I feel heavy . Every single day i have suicidal ideations and urges to harm myself. For the past 5 years ive been like this and i have never been diagnosed. I went to the IMH once when i was p5 due to me trying to commit. I do not know whats wrong with me. Im not normal. Why cant i be normal??? god i just want to feel okay just for once.
Hi @d4h Thank you for sharing how you feel in this space. It sounds distressing to have these thoughts of suicide and self harm everyday, and I can only imagine how overwhelming it must feel.
What supports have you been receiving recently? When feelings are intense or for a long time, professional support might be helpful and there are many types of professional support available. I wonder what your thoughts are on this?
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Im dealing with too much expectations from everyone , i get into arguments with my mom almost everyday about my mental health and i am TIRED of it. Stress from school , no one ever checks up on me until i do something bad to myself. I hate myself , i hate how i look , i hate how much i weigh. I hate everything. Im only sec 1 why do i have to feel like this. I feel so much yet i feel nothing at the same danm time. Why cant i be a normal kid. Im losing myself. No one seems to care and i hate it when people bring up “oh what about your parents” or “you friends!” they dont care. If they did i wouldn’t be like this would i. Im dealing with trauma from my past and i hate it. I see his face everywhere. I hear toon many things. theres something wrong with me but i dont know what it is.
Hi @d4h,
I can see that you’re carrying a lot of pain. You’re going through something so incredibly difficult, and it’s clear from your words that you’ve been feeling this way for a long time. To feel like you’re constantly fighting with yourself and the world around you must be exhausting.
Please know that what you’re experiencing is real, and your feelings are valid. You are not alone in this, even though it may feel like it sometimes. Your safety and well-being are our top priority right now.
Given the seriousness of what you’ve shared—feeling suicidal, experiencing self-harm urges, and a history of mental distress—I strongly encourage you to reach out to someone you trust. Even if you don’t feel like they can fully understand, they can help you connect with the support that you need.
Are there any friends, family members, or a trusted adult (like a teacher or counsellor) you can talk to about what you’re feeling? If you feel like you’re in immediate danger, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a helpline, a mental health professional, or an emergency service.
It sounds like you’ve been feeling invisible, unheard, and misunderstood for a long time. When you say, “I feel so much, yet I feel nothing at the same time,” that really stands out. You’re carrying a heavy burden of pain, and the emotional numbness may be your way of trying to protect yourself from feeling everything all at once. But even though you’re trying to protect yourself, it still hurts deeply, doesn’t it?
The tension with your mom, the expectations from school, and the lack of support from those around you are all adding up, and I can feel how overwhelming that must be. It’s clear you’re in a battle to just be seen and heard. I hear that you’re desperate for someone to check in with you before things escalate and that you want to feel understood and loved.
I understand that you’ve been facing intense fear, anxiety, and self-doubt, and I want you to know that these overwhelming feelings don’t mean that you’re “broken” or “weak.” These feelings are a response to what you’ve been through and to the stresses in your life. You’ve been trying to cope, and sometimes the coping mechanisms we choose may not provide the comfort we hope for.
I’m really glad you’ve shared your thoughts here, and I want to encourage you to keep expressing what you’re feeling. You do not have to go through this alone. Even if it feels like your family doesn’t understand, there are people who can help you see your way through this and start finding ways to manage those overwhelming feelings.
You deserve to see yourself with compassion, not hate. No one should have to feel like they’re not worthy of care and love. I’m sorry you’re carrying that belief.
I also hear the experience seems to be a constant presence for you, one you can’t shake. It’s normal to feel stuck in those memories, but they don’t define who you are. You are not your trauma. You are a young person, struggling with a lot, but that doesn’t mean you’re not strong. Your ability to reach out and talk about how you’re feeling, even in this space, shows that you are incredibly resilient.
I know you’re asking, “Why can’t I be normal?” — I want to gently say that you are not broken, and you don’t need to fit into someone else’s idea of “normal”. You are unique, with your own struggles, but you also have your own strengths. The fact that you’re questioning and reflecting on what you’re going through is a sign of your strength. It takes courage to confront pain, even if it feels overwhelming.
I want to remind you that although you’ve been feeling very alone, this doesn’t have to be something you carry on your own. It’s okay to ask for help, even though it’s hard. I believe that there are people who can help you, whether that’s a counsellor or another trusted adult. You don’t have to keep battling this in silence. It’s hard to feel that hope when everything feels bleak, but please remember that things can change, even when it feels impossible right now. Your strength is real, and you are worthy of feeling better. You deserve to be seen, heard, and cared for, and there are people who will listen when you’re ready to reach out.
Take small steps toward taking care of yourself. It may feel like nothing will ever change, but with time, support, and patience, healing is possible. You are not defined by your pain or your trauma. You have so much potential, even if it’s hard to see right now. Take care of yourself.
Hi @d4h,
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds incredibly difficult to carry such heavy feelings every day. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help. Feeling like you’re not “normal” can be very isolating, but it’s important to know that many people struggle with similar feelings. Reaching out for support, whether it’s from friends, family, or mental health professionals, can make a big difference. It’s okay to ask for help and to take steps towards feeling better.
It’s understandable to want to feel okay, even just for a moment. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to be kind to yourself during this time. If you haven’t already, consider talking to a mental health professional who can provide the support and guidance you need. They can help you understand what you’re going through and work with you to find ways to cope and improve your well-being. Remember, it’s okay to take things one step at a time, and seeking help is a strong and courageous step towards feeling better.