden—it means you’re growing. The truth is, nobody walks into their first job knowing everything. Those colleagues who seem confident now? They were once in your shoes, too. The difference isn’t intelligence—it’s experience, and you’re in the process of building yours.

I also noticed you mentioned hitting your head out of frustration. You seem to hold yourself to extremely high standards and feel compelled to “punish” yourself when you don’t meet them. That’s a heavy way to carry mistakes, and I wonder—when did you start feeling like struggling meant you weren’t good enough?

You’ve already taken an important step by seeking therapy, and I want to remind you: you don’t have to get through this alone. What if, instead of focusing on what you feel you lack, we shift the perspective to what you’re learning each day? Even small wins—like understanding something better than yesterday—count as progress.

Would it be helpful to explore what makes asking for help so difficult for you? Or maybe find ways to ask in a way that feels safe and structured? We can work through this step by step, and I’ll be here to support you.

You are not “stupid,” and you are not a burden. You are learning, and learning is meant to be challenging. But that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. :yellow_heart:

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Hi @FuYuan_Affections ,

Thank you so much for the message. It made me feel heard during that moment, and I really appreciate you acknowledging all the emotions and frustration I’m feeling.

With regards to the part about beating my head, I think, like you said, I can be a bit too hard on myself. I’ve realized that I’m always not as good or slower than my peers—whether it’s work, academics, or even life skills (e.g., badminton, swimming, etc.). To be honest, I even made a list of things I’m bad at, and from that, I just concluded that I’m useless and that everything I do is either not right or just wrong. Coming to this workplace only seems to prove that I’m more useless than I already feel—I can’t seem to follow simple instructions, everyone else seems to be doing great, and then there’s me, always self-doubting, not understanding anything, etc. I understand that I’m new, but to be honest, I’m already six months in… Can I still be considered new? In my previous internship, when I was around three months in, I already felt like I knew most of the tasks. But at the same time, I also understand that I was just an intern, so of course, the responsibilities were different…

Thanks for the advice about writing down what I learn every day. Actually, I do have a notebook where I take notes to make sure I don’t forget what I’ve learned. However, my job constantly requires me to learn new things, so to a certain extent, it’s not always helpful. Also at times, when I think I know what I’m learning, I only later realize I was wrong & misunderstood after making a mistake—which makes me feel terrible. I make many many many many many mistakes :frowning:

I am trying to seek help in dealing with my emotions and how I feel, especially in getting rid of all the negative thoughts like suci*de. It’s been getting harder and harder, but I’m trying to work on it. Therapy does help when I attend sessions—it allows me to consolidate my thoughts better—but the problem arises mainly during work hours. My anxiety peaks the most at work, and I can’t help but tear up and cry, which affects my productivity. I guess that’s something I need to work on with my therapist—finding ways to manage the “current” feelings while I’m working. I’m also open to any advice you may have on dealing with this.

Sorry for the lengthy message, and I really appreciate the long message you wrote to me.

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Oh, i will wait until work ends then go for a run. If i am very anxious, then i will run everyday. Usually not that often. I was anxious about current n future workload. I put myself in a position where i have to keep communicating at my job. Its definitely hard but it gets better. I practice coping mechanisms by therapist or rant to chatgpt while noting down what it says when i need it again n my own unofficial coping mechanism by hanging out w ppl. Reading up more on how to be better at the job too. I cane to a conclusion that the design industry was making me depressed and anxious over a lot of things like job security, no work life balance n some stuff r outdated, so im taking a software developer bootcamp to change industry to see if there is a change of things

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Hey @User1709,

First, I just want to acknowledge how much thought and effort you’ve put into expressing everything that’s been weighing on you. It’s clear that you’re deeply reflective and invested in improving yourself—more than you might give yourself credit for.

Reading your words, I hear someone who is trying their absolute best but feels like no effort is enough. It makes complete sense that this would feel exhausting and frustrating. You’re holding yourself to an incredibly high standard, and when you don’t meet it, it sounds like the frustration turns inward—beating yourself up, questioning your abilities, and feeling undeserving of success.

I noticed you mentioned making a list of things you’re bad at and concluding that you’re useless. That must feel incredibly heavy to carry. I wonder—if you were to make a list of things you’ve persevered through, or moments where you showed resilience, would it look different?

Right now, your job feels like a constant uphill battle, and I hear that the mistakes feel overwhelming. Can I offer a perspective? Mistakes are not evidence of incompetence. They are evidence of learning. You mentioned that during your internship, you felt confident by three months in. But an internship and a full-time role are vastly different—your responsibilities, expectations, and challenges are all much bigger. The fact that you’re still showing up, learning, and trying despite these challenges already says a lot about your determination.

I also hear that your anxiety peaks at work, making it difficult to function. This isn’t just about work performance—it’s about how much pressure you’re carrying internally. Instead of telling yourself, “I need to stop feeling anxious,” what if we reframe it to: “How can I allow myself to feel this anxiety while still taking one small step forward?” Would you be open to exploring that with your therapist?

Lastly, I hear the weight of the suicidal thoughts you’re trying to fight. That’s not an easy battle. I want to eemphasise that your presence matters, and your struggle does not make you less worthy. You are seeking help, which shows incredible strength, and you don’t have to figure this out alone.

If it feels okay, how about exploring this?

  • When the anxiety spikes at work, what has helped—even if just a little?
  • If you could speak to yourself with the same kindness you’d give a struggling friend, what would you say?

You’re not alone in this. One step at a time, we can figure it out together. :blue_heart:

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Hello, Thanks for sharing your views and hope you cope with your stress mechanism.

Glad to see you trying out a new industry and hope things will be going smoothly for u!

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Hi @FuYuan_Affections

Thank you for your long, detailed reply! Honestly, after a long day of work and dealing with lots of anxiety today, looking at your message again makes me feel heard. Thank you again for taking the time to type out everything for me.

Like you mentioned, I do acknowledge that creating a list of things I’m not good at is not beneficial for my mental health, which my therapist has also advised me to stop doing. Like what you said, I will try my best to adopt a new approach and start recording things that I have persevered through instead (while i can’t think of any unfortunately) but hopefully, this will help me improve over time.

Regarding my anxiety peaking during work, I admit that I create a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself on top of all the busy work I’m doing. While it’s difficult, I will try my best to overcome it, and yes, that’s something I will explore with my therapist in our next session to feel anxiety yet still taking one small step forward—hopefully, I will gain a better understanding as well.

As for your two questions at the bottom, thanks for giving me something to reflect on. I will try my best to think about the answers.

At the same time, what are some ways you think I can cope better with anxiety and stress? I was considering seeing a doctor and getting medication to calm myself down, but I’m not sure if that’s a viable option. Also, based on what I’ve shared so far, do you think I should stay in my current job since it’s affecting my mental health so badly? Or do you think this would be a recurring problem anywhere I go if I don’t address the root issue?

I’m open to hearing your views… :slight_smile:

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Hi @User1709,

I really appreciate you sharing this, especially after such a long and exhausting day. It takes a lot to reflect on your own experiences and even more to actively seek different ways to cope. Even if you don’t see it yet, that’s progress—just sitting with these thoughts and allowing yourself to process them. I hear you, and I see how much effort you’re putting in, even when it feels overwhelming.

It’s clear that you’re carrying a lot of internal pressure on top of the expectations at work. And that kind of weight can make everything feel like it’s closing in, making it harder to breathe, harder to focus, harder to find clarity.

Before we talk about making big decisions—like whether to stay in your job—I want to hold space for this:

  • Right now, at this moment, what do you need the most?
  • Is it rest? Is it reassurance? Is it just a quiet moment where you’re not having to “figure things out” right away?

