Don't want to be an adult

Hangouts Adulting
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Hi, I am an uni fresh grad and just started my first full-time job this week. Over this week, I went through roller coaster of emotions, and it was super duper overwhelming as compared to student life.

There are simply too many responsibilities and ownerships at work, and no longer carefree like during internship where you just work on the primitive tasks itself.

Like you know I rather waste my degree to go and work as supermarket cashier or packer, those jobs that doesn’t require much thinking one, just repetitive actions and predictable routine. I also don’t mind not having kids and marriage in the future.

But people and even doctors told me that maybe now as a young adult, still got the energy and fitness to work, but what about when age 50? Cannot be forever work as a cashier? How would I take care of my aging parents then if the salary is much lower.

But again, this is a bit awkward because my parents are very nice and they are understanding of my mental health, and while they always on the mouth say in the future depends on me liao, but I felt in reality they don’t mind me not able to contribute because they said as long I can survive by my own without them in the future, it’s enough liao.

Adulting is definitely very hard, especially at work where you have all kinds of responsibilities such as main job scope, CCAs at work and even nitty gritty stuff.

Like at work, I have some deliverables but idk why I legit have no confidence to deliver it, like I felt my skills might be insufficient for the job… It’s tech btw, software engineer.

I also suspect that I have lost interest in tech, but then if I don’t do tech, idk what else I can do. Blue collar jobs? paiseh I am obese and plagued with health problems and fitness problems so I can’t stand and walk long, and am easily get foot injuries due to weight burden on my foot.

White collar jobs? White collar jobs more sian because I am now in white collar jobs, need deal with ppl, scared people gets annoyed if I asked too many questions when I not sure how to do, scared being awkward in social settings because I got no interest and hobbies and dk what to talk…

You know my dream life would be win a 10m toto, then just work at a nearby supermarket like sheng shiong, invest the toto money a bit to get some interests and gains, slowly spend and live slow for the rest of life. But a bit hard also ah cos my physical not good maybe cant work at sheng shiong also

tbh I don’t know why I wrote all these ah, but I just needed a place to write down these thoughts and see if my situation is relatable to anyone here or not.

p.s. I just found this platform from MindSG Healthhub because ever since starting my first full time job this week, I was very overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, anxious and stuff. Also didn’t really sleep well, keep on ruminating on all these work stuff lol

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Hi @MingMing,

Thank you for expressing your thoughts; it requires bravery to open up, particularly when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Making the shift from school to full-time work is a significant shift, and it’s quite common to experience a fluctuating emotional journey. The fact that you’re reflecting on all of this and seeking a space to process your feelings shows a lot of self-awareness and strength.

It sounds like you’re feeling a lot of pressure from the responsibilities at work, and I can see how that could feel overwhelming, especially in your first week. Going from the structure of student life to the demands of a full-time job is a huge adjustment, and it’s okay to take time to find your footing. It’s also completely valid to feel uncertain about your career path—many people experience this, especially early on.

I hear that you’re also worried about the future, both in terms of your career and how your current choices might impact your ability to care for yourself and your parents later. It’s a lot to think about, but it’s also a sign of how thoughtful and responsible you are. Right now, it might help to focus on small, manageable steps—what’s one thing you could do today to make work feel just a little bit easier or less stressful?

If you’re feeling stuck about your career, it could be helpful to explore what you value most in a job. Is it stability, creativity, connection, or something else? Sometimes reflecting on what makes you feel fulfilled can guide you toward a clearer direction. And remember, you don’t have to have everything figured out right now—it’s okay to take things one step at a time.

You’ve already taken an important step by sharing how you’re feeling and reaching out here. That’s not easy to do, but it shows how much you care about finding a way forward. Be kind to yourself during this transition—it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, and it’s okay to ask for support. You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough. :yellow_heart:

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@mingming Thank you for sharing your feelings so openly. Starting your first full-time job is a big transition, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed as you navigate this new chapter. What you’re experiencing is something many fresh grads go through, and you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way.

It sounds like you’re describing feelings of imposter syndrome — that nagging sense of self-doubt despite your qualifications and potential. It’s important to recognise that your employer hired you knowing you’re fresh out of uni, and they likely understand that you’ll need time to learn, grow, and adapt. Nobody expects you to know everything right away.

Sometimes, the pressure we feel can come from within rather than from others. You might be setting high expectations for yourself, which can make things feel heavier than they need to be. It’s okay to give yourself permission to take things one step at a time. Remember, learning and adjusting are part of the process, and even seasoned professionals were once in your shoes. :slight_smile:

It might also help to break things down into manageable chunks: focus on one deliverable at a time and celebrate small wins. When it comes to your feelings about losing interest in tech, it could be the stress talking, rather than a lack of passion. May I suggest that you allow yourself time to settle in before making conclusions about your career path?

It’s okay to feel lost right now; this phase is temporary, and you’ll find your footing. Be kind to yourself and take things one day at a time. You’ve got this! Jiayou!!

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It’s not easy transitioning from sch to adult hood. Work you have to handle more responsibilities and one mistake can have great impact. Intially I find it hard to adapt and even hope that I can work in jobs that are more carefree. But I can’t deny that because of stress at work and the responsibility, it have helped me to grow so much over the years. Perhaps in your current job, do you have anything that you want to focus on, such as any skills or achievements? It can be anything like improving communication skills, excel skills.

Working as a cashier may seem easier, but I believe all kinds of jobs have their own stresses.

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I win 1 mil toto enough already hahaha

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Yes, I agree that I am setting too high pressure and expectations for myself.

For example, my senior colleague is about to take leave from CNY week until 10 Feb week. We are a small team of 3 and that means myself and another senior colleague might need to cover him. The thing is this senior colleague that is about to be on long leave is doing the most work and a lot of stakeholders work with him.

So I think I overthink too much or worry too much that I need to be ready to cover him together with another senior colleague, and that probably shows that I put too much pressure on myself because I am still new, it’s only the first week of work and I am already wanting to be responsible and not cause any problems to anyone. At the same time, I am also very afraid that I might need to contact him while he’s on leave and that might offend him or even next time when I am in overseas, he will do the same to me since I did it to him, as I also don’t like people contact me while I am on leave…

And I realised that because of all these thinkings and worrying, everything has become heavier than they need to be, which is spot on like what you mentioned.

Like I live until super duper shag overwhelmed despite the things are actually not that heavy, it’s I myself put too much pressure on myself.

I actually spoke to my direct supervisor 2 days ago, and told her all my worries and even told her that I am considering quitting despite it was only first week, but it was shocking that my boss asked me to give myself a chance with more time to try it out first, because she told me that even if you work in other jobs like cashiers or packers, there will still be such similar circumstances where if you still put yourself too much pressure, it’s gonna be the same where everything will feel heavier than they need to be. So instead of trying to run away from all these issues and problems by choosing the supposedly easier job like cashier and packer, I need to face these issues to solve the root causes. Also, she also said that I have the great potential to be a valued team member because she noticed that from all these situations, she can tell that I am a very responsible person and not want to disappoint anyone, and told me that there are some people that don’t even want to voice our their concerns, and act blur and end up nothing is delivered and that only causes more problem to her. And she is very glad that I voiced out earlier so that now still early and can try to fix the issues before the problems get bigger in the future.

For now, I am speaking to some people and see if I can get assigned to get a life coach or something to teach me all these “workplace skills”, “communication skills”, “Society skills” and more to try address all these issues. I will also be speaking to counsellor from polyclinic as the start.

Also, if you guys have any suggestions or advices such as whether would getting a life skills coach help me to address these root causes or anything that might be useful to me, please do so, I will be super duper grateful to you all and I sincerely want to make a change and address the root causes and not just avoiding all these problems by just choosing the easier way out which is to say want be a cashier or don’t want do tech anymore.

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ok it’s gonna be weird but 2 hours later right now I am feeling overwhelmed again.

Like now I need to deal with insurance then the thoughts of booking an appointment with insurance people and afraid of being hard sell by them stresses me. I also afraid that I might not be able to afford insurance if I were to lose this job and might feel even more stress to look for job so that I can pay for my insurance and other stuff.

