Struggling in new job as fresh graduate- very stress and anxious, please help!

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Hello @FuYuan_Affections ,

Thank you for your message and advice again. Knowing that I am not alone really means a lot to me, especially since I have been struggling by myself for quite a long time. I’m not a very open person, so nobody in my family or friend group knows about this—just you for now (and maybe people who read this thread lol) and my therapist.

I will try to take your advice and work on improving myself. Also, thank you for reminding me that one day I will get better—I really hope that day comes soon……very very very soon…

In the meantime, I’ve scheduled a new session with my therapist, but it’s only happening in two weeks because she is quite busy. To be honest, I’m really afraid… because two weeks feels like such a long time. But I’ll try my best to cope with my feelings because I don’t want to become too dependent on her. I might also visit a GP to see if I can get medication for anxiety if it gets really bad.

Lately, sleeping has been very difficult. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep—I always go to bed feeling anxious and wake up feeling even more anxious. My panic attacks have been increasing, and my heart hurts a lot. However, I’ve noticed that drinking warm water in the morning has helped me a little with my anxiety, so I’m going to continue doing that. I also started listening to anxiety-relief playlists and podcasts in the mornings on my way to work to help calm myself down. I still haven’t found a way to manage my anxiety during work hours, which is when it’s at its worst, but I plan to explore this with my therapist when I meet her. If you have any suggestions, please let me know!

For now, I’ve canceled all my upcoming plans and have just been locking myself in my room every day after work and on weekends because I don’t have the capacity to go out—my anxiety won’t let me. But I’ll try to work on this and push myself to go outside… and just breathe.

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Hello,

Thank you for sharing :grinning:
I took the break for my mental health but then while it worked out in a sense as I got lesser stress in life but I regretted not planning properly. Alot of self doubt on my worth and anxiety of not having a job and comparing with my peers made it way worse! But yes, i just rested like a potato at home hahhahah

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@mingming Im actually in an admin job now.
And im uni grad too, not fresh. Had a few yrs exp alr
Hm why u call it lower tier job, less pay? I used to wanto do a degree level job but no matter how much applied didn get. And briefly there was one but an FT butt kisser was bossy. She dw to use eng except to be rude. I got asked to go, not even a mth.

Quite sometime back bef Covid, I realise lower tier jobs may not be so bad.

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(post deleted by author)

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Yea I think the pay is lower than my current tech job, but with higher pay, it comes with more responsibilities. But honestly I do not have anything to look forward outside of work (I got no hobbies, no interest), just watching dramas and YouTube videos. I probably don’t need a high salary. But sometimes I feel quite empty and depressed that I don’t have anything to look forward to outside of work, and that makes me feel dreadful to go work without feeling fulfilled during rest days.

I also considered blue collared jobs like retail packer/cashier etc, but I am extremely unfit for my age group so that’s not possible too.

@Fenrispro May I ask how’s your admin job so far? Like is it good for someone like me that doesn’t want to climb corporate ladder, and just wants to do my work quietly?

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Hey @User1709,

I can see that you’ve already taken important steps forward—even if you don’t fully feel it yet. There’s already a game plan in motion. You’ve set things in place, and right now, it’s about following through, one step at a time. Let’s acknowledge that.

Here’s what I see you’ve already put in place:
:white_check_mark: You have a therapy session scheduled. Yes, two weeks may feel long, but you have that anchor point ahead of you, and that’s something to hold on to.
:white_check_mark: You are considering seeing a GP for medication support. That means you are proactively thinking about ways to manage your anxiety. That’s strength.
:white_check_mark: You are experimenting with small coping strategies. Drinking warm water, listening to anxiety-relief playlists, and figuring out what helps. This is resilience in action—even if it doesn’t feel “big” enough.
:white_check_mark: You are self-aware of when anxiety peaks. You already know that work is where it’s the worst, and you have a plan to explore this with your therapist.
:white_check_mark: You are respecting your current limits while keeping an eye on change. Right now, locking yourself in your room feels like what you need. But you also recognise that pushing yourself to go outside and just breathe is something you want to try. That’s balance.

