I have suicidal thoughts from about 4 years ago and I also self harm( to let out my emotions) when I’m stress , irritated and angry .Even though I still laugh when watching fun videos or when I’m with my friends, I feel that these emotions are temporary, and after they pass, I just feel tired and hollow inside.eventhough I have suicidal thoughts ik that I wouldn’t attempt suicide as I’m like too scared to die .This conflicting thought make me hate myself more. I also feel that living is extremely tiring thus making me wanting to die early.Im also extremely stress about my future as I feel that there is no future for me ( partly because I didn’t plan anything and me wanting to die early).last year when I was preparing for my O’s I would retch when I’m stress or tired physically or sometimes for no reason and I would also feel extremely irritated(without any reason) and have a loss of appetite for Abt 2 months . But during the holidays the retching ,loss of appetite and irritation stop."I’m usually okay when I’m feeling normal, but once I start experiencing something negative, the suicidal thoughts start again.i just wanted to ask if this is normal to feel like this and if I make the right choice to not appealing to jc ( after asking comments from chatgpt)as I think my symptoms will get worsen .
Hi there,
You are experiencing really intense and stressful. If you allow me to, I hope to pace with you and let you know how it takes a lot of strength and courage in you to make it through your O levels and now being able to be open to speak out about it.
I want to congratulate you for finding that little bit more self love and strength with clarity to articulate that many ntense feeling words to make sense of what is going on in your mind and what is felt in your body.
I also want to think you are someone very in touch with emotions in people around you, you are able to make them feel comfortable even though you have many thoughts racing through you.
If you allow me, in the process of attempting to work and pace with you, it may bring discomfort.
If at any time you do feel discomfort, please do know you can still seek help anonymously with SOS at 1767 free of charge or check yourself in at the nearest emergency as your safety is of utmost importance.
I hope to ask you to re-read what you have wrote to ask how do you feel at this first read?
Now to re read at just the feeling words both positive and negative, how fleeting are each words to you now? Zero being very strong and stays with you, 10 being the feeling going away in a light sneeze.
I would say maybe 2-3. These thoughts will likely remain until triggered by some sad or negative events
When you first read, how did you feel? Was it still 2 to 3 of 10 for all the emotions?
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Let us see things through with just your perspective, not your parents, not your mentors, not chatgpt nor any boards just yet!
Have you had a conversation with yourself on how you want to proceed the next step in life?
It is normal to feel the mixed emotions because what you went through was a life milestone, and soon after the intense period, another one is already in process already.
While that is true, what there is also truth in how articulate you are with words thus your words do have effect over how you decide every aspect of your life.
What I hope that You could check in with you, if all emotions are equally true,
◇what are the thoughts or words that comes to mind when:
(1)“I’m usually okay when I’m feeling normal”
(2) " I retch when I’m stressed or tired"
(3)" I still laugh when watching fun videos"
(4) " I feel…emotions are temporary"
◇Temporary emotions, which emotion is the most temporary for (i) positive (ii) negative emotions?
◇lastly, an emotion called love was not mentioned. How much self love would you score for yourself?
Zero being you filling up with family and friends support to 10 being you loving everything of yourself with family and friends supporting you.
What supports you with the score, while in that give you strength to open up and grit through Os?
hi @Jjjj!
it sounds like you’re going through a lot, and it can’t have been easy to deal with 
even if you are certain you won’t attempt, suicidal thoughts are really distressing and it’s better to do something about it as early as possible 
i’m not a professional and i can’t say if it’s normal, but i was in a similar place a few years back and i understand a little about how difficult it is… normal or not it’s affecting your everyday life, which makes it worth looking into
have you shared these experiences with anyone outside this platform?
Hey @Jjjj, thank you for sharing your story! Your courage in being vulnerable is truly admirable. I can really relate to your struggles about stressing and worrying about the future. Whether we have a detailed plan or none at all, life often unfolds in unexpected ways, and that uncertainty can feel overwhelming.
A friend once shared a metaphor with me that I found comforting, and I’d love to pass it along to you. Have you ever climbed up a flight of spiral stairs? As you go up, what can you see? Chances are, we can’t always see the final destination — only the next turn or two ahead. As such, the only thing we can do is to take it slow, one step at a time, trusting that the path will continue to unfold.
Every time I feel a flurry of overwhelming big emotions about the future, I always try to ground myself in the current moment and remind myself of this imagery. You are not alone in this, and I hope this perspective brings you even a small sense of ease 
Dear @Jjjj
I am glad you’re reaching out for support. It sounds like you’re going through an incredibly tough time, and I want to acknowledge how much courage it takes to open up about these feelings. Thank you for taking this first step.
To answer your question: No, it’s not “normal” to feel this way, though it’s more common than people realise. Many people experience what you’re describing—feeling hollow, exhausted, or overwhelmed with emotions that come and go. It’s okay to feel confused and conflicted about your thoughts. It’s also really important that you’re aware enough to recognise the impact these thoughts are having on you which is a attempt to release emotion and I believe may be signs of deeper emotional pain that can be treated with the right support.
In terms of making decisions like whether to appeal to JC (Junior College), I want you to know that these types of choices can certainly feel incredibly overwhelming, especially when you’re feeling the weight of depression or anxiety. Sometimes when we’re struggling emotionally, we can feel like every decision has huge consequences or that there’s no point in making a plan. However, even if you don’t feel like it right now, things can get better, and you have the capacity to create a future that aligns with what you truly want.
Here are a few things to consider:
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You don’t have to go through this alone: Have you thought about talking to a counsellor or therapist? They can help you understand these feelings more deeply and give you tools to cope. Sometimes, just having someone listen without judgment is incredibly powerful.
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Don’t isolate yourself: It’s great that you’re able to enjoy fun videos or spend time with friends, even if those moments feel temporary. Keep leaning on those moments, even if they don’t always last. Let people in your life know what you’re going through, if you can. Friends, family, or trusted adults can be there for you, and sometimes, we all need a reminder that we don’t have to carry everything alone.
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It’s okay to not have everything figured out: You don’t need to have a clear picture of your future right now. Your feelings about your future might feel unclear and negative, but this is often a part of life. It’s okay to take small steps toward figuring it out, and you don’t have to do it all at once. Take one thing at a time.
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Focus on self-compassion: It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-dislike, especially when you feel disconnected or “hollow.” But remember that everyone deserves kindness, especially from themselves. Be patient with yourself, and try to avoid judging your emotions. Just acknowledging that you’re feeling the way you are can sometimes lessen the intensity of the feelings.
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Consider your physical health: The physical symptoms you mentioned, like loss of appetite, retching, and irritability, are all signs that your body is under extreme stress. Making sure you’re taking care of your physical health (through proper eating, exercise, and rest) which I believe can help to ease some of the mental strain. Even small steps like breathing exercises, going for a walk, or eating regularly can be small ways to help your body handle the stress you’re feeling.
Ultimately, I think it’s really important to reach out to someone who can help you with these deeper feelings, whether it’s a therapist, or supportive friends and family. I have totally been there and know it’s tough, but taking that first step could be really life-changing.
Please remember that you’re not alone, and that your life has immense value, even if it’s hard for you to see it right now. You deserve the chance to heal, grow, and find peace. Take it one step at a time, and allow yourself grace as you navigate these emotions. You are 
worthy of that care. 
The question I wanted to ask is whether I really need to seek professional help,(like if this is serious enough)because when I have nothing going on, I don’t feel all these emotions. But as soon as I start to feel stressed, all these problems resurface again(maybe less of the retching irritability but more of the suicidal thoughts and urge of self harm ) plus I know that I woudn’t actually attempt suicide
Dear @Jjjj
Thanks for checking in and letting me know that these strong emotions and reactions such as retching, suicidal thoughts and self harm tendencies usually resurface during stressful moments, but they seem to fade when things are calmer. I am glad that you have already developed good self awareness such that during intense situations you are still able to mindfully choose not to act on your thoughts. However, it will be helpful to talk to someone who can support you through this and help you understand why these emotions come up, what triggers you and identify behavioural patterns.
I also suggested counselling as I have observed that it can help by equipping you with tools to emotionally regulate, manage stress, and self-soothe when those overwhelming feelings arise. Strategies to cope and understand what’s going on in a way could empower you. You don’t have to go through this alone. Seeking help shows strength, and it can be a step toward building a stronger foundation for when things feel tough.
Speaking to people you trust in safe spaces helps.
If family cant cut it, there really are teachers and school counsellors (even your sec sch ones since you just grad) as they definitely have counselled seniors before you.
When you feel intensely affected, SOS are manned with trained personnels to pace with you and it would be annomymous for the callers and the operators.
recovery is possible. i was in ur shoes, i got professional help n kept mentally healthy n healthy lifestyle. Kept building lists for reasons to live, what i like, meaning and passion. I too didnt plan for my future cuz i attempted n expected life to stop there. Just take some time to pick yourself up, look for what you wanna do in life and just go on