Then I just realised my mental health medical appointment has been rescheduled to next Wednesday and I am kinda afraid of going for too many medical appointments because I realised I have a lot of upcoming medical appointments for my mental and physical health. I think my direct supervisor would be more understanding but I am not sure about my colleagues and I don’t know what they will view of me, and I also not sure if I need inform my colleagues of I have medical appointment often or just inform my boss will do.

All these thoughts kinda stresses my mind and I feeling quite overwhelmed once again…

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Sounds like you have very high self awareness and want to change for the better. The first job is usually the hardest transition because suddenly now you’re not just responsible for your grades but responsible for your team’s performance to some extent. And unlike school, this “module” doesn’t end.

I haven’t tried formal life coaching before but I’ve seen a couple of therapists (they kinda have coaching capabilities too) so they were able to help me work through my issues. It doesn’t have to be like serious mental health issue kind to talk about it. I’ve grown to learn that no issue is too small to talk about. If you get that feeling from speaking to a professional, then you just haven’t found the right professional yet.

On sharing about your medical appointment with co workers - I think only share what you’re comfortable with. Most people (hopefully) know how to respect privacy and boundaries especially if you highlight that this is something private then maybe they won’t ask more.

On insurance, I think it’s important since you’ve started work. In terms of priority, get your medical insurance (your shield plans) sorted first since you don’t have any dependents. If you got more money then can start thinking about the other stuff like whole life / term life or personal accident plans.

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@mingming Regarding your worry about covering for your senior colleague during his leave, it’s understandable that you feel pressure as the newest member of the team. It’s good to be responsible, but remember that you’re not expected to know everything immediately. Communicating with your covering officer and leaning on your team for support can help ease this burden. Personally, while I don’t prefer being contacted during my leave, I also recognise that for tasks I didn’t hand over properly or where no one else can help, I am still accountable because it’s my work. Finding this balance may help reduce the stress of both covering for others and being away yourself.

Personally, I’m two months into a new job and often feel that I should be able to do certain work by now. But the fact is, I’m not—and that’s okay. When I have a question, I try to do my homework first, like checking shared drives or past emails for info I might need. If I still can’t find the answer, I approach senior staff with the perspective that I’ve tried but couldn’t find it. I’ll ask if they can share the relevant email or document, or if they’re okay for a quick chat about it. Most of the time, people are willing to help when they see you’ve made an effort beforehand.

On insurance, I completely agree with the advice shared by @Jaws to take it slow and don’t rush into purchasing everything at once, especially just because you’re starting out. As you become more financially stable, you can consider adding other types of coverage. Importantly, don’t feel obliged to buy from someone just because they’ve spent a long time speaking to you (or especially if they are your friend). It’s better to evaluate plans with a long-term perspective rather than rushing into decisions that might not serve you well in the future.

I’ve not engaged with a life coach before. But do share your experience with us if you ever do! :slight_smile:

Transitions like these are very challenging, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You’re actively taking steps to improve, and that’s already a big win.

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yea for sure, I agree with your title. I didn go to poly so din go thru internships. When young i thought adults would be self assured and have more wisdom… But i realise we learn life backwards
as a very wise job coach told me before.
And i’ve to deal with emo immature old— Yea It sucks to be adult >:

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Hello,

I totally know how you feel! I just graduated last year and am now in my first full-time job (6 months in). I had about 3-4 internships previously, but nothing felt as stressful and overwhelming as what I’m experiencing now. Let me just say, I’ve cried so much, and it’s really affecting my sleep and anxiety. As I’m typing this, I’m actually super stressed because tomorrow is Monday LOL.

Like what others have mentioned in the comments, I think this is just a transition phase we need to go through. You’re only in your first week, so it will get better! I suggest giving yourself another 2-3 months to see if things improve. From what you’ve shared about breaking the news to your boss about your stress and them encouraging you to stay, it sounds like your boss is quite nice—I hope that’s the case! HAHA.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. The beginning is always the hardest, and as fresh graduates, imposter syndrome is real. We often feel like we’re lacking, slow, or making mistakes. But I guess that’s all part of growing up and becoming an adult, right? ;’)

I know saying this sounds easy, but trust me, I really understand how you feel because navigating this is really tough. Let’s do this together—you’re not alone! Jiayous! :muscle: