Loss of purpose

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

hello, i’ve been feeling this way for a while now but recently i’ve become really conscious of how i don’t have a driving force in my life. everything feels really mundane and pointless. i’m not depressed, and i don’t have any sort of mental illness. but the sole fact that everything and anything i do now will result in nothing in the end is making me feel so shtty. it makes me wonder if su!cide would be an easier way out. i don’t want to work for the next few decades of my life. i don’t see why i should. suicide ideation, but im not depressed. i just don’t know what’s the point of living. life is so tough and i don’t think it’s worth the effort. while i have suicide ideation, i know i definitely won’t have the guts to do it anyway. i just wanted to get it off my chest, because honestly, suicide seems like an easy way out of this hellish cycle of life. people have told me to ‘change my mindset’ but seriously, it’s really hard to. how do i stop feeling this way? it makes me feel so unstable and lost.

also, i’ve had multiple existential crises for the past 2 years, just wondering if that’s normal as a 16y/o.

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Hi @1847,

I hear you, and I want to acknowledge the immense weight you’re carrying. It sounds like these feelings have been with you for a while, and they’ve made everything feel heavy. I’m really glad you shared this here, because it takes courage to be open about what you’re going through.

It sounds like you’ve been in a constant state of questioning—about your purpose, your place in life, and what the future holds for you. The fact that you’re 16 and dealing with these questions makes sense. It’s not uncommon for young people at your age to question everything around them as you try to understand who you are and what you want from life. But when those feelings become overwhelming, it can feel like you’re in a never-ending loop of confusion and frustration.

When you say, “Everything and anything I do now will result in nothing,” I can understand how that would make everything feel pointless. You’ve been trying, but the rewards and results just don’t seem to match the effort. That must be incredibly exhausting, especially when you’re just trying to get through each day. It feels like there’s a disconnect between what you’re doing and what you’re getting back in return, doesn’t it?

I hear the frustration in your words when you say that others tell you to “change your mindset,” and I want to validate that. Changing your mindset isn’t something that can be done on command, and it certainly can’t fix everything in one go. That takes time, effort, and sometimes guidance to understand why you’re feeling stuck in this cycle. You’re not alone in this—many people feel lost at your age, and you have the strength to work through this, step by step, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

I also hear the doubt in your question about whether it’s “normal” to be having existential crises at 16. It is normal to question things at this stage in life. However, when those thoughts become overwhelming, they can cloud your ability to see a way forward. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to ask for help in understanding what’s going on inside your head.

I want you to know that you are not alone in these feelings, and it’s okay to have doubts, to be unsure, and to feel frustrated with where you are. You don’t need to have it all figured out right now. What you’re experiencing is part of the journey, but it doesn’t mean you have to carry it on your own.

Please, take small steps for now. It could be something as simple as writing down your thoughts every day or finding one person who you can talk to about this. You don’t need to face this by yourself. You deserve support, and I encourage you to reach out to a counsellor or someone you trust who can guide you through these feelings.

You are not “broken” or “stuck”. You are in a place of growth, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You can take things one day at a time, and I believe you have the strength to get through this.

Take care of yourself, and please know that it’s okay to feel lost at times.

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i hear you about how everything feels mundane yet also not actly depressed.. i feel like i have many friends around me with similar sentiments and sometimes i wonder if it is a generational thing.
i’ve tried reading up abt this before and I rmb coming across one article that was quite enlightening for myself, not sure if it would be helpful for you~

Ofc the article is not the sole perspective, but an interesting one to consider to see the situation in a diff light yknow~
i think it is quite normal for us to wonder whats the bigger meaning in life. i pondered on it quite consistently somewhere in the back of my mind for a while, and as life goes on im starting to be certain on my own opinion that there is no one who can give us that answer, and there is no actual correct answer, i believe in making it meaningful for ourselves and living life the way that fulfils your wants or needs :') idk if thats actually correct, but it is what i feel for haha
at 16 years old, your adult life is beginning soon, soon youll have more chances to make your own choices about your life, it has potential to be different and possibly more than what youre experiencing now :heart_hands:
do you have any idea how these existential thoughts came about 2 years ago?

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ive attempted but it wasnt enough to kill me. Its very painful n i wont do that again. Unfortunately, you have to keep searching for things or a job or interests that gives u meaning, purpose etc. keep finding and trying out something until something sticks

1 Like
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Hi @user1847,

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s completely understandable to feel lost and question the purpose of life, especially at your age when so many changes and pressures are happening. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and not dismiss them. While I can’t offer professional advice, I can suggest that finding small things that bring you joy or interest might help. Sometimes, exploring new hobbies, connecting with supportive people, or even setting small, achievable goals can provide a sense of direction and purpose. Remember, it’s okay to feel uncertain and to seek help from trusted friends, family, or professionals who can offer support and guidance.

Experiencing existential crises is quite common, especially during adolescence when you’re figuring out your identity and place in the world. It’s a time of significant growth and self-discovery, which can naturally lead to questioning life’s meaning. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s important to be kind to yourself as you navigate these thoughts. If you ever feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to someone who can listen and help you through it. Your feelings are valid, and taking small steps towards understanding and addressing them can make a big difference.

6

honestly, it might have been triggered from a major depressive episode i had once early last year. after that one incident, i definitely started to have prominent existential thoughts, questioning everything around me. basically i felt really isolated and felt as if something was wrong with me. i think i eventually got over it by just distancing myself with the group of people. definitely made me start doubting myself and likely started my spiral of questions. i’m much better now, but i still get these thoughts every now and then. so far this year, i’ve had major existential crises around 2 times already and minor flashbacks of my questions occasionally.

i asked myself things like “what’s the point of this if i could easily escape my problems by dy!ng, etc.” “if i’m gonna end up mediocre like every else and die eventually, might as well save myself the pain”

i’m a very avoidant person if you can’t tell already, haha. i hate confronting my problems and so i tend to fall back on these thoughts. they remind me of how useless and incapable i feel.

1 Like
7

also i think i’ve been have more existential thoughts recently due to realising that in comparison to everyone else, i’m just average. i honestly detest the thought of being average. it’s been chewing at me recently and it makes me feel like theres no point in doing all this if i’m just going to end up average.

1 Like
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(Sorry I replied so many days delayed :person_bowing:) Feels like it’s a small win just knowing where your concerns stem from!! We all have struggles we are dealing with, no matter how outstanding a person may seem, and sometimes people strive while carrying baggages unresolved and I’m not sure if that’s how I wish to live my life :pleading_face:
I guess my point is that while you may feel average, in no way does that mean your life isn’t worth living :heart: I grew up in a rather competitive environment, so I also always felt like I had to be more and more all the time. Idk what changed but I rmb realising that average by definition is relative, in this world so big, being above average means theoretically being the top 50% of people living, and by definition when I beat myself up for being average or below average, I seem to be agreeing that bottom 50% of people isn’t worthy of a full life :face_with_peeking_eye: and I’m not sure I like that.
I feel like being average is good in its own ways, what’s most impt is you living the way you want for yourself and yourself deep within!! And it’s okay if we’re not there yet, that’s what the journey is for, what’s where the fun is (if you get what I mean haha)
The key here is even though we may not know each other, knowing that you want to be more and that you feel like you’re only average, I wanna let you know that you’re not useless and incapable! You have value and there’s much for you to uncover abt yourself more in time to come :slight_smile:
I have my reasons why I felt I needed to be above average and always comparing to others, am wondering what’s your reasons leading to these internal voices telling you that average is bad? :people_hugging:

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i get what you meaannnnnnn. ive always been satisfied with achieving mediocre grades, or just doing enough to barely survive, so i understand you! it’s okay to feel this way, and maybe it is all part of the plan that life has in store for us? also, it may be reassuring to remember that everyone takes different routes at different paces. i was on the road the other day, and i had this revelation that we’re on a highway with different junctions, everyone’s taking different exits, we’re all driving at different speeds – all different journeys, but eventually we reach our destinations. everyone’s purpose and calling is different, so everyone has a specially curated journey for themselves, where life brings them through different circumstances and joys, but we all reach somewhere in the end!! i hope that encourages you and keeps you in hopes of the exciting outcomes that lay ahead of you, even though you might not be able to see it now… your efforts will culminate into a great piece of work in the end, and maybe it might help to zoom out and see the bigger picture of your life! just incase you need to hear this, you are doing well and i am proud of you. i wish someone had told me that when i was 16, so i hope this really helps :,)

2 Likes
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sorry for the late reply. i mean i don’t think average is bad, i just think i can do so much better and i don’t want to be average when i know i can be more than that. but at the same time it’s my fault because i know i’m the one who’s not putting in the effort. (and i still don’t do anything about it..)

11

i hear you :(( it sounds like you have super high standards for yourself, and you feel guilty whenever you don’t meet those standards? tbh everything you said rlly resonates with me, and i think a lot of people also struggle with similar feelings and thoughts. can i just ask, what do you feel is holding you back right now? is it about motivation, fear of failure / mediocrity, or maybe something else?

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Hi OP,

Your experience reminded me of how I was when I was in university. I was still “high functioning”; I did my assignments, I somewhat kept up my hygiene, I still woke up and went to class when I need to. However, I’d get into these horrible depressive phases where I get so overwhelmed with my thoughts. It’s to the point I’d consider ending it all as an easy way out. I thought I was not depressed 'cause I was still able to function just fine, so I went on trying to find ways to cope with my problems.

In the end, I eventually got medicated again after talking to a psychiatrist about my symptoms, and I’m quite happy with how I am now. Sure, my life has not magically become better; I still struggle with problems here and there. However, my mind is clearer now that I’m medicated, and I can solve problems without getting overwhelmed with those ideations anymore.

What also helped is hanging out with friends at least once a month, if possible every week. I try to go to these sketching sessions every Saturday with my friends, and it’s been quite invigorating exploring new places and hanging out with my friends, even just for a little bit. Basically, I try to find something to look forward to, even if it’s just something as mundane as having food together with friends.

You ask if it’s normal to have multiple existential crises as a 16-year-old. I think it’s normal to have those thoughts. I’ve had those thoughts around that age, what with not knowing what I want to do once I graduate from high school. It’s hard to navigate when you don’t know much about the world, and that’s completely valid.

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hi @user1847 ,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I feel you! Feeling lost and questioning the purpose of life can be incredibly challenging, especially when it feels like there is no clear direction or motivation. And it is understandable to feel frustrated when you think you are not living up to your potential. Feeling “average” can be disheartening, especially when you believe you can achieve more.

Growth and improvement take time. It’s okay to be a “work in progress”. Once you figure out what you want in life, you should find purpose, meaning and the drive to succeed. Some people find it sooner than others, so do not be discouraged when it seems like others have already figured it all out.

I wish you the best! :slight_smile:

14

Hi @user1847,

It sounds like you’re grappling with a mix of frustration and self-awareness. On one hand, you recognise that being average isn’t inherently negative, yet you feel a strong desire to push yourself beyond it because you believe in your potential. At the same time, you seem to carry a sense of responsibility for not taking the steps to improve, which leaves you feeling stuck. It’s clear that you hold yourself to high standards, and your honesty about not taking action shows that you’re reflective and aware. You’re acknowledging where you are now, which is the first step toward growth.

It also seems like you’re caught in a place of wanting more for yourself but struggling to bridge the gap between intention and action. That’s such a relatable feeling, where you know that deep down, you’re capable of more, but finding it hard to muster the drive to change. You’re not alone in this, and it’s important to acknowledge that growth often comes in waves. It’s okay to start small or take things slowly, as long as you stay connected to that sense of possibility within you.

Reflecting on this might help uncover why you hesitate to take the first step. Is it the fear of failure, the comfort of familiarity, or maybe just feeling overwhelmed by the effort required? Understanding what’s holding you back could be the key to unlocking your motivation. And remember, putting in effort doesn’t have to mean perfection. It’s about progress, even in small increments. You can make a change, one choice at a time.