Hey @User1720,
I hear you. I really do. And I want to say, thank you for choosing to share this here. I can tell this isn’t something you’ve spoken about before, and even though it may feel like you’re just “letting it out,” that in itself is a big step.
It sounds like you’ve been carrying these thoughts for a long time—since secondary school—and yet, you’ve found ways to keep going, to function, to “bounce back” each time. That says a lot about