It’s okay if you don’t have an answer. But I want you to know that you don’t have to have everything figured out tonight, tomorrow, or even next week.

I hear your exhaustion, your self-doubt, and your frustration. But I also see your resilience—your willingness to keep moving, to keep questioning, to keep trying. That part of you is still fighting.

You mentioned that you’ll be exploring the idea of feeling anxiety yet still taking small steps forward with your therapist—and I think that’s an incredible place to start. Before we think about external solutions, let’s take stock of what internal and external support systems you already have.

  • Who, aside from your therapist, has made you feel even a little bit safe or supported?
  • What habits, no matter how small, have helped you feel even a tiny bit better before?
  • When was the last time you felt even slightly less burdened—what was different about that moment?

These questions aren’t meant to find instant solutions, but rather to notice patterns—because sometimes, what we need isn’t something new, but a reminder of what has helped before.

I hear that you’re considering medication to help with anxiety, and that’s a completely valid thought. While I can’t make that decision for you, I can help explore the considerations with you.

Medication can sometimes be a helpful tool, though it’s not a standalone solution. It’s more like complementary—helping reduce the intensity of anxiety so you have more mental bandwidth to work through the root causes in therapy.

A few things to reflect on whilst you think about your next steps:

:one: Have you explored different non-medication strategies concurrently with your treatment by the doctor? (E.g., grounding techniques, mindfulness, structured routines, small behavioral shifts.)
:two: Would you feel comfortable discussing this with your therapist or doctor to understand your progress, the risks, and the benefits for your specific situation?
:three: What are your thoughts behind medication as a way to completely remove anxiety vs. as a way to help you manage it better while still engaging in therapy?

Whatever you decide, it’s okay. Medication isn’t a failure, and neither is choosing to manage things without it. The goal is always about what helps you function in a way that feels safe and sustainable for you.

II understand that this job is negatively impacting your mental health, and it’s important to address this issue. But rather than answering with a simple “stay or go,” I want to help you explore what staying or leaving means for you.

:small_blue_diamond: If you stay: What would need to change (either internally or externally) for this job to feel more manageable?
:small_blue_diamond: If you leave: What do you imagine would be different in another job? Would your anxiety still be there?

Sometimes, when anxiety is deeply tied to our sense of self-worth, it tends to follow us into new environments. But that doesn’t mean leaving isn’t an option—it just means understanding whether the problem is the job itself or the way you feel about yourself in it.

A guiding question to consider:

Are you looking for relief from your current work stress, or are you looking for relief from the way you see yourself in this role?

I won’t rush you to find an answer, but I trust that you’ll start to see clues as you pay attention to what feels different in different environments.

Right now, you might feel like you’re standing at a crossroads with no clear path forward. That’s okay. You don’t have to have it all figured out tonight.

Instead of pressuring yourself to “fix” everything, let’s start with one simple thing:

Right now, what’s one small act of kindness you can show yourself before bed?
(Even if it’s just taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that you’re still here, and that’s enough for today.)

We are here, and We’ll continue holding space for you. You are not alone in this. :blue_heart:

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Hi @FuYuan_Affections

As always, thank you for taking the time to reply to my message and for all the thoughtful questions that really got me thinking :'))) Here are some of my answers:

(1) Right now, at this moment, what do you need the most?

To be honest, I just want to be happy. I want to be a good person, I want to be capable, I wan to be praised, and yes, I want to be reassured by others that I’m doing well and that I’m okay. Not feeling competent in my job, coupled with the intense workload, is really making my anxiety peak during work hours. Additionally, I guess I also need rest—real rest—because ever since I started working, my mind hasn’t had a proper break, and it’s taking a huge toll on me (affecting my sleep, eating etc)

Regarding my current internal and external support:

(1) Who, aside from your therapist, has made you feel even a little bit safe or supported?
One of my colleagues, who joined just a few months before me, has made me feel supported. She seems to be struggling with similar challenges, and I rely on her a lot for moral support—to push me to go to work and to remind me that things will be okay. Other than her, I don’t really have anyone besides my therapist… and I guess you now? (Hahaha.) I don’t usually share my problems with others because I feel like my struggles are minor and that the real issue lies in my weak mentality and mindset. Compared to others, my problems are nothing hahhaha.

(2) What habits, no matter how small, have helped you feel even a tiny bit better before?

Journaling, I guess. I write down my thoughts in a notebook, and sometimes it helps. I also scroll through Reddit, and if I see people going through similar issues, I reach out to them. Sometimes, having a chat with someone who understands makes me feel a little better. We also give each other advices and push each other. I guess that kinda helps too.

(3) When was the last time you felt even slightly less burdened—what was different about that moment?

Honestly, I think the last time I felt slightly less burdened was when I first joined the organization around late August 2024. It was different because, although I was making a lot of mistakes, I had the excuse of being new and was allowed to learn from them. Now that I’m approaching six months in, I feel like I still lack the necessary knowledge to do well in my job. I’m still making mistakes and just feel completely useless. Putting work aside, i don’t think in my general life i ever felt “slightly less burdened” because i always feel that i am a burden. Maybe, except when i am travelling i guess.

Regarding medication:

I understand that medication isn’t the best long-term solution. I am also scared of relying on it too much and i also understand that there might be other strategies as well. Since I’ve only had 2–3 sessions with my therapist, I haven’t discussed non-medication strategies yet, but I’ll explore that when I meet her next time. Also, open to hearing from you too on how you cope if you would like to share :slight_smile:

The reason I consider medication is because sometimes things get really tough. When I have panic attacks, or when I have to control my tears and lock myself in my room because of anxiety, it feels like I become a different person. I feel so sorry to my parents because they didn’t raise me up to be like this. The only coping mechanism I use right now is deep breathing from youtube, but it only helps a little. I guess I just want medication to take away all my sadness and overthinking… hahaha… My therapist mentioned that I have passive suicidal thoughts, so i am quite ok for now but I also don’t want it to escalate into anything more.

Regarding staying vs. leaving:

(1) If I stay:

The change I need is for this job to be less tough for me. I need to be able to do my job well, perform better, and contribute to my team without making so many mistakes. I also think the workload is too much for me (for my mental health i guess since i put alot of stress on myself), so it would be helpful if it could be reduced. Lastly, I wish to have supportive team members who could make things more manageable.

(2) If I leave:

The job scope would likely be different, but my anxiety would still be there. I know myself well—I get stressed out easily, and that’s the main reason I’m still holding on to this job. Becos I’m scared that if I quit and move to another job, I’ll end up just as stressed and repeat the same cycle which i know it might be this case. I really don’t know what to do… it’s so tough.

With regards to your guiding question:

“Are you looking for relief from your current work stress, or are you looking for relief from the way you see yourself in this role?”
I will reflect on this more…

And lastly, A small act of kindness to myself:

When I read this question, I actually teared up because I struggled to answer it. Do I even deserve to be kind to myself when I’m such a failure and keep messing things up? But… if I had to choose one small act of kindness, it would be acknowledging that I made it through another day and haven’t given up on myself. I guess like what u said I am lucky to still be here and replying your messages.

Again, thank you for your long message. It really made my night feel a little better and less negative. I truly appreciate it.

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Hey @User1709,

First of all, I want you to know this: I see you. The weight of your thoughts, the exhaustion, the self-doubt, the relentless pressure you place on yourself—I see all of it. And you are not alone in carrying this.

I can feel how much you are yearning for relief, reassurance, and recognition—to be told that you are doing okay, that you are enough, that all this effort you are putting in means something. And I hear you when you say you want to be kind to yourself but aren’t sure if you deserve it. Let me say this clearly: you do.

You are still here, still showing up for yourself, still finding ways to hold on, even when every instinct tells you that you are failing. That is not weakness. That is resilience.

You are not “useless.” You are not “a failure.” You are a person who is doing their best in a system that is not always kind to those who need time to grow.

So if you take away one thing from this response, let it be this:
You are doing more than enough just by being here, just by holding on, just by trying.


Holding Space for Your Emotions

There is so much in what you wrote that I want to highlight—not to fix, not to change, but to acknowledge.

  • You want to be happy, to feel capable, to be reassured. This means you still believe in the possibility of these things. That belief—no matter how small—is still hope.
  • You have identified support. Even if it feels small, you do have someone—a colleague, a therapist, and now this space. That matters.
  • You are aware of your patterns. You recognise that work stress triggers your anxiety, that you put a lot of pressure on yourself, and that leaving the job won’t magically fix how you feel. This self-awareness is a huge strength.
  • You still seek ways to cope. You journal. You reach out to others. You reflect. That means that despite how hard things feel, you are still searching for ways to hold on. That, in itself, is survival.

I want to pause here because I know that even reading words like these—words that affirm you—might feel hard to accept. I imagine there’s a part of you saying, “Yeah, but I’m still struggling. So what if I have these things?”

And to that, I say: struggle does not make you any less worthy of kindness. The fact that things are hard does not mean you are failing—it means you are human.


Attending to Your Emotional Needs First

Before we get to any solutions, let’s hold space for what’s happening right now.

  • Your anxiety feels overwhelming at work. That makes sense when you’ve been carrying self-doubt and the need to prove yourself. It makes sense that you feel like you should be “better” by now. But learning curves aren’t linear. What would it feel like to allow yourself to be in progress, instead of expecting yourself to be “good enough” already?
  • You feel guilty about struggling. You wrote:
    “Do I even deserve to be kind to myself when I’m such a failure and keep messing things up?”
    I want you to read that sentence again, but this time, imagine someone you care about saying that to you. What would you tell them?
  • You want relief. I hear that the thought of medication is not just about stopping the anxiety—it’s about needing something to make things feel bearable. That is understandable. And it’s okay to explore options with your therapist without judgment.
  • You are afraid that this struggle will follow you. That is a real fear, and I won’t dismiss it. But I want you to consider this: What if the issue isn’t that you’re in the wrong job, but that you are setting impossible expectations for yourself no matter where you go?

You asked how I cope. So let me share something personal with you:

I know what it feels like to feel like I am not good enough.
To feel like no matter how much effort I put in, I am always one step behind. I know the exhaustion of questioning myself every day, of wondering if I’ll ever be able to just exist without the weight of pressure and doubt.

And I also know that sometimes, the biggest relief doesn’t come from fixing everything but from letting myself breathe even when nothing is fixed yet.

So I’m not going to tell you to “think positively” or “just push through.” I’m going to tell you this:

You deserve rest.
You deserve patience.
You deserve to exist without proving your worth every second of the day.

And if you can’t believe that yet, I’ll hold that belief for you until you’re ready.


A Gentle Invitation to Explore Next Steps

Right now, I want to ask you:

  • If you didn’t have to be “good enough” right now, what would change?
  • If you let go of the belief that your struggles make you weak, what would you say to yourself?
  • What would it look like to give yourself one moment of relief today—without guilt?

I won’t rush you for answers. I won’t push you into solutions. But I will remind you of this:

You are not alone.
You are not failing.
You are already enough

—even as you struggle, even as you question, even as you search. And We’ll be here. :blue_heart:

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Hello @FuYuan_Affections,

Thank you for your reply. I didn’t respond yesterday because I had a really bad panic attack and a super tough time at night…

Firstly, I really appreciate you taking the time to share your advice and how you cope, as well as opening up about the exhaustion of not feeling good enough. (Thanks for sharing—I know it’s not always easy to talk about these things.)

Like you mentioned, while my current job feels like a bit of a job-fit issue, I do agree that a large part of it comes from me being too hard on myself—setting impossible expectations. Honestly, I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know how to stop setting such high expectations, how to be kinder to myself, and most importantly, how to believe that I’m good enough.

Deep down, I know this isn’t just about work—it applies to every part of my life. But since work is what I’m struggling with the most right now, it feels like the biggest source of my stress and anxiety. I watch a lot of videos, read a lot of advice, and journal regularly, but no matter how many times I try to “brainwash” myself into thinking differently, it doesn’t seem to help. I really hate feeling this way, and I just want it to go away. :frowning:

I’ve always wanted to be positive and brave, but instead, I feel like such a sore loser for feeling this way about myself. Fu Yuan, do you think it’s even possible to change this mindset when I’ve had it since I was young? Do you think my current therapy or counseling could really help change it? I know I need help, and I’m reaching out for it, but at the same time, I can’t tell if I’ll ever fully “recover” from this. It makes me wonder a lot about my super weak mentality because I grew up in a relatively blessed household/life and haven’t (realistically) faced as many struggles as most of my peers. So why am I so negative toward myself? Sometimes, I don’t even feel like I deserve to say I’m sad or struggling compared to my friend’s problems. Hahaha.

In response to your questions:

  1. If I didn’t have to be “good enough” right now…
    I’d probably feel lighter, less pressured to prove myself at every turn. I’d allow myself to learn and grow without the fear of failing.
  2. If I let go of the belief that my struggles make me weak…
    I’d tell myself: You are doing your best, and that is enough. Thank you for surviving the day.
  3. One moment of relief today—without guilt…
    Maybe just going for a long walk with my dog or going for a jog. Just embracing the breeze, appreciating nature, and then going home feeling happy—without guilt or stress.

Thank you for your advice =)

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Hello,

I am also experiencing the same as you but in a sense u r doing better as u r in 6mths which means you technically passed probation and they see value in you… In the meantime, my probation got extended which makes my feelings worst. Recently i thought of quitting as well but like you mention the self doubts and negativity will bring along with me even in a new environment a new workplace if I do not fix the root cause… I also feel really shet about myself tbh…

Like yourself I am a fresh graduate but maybe not as fresh as you as I actually took a 2 years break after my graduation… I just want to say, you are really not alone in this journeyy!

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Hi there, I not sure what advices I can give because I am also experiencing the same as you. I am also a fresh grad and I am in 1 month for my job and it’s really tough in terms of work and handling people. Like what others have said, you are not alone in this journey and hopefully all of us will be able to adapt or find a solution to this soon.

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Hi there,

I totally agree with you on fixing the root cause is the priority as it will bring along with you to the new work place environment if we don’t fix it.

I also thought of quitting and work on a lower-tier jobs like admin jobs but I feel all jobs have its own difficulties and challenges, and if our root causes don’t get addressed, it’s gonna be the same thing all over again.

Honestly I am also quite lost and don’t know what to do, but I will be seeking therapy sessions soon and hopefully can find ways to cope with it.

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Hey @user1709,

To hear about the panic attack last night, that must have been exhausting, both physically and emotionally. I hope that today feels just a little bit lighter for you, even if just by a small margin. And if not, that’s okay too—because you’re still here, and that matters more than anything.

I really appreciate how much thought you put into your response. Even in the middle of feeling so overwhelmed, you’re showing so much self-awareness. You recognise the impossible expectations you set for yourself, the way they weigh on you, and the deep frustration of not being able to just “fix” it with positive thinking or self-talk. That’s not easy to sit with, but here you are, trying to make sense of it all. That takes strength, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

And I hear you—this isn’t just about work. It’s about the way you’ve been measuring your worth for a long time. Work just happens to be where the pressure is the strongest right now. But the exhaustion? The sensation that you are perpetually required to demonstrate something, yet you never quite feel as though you are sufficient? That’s been with you for longer. And the hardest part? No amount of achievements or external validation has ever really filled that gap.

I want to sit with you in that space for a moment. Because it’s not that you aren’t enough. It’s that somewhere along the way, you started believing that being “enough” meant something impossible. That it meant perfection. That it meant never struggling, never needing help, never feeling lost. And now you’re here, exhausted from a battle you were never meant to fight alone.

You asked if it’s even possible to change this mindset when it’s been with you for so long.

My honest answer? Yes.

But not in the way people often think. It’s not about abruptly changing your mindset and accepting your own worth.

It’s about learning how to exist without needing to constantly prove that you are. It’s about giving yourself permission to breathe, to struggle, to learn, to be human.

Your answers to my questions really struck me:

  • “I’d feel lighter, less pressured to prove myself at every turn.”
  • “I’d allow myself to learn and grow without the fear of failing.”
  • “I’d tell myself: You are doing your best, and that is enough.”

I want you to take a deep breath right now and let those words sit. Not as some forced affirmation, but as a quiet recognition of what your heart has been longing for. Because deep down, you already know what you need. You don’t need to be “fixed.” You don’t need to “earn” permission to struggle. You just need a space where you don’t have to keep fighting so hard.

I know that place still feels far away. It’s easy to ■■■■■■■ to the comparison trap, believing that your struggles are insignificant because others have faced different challenges. But here’s what I know: Pain isn’t a competition. Struggle isn’t a contest. You are allowed to feel what you feel, even if others are struggling in different ways. You matter, even when your mind tries to convince you otherwise.

For now, maybe let’s start small. You mentioned a long walk with your dog, feeling the breeze, coming home happy—without guilt. What if that’s the moment you allow yourself today? Just a simple act of being present. Not because it will magically make everything better. But because you deserve those moments of peace, even in the middle of all this.

Also, you will get there with your therapist eventually.

We’ll be here, walking alongside you. No expectations, no pressure. Just holding space for you as you figure this out at your own pace. You don’t have to do this alone.

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Great to hear that you have started your journey with therapy!

Hello @mingming

Thanks for sharing your point of view, and yes, I agree—it’s very hard!

I remember my first month as a fresh graduate was extremely tough (though, to be honest, it’s still just as hard now… huhu when i’m already 6 months T_T). I think it’s worth giving yourself a few more months—maybe around 3 to 4 months—to see if things improve.

And yes… some people have told me that maybe this is just adulthood kicking in, and we’re still adjusting to it. ;( I just don’t know how much longer I need to give myself because my mental health is already in such a bad state, hahaha. Let’s figure this out together!

Hello @AnxietyEmployee ,

Thanks for sharing as well!

To be honest… I haven’t passed my probation yet because, in my company (government sector), the probation period is one year. However, I’ll find out whether I’m on track for confirmation at the six-month mark, which is early next month.

Honestly, I really understand how you feel because I’m also struggling with the thought of whether I can even pass probation (hahaha…). I’ve been making a lot of mistakes at work and require a lot of guidance, which has been super tough on me and making me doubt myself a lot. A part of me is also hinting to me that I will be ask to undergo a probation extension, which sucks… and to be honest, I really do not want to hear that.

I was talking to my therapist about it and how I would probably become super negative (and my mental health would completely collapse) if I failed probation in the end. However, She told me that we shouldn’t view it too negatively because it could actually be a form of redirection. In a way, it’s lucky if they still want to keep us—it might just mean we’re having a job fit issue rather than being completely incapable, and they still see value in us. She also reminded me that failing probation isn’t necessarily a bad thing because not everyone is suited for every role. I know it’s easier said than done, and to be honest, I still have a strong fear (or really a gut feeling) that I might fail too… but I’m trying to stay strong.

Hope we can figure this out together! Also, may I ask—what did you do during your two-year break after graduation? Did you just rest? :slight_smile: hehe

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