You may not feel like you’re doing enough. But you are already in motion. Sometimes, progress isn’t about doing more—it’s about continuing the steps you’ve already started and trusting that they will lead somewhere.

When it comes to managing anxiety at work, one thing to consider is:
:arrow_right: If anxiety had a voice, what would it be saying to you at work?
:arrow_right: What does it seem to be protecting you from?
:arrow_right: Is there a way to acknowledge it without letting it take full control?

For now, I’d say stay the course. You already have strategies. You have a plan. Just follow through, one small step at a time. You don’t have to be perfect—you just have to keep going.

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Yes higher pay more responsib.

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Hello!

Thank you for sharing.

Also, kudos to you for taking a break for your mental health! It’s great that you recognized the need for it and actually took the time to rest. I feel like most of the time, we’re caught up in this rat race and think we shouldn’t take breaks.

I also completely understand the feelings of self-doubt and anxiety that come with not having a job and comparing yourself to your peers—I did that a lot too. Even now, when I think about quitting my current job and either (1) taking a break for my mental health or (2) moving to a less stressful job for better balance, I find myself overthinking whether it’s a wise decision compared to what my peers are doing.

I’m glad you took that step! Thanks again for sharing. Also, have you considered that your struggles in your current job might be more of a job fit issue rather than a reflection of your capabilities?

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@mingming @Fenrispro

Hello! To be honest, I’ve also been thinking about switching to an admin job lately—even though I used to dislike the idea because I didn’t want to do repetitive work. Also, sometimes feel “less accomplished” compared to my peers, who are mostly in finance and consulting, doing big big big work.

But I guess sometimes it’s okay to take a lower-paying job if it means better mental health, at least for individuals like us that don’t want to climb corporate ladder and do our work quietly…

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Hello @FuYuan_Affections,

Thank you, as always, for your advice and for taking the time to ask about my feelings. It really makes me feel heard. I appreciate how you make me feel important and worthy, especially when I often don’t feel that way myself. (Still can’t but i will try)

Today, I had a bad day at work. My supervisor seemed to doubt my work (though I think I might have overthought her words). I also have my six-month check-in with her coming up soon, which is something I’ve been thinking about a lot… Should I continue staying here, or should I just quit? Hahaha.

With regard to your inquiries, here are my thoughts:

:arrow_right: If anxiety had a voice, what would it be saying to you at work?

A daily voice of anxiety at work would sound something like this:
“You’re not good enough.”
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing? What if you make a mistake?”
“You’re so slow. Everyone else is doing better than you.”

These thoughts constantly play in my mind, making it difficult to focus and trust my own abilities.

:arrow_right: What does it seem to be protecting you from?

I guess anxiety often acts as a defense mechanism, trying to protect me from failure, criticism, or rejection. It pushes me to be extra cautious so that I don’t make mistakes or complete my work carelessly. However, in doing so, it significantly holds me back, affecting my confidence and leading to intense self-doubt.

This self-doubt makes work incredibly challenging because I constantly second-guess myself. Whenever someone reviews my work, I feel a surge of fear and anxiety, as if I’m just waiting for them to find a mistake. It’s exhausting and makes me dread even simple tasks. I also lack the confidence to work independently, and I feel like this might lead to my probation being extended since I still require guidance.

:arrow_right: Is there a way to acknowledge it without letting it take full control?

At this point, I honestly don’t know how to. Do you have any tips? I feel like my anxiety completely takes over, and I struggle to separate rational concerns from overthinking.

About Staying in My Current Workplace

I also noticed that you suggested I continue staying at my current job. Interestingly, my therapist mentioned the same thing when I saw her two weeks ago. She said she would check in with me again in our next session to discuss this further.

May I ask what led your to this suggestion? Is it for the same reason I’ve been considering—that it’s more of a mindset issue? I’ve been wondering whether my stress and anxiety would follow me no matter where I go unless I address them internally. Do you think that’s the case? At the same time, it’s so tough here hahhaha

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I think it depends on what type of admin job. Mine is not that repetitive- maintaing website and sending receiving stuff quite alot variety

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Hey @user1709,

Great to hear back from you!

What I’ve suggested is to help you recognise that building strengths in managing anxiety can empower you, regardless of whether you choose to stay or go (rather than saying that you should stay). From your replies and description, it seems to be shaping how you approach not just your job but also how you see yourself in all aspects of life.

Do you feel that the situation at work offers a chance to practice managing your anxiety in real-time? The goal isn’t to make the fear go away immediately but to build resilience so that you can cope better with the fear when it inevitably comes up.

When we look at your current challenges, it’s clear that fear is driving most of your thoughts and behaviours. I understand how overwhelming it can feel when your mind is filled with thoughts of “I’m not good enough” and “Everyone else is doing better than me.” This fear can make work feel like a battleground.

You mentioned that anxiety acts as a defence mechanism; what if we could approach the anxiety with a little more curiosity, rather than letting it take control? Could it be that your fear is trying to keep you from the discomfort of …? But what if the discomfort weren’t the enemy? What if it were an opportunity to learn and grow, not a sign of failure?

The anxiety you’re feeling at work doesn’t have to paralyse you. Instead, it can be the starting point for building strategies to manage fear. Here are some things to think about:

  • Identify Specific Anxiety Triggers: Which situations at work make your anxiety peak? Is it the fear of being… ? Could you experiment with small tasks where you deliberately manage your anxiety, like taking time in focusing on the process rather than the outcome?

  • Separate Rational Concerns from Anxiety: When you hear the voice of anxiety telling you “You’re not good enough,” take a moment to challenge it. Is that thought based on facts, or is it rooted in fear? How can you replace those anxious thoughts with something more rational and compassionate?

  • Build Self-Trust: What would it look like to trust yourself, even if it fails? Instead of thinking that every action can fail, could you start seeing them as learning experiences that help you improve? Self-compassion and self-trust are built gradually.

Your current challenges are not permanent. They are real, but they don’t define your worth. You’re already showing a lot of self-awareness, and the fact that you’re seeking to understand your anxiety and how it affects you is a huge step forward. The key is to give yourself time and space to build resilience, not to expect instant relief.

You are enough as you are, and the fact that you keep showing up, despite the anxiety and fear, is proof of your strength. I believe in your ability to manage these fears and build trust in yourself. Keep taking one step at a time, and know that you are moving toward healing and self-empowerment. :slight_smile: :muscle:

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Hi @FuYuan_Affections ,

Thank you for that. It’s been getting harder n harder for me these days and i keep getting panic attacks or bad thoughts at night which explained the slow replies but i will try my best to read them as they give me comfort.

I will take your thoughts into consideration and try to push myself. Thank you

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Hello! I am also in the same boat as you. It is important to note that you aren’t the only one facing this issue…

What I feel you can do is to try to find other ways to earn income and perhaps hobbies to keep yourself distracted? Maybe upgrade yourself and your portfolio?

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Hey @user1709

I’m a fresh grad who just entered the workforce too and just wanted to encourage you and affirm you that you’ll be alright.

I can relate to you wanting to quit because you feel like you’re not up for the job. I feel the same way sometimes but I remind myself that I need to take time to adjust and learn the ropes and it’s ok to make mistakes as long as I own up to them and learn from them. tbh, I cost my company a few hundred dollars before but I’ve learnt from it and have learnt not to make the same mistakes.

I just wish to tell you that you’re not stupid or a burden, you’re trying your best to adjust and adapt and you should be proud of yourself for getting through each day at work. Take one day at time.

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Ooh u weren replying to me but the OP rite? :sweat_smile:

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Yes I was, my bad :smiling_face_with_tear:. I’m still new to this platform.

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@NewMe

Hi NewMe! Hello & Thanks for the suggestion! will keep in mind :slight_smile:

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Hi @Marshmallow.youghurt

Thank you for your kind words, encouragement, and for sharing your feelings as a fellow fresh graduate.

It’s comforting to know that everyone feels the same way, and I guess this is how we realize that we are officially “adults” now—no longer sheltered as students. I hope you’re doing well in your first full-time job and not feeling too stressed. While its tough now, I’ll also do my best! :slight_smile:

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Let’s jiayou and do our best together!! :slight_smile: