Saw the other thread about being 40+ and jobless. I’m in a similar situation where I’ve taken a break after my contract ended, it’s been many months since I haven’t worked and I’ve lost the drive to find another job.
The job market has been depressing, and perhaps my skills haven’t particularly been in demand/I’m not that outstanding as a candidate. I’ve have a few interviews (only that few, in the past few months).
Right now, I’m depleting my savings and not actively finding income. It seems like I should be having anxiety about my financial status, I still behave like I’m not bothered by it. I generally spend less and am mindful on big purchases. It’s good since I’ve no family of my own, no house or car to pay for. I am a adult who doesn’t want to adult. The hustle and bustle here stresses me out and I don’t fit in.
Perhaps I carry a lot of shame. Like I don’t conform to society’s standards of what a person should be - always striving to become better and work towards a better life. I don’t have goals, lost the desire to have a house, kid, family. Don’t even give me a pet, or a plant. Is that a problem if I have nothing I want? Or maybe it just seems so out of reach, that I’ve convinced myself that I don’t want it? I don’t want anything???
Thinking hard about what drives me has been challenging. Lack the motivation to do anything. There’s no passion or cause I want to serve.
I’m happy to not have to deal with office politics, business problems. but I guess I’m not happy about not having a job, but I don’t really want it either? It’s scary, because I know it’s a problem that will get bigger and bigger overtime, especially if I don’t do anything about it now.
I know the generic advice is problem to practise self-compassion. How do I balance that with survival, and be practical to “save” myself.
Perhaps I’ve been “too kind” to myself that’s what led me to this situation now.
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Hi @mi0934jc
I’m thankful you shared your concerns and feelings! It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge and confront one’s struggles. I laud you in taking this first step, it suggests you want a change for the better from the current situation you are in.
Firstly, please know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Many people struggle with finding purpose, motivation, and direction in life.
Let’s break down some of the key points you mentioned:
- Lack of motivation and purpose: It’s essential to recognize that this is a common experience, especially during significant life transitions.
- Shame and societal expectations: Try to reframe your thinking around societal expectations. Instead of beating yourself up over not conforming, focus on what truly matters to you.
- Fear of the future and survival: It’s natural to feel anxious about your financial situation. However, try not to let fear dictate your decisions.
- Self-compassion vs. practicality: It’s not about being “too kind” to yourself. Self-compassion is essential for building resilience and motivation.
Here are some suggestions to help you move forward:
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Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience. Acknowledge that it’s okay to not have all the answers right now.
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Explore your values and interests: Reflect on what truly matters to you, what you enjoy doing, and what gives you a sense of purpose. This can help you discover new passions and directions.
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Break down big goals into smaller ones: Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of finding a new job or career, break down your goals into smaller, manageable tasks. This can help you build momentum and confidence.
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Seek support: Consider talking to a therapist, career coach, or trusted friends and family members. Sometimes, just sharing your concerns with someone who cares about you can help you gain a new perspective. WSG resources are available - please explore
https://www.wsg.gov.sg/home/individuals/career-matching-guidance.
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Focus on the present moment: Instead of worrying about the future or past, try to focus on what you can control in the present moment. Mindfulness practices can help you cultivate this mindset.
Remember, it’s okay to take your time figuring things out. You don’t have to have all the answers right now.
Keep in mind that it’s a process, and it might take some time to discover new passions, build momentum, and find a sense of purpose.
You got this! 
Understandable as there is the lie flat movement. Dealing w ppl sucks but at least be able to afford to take care of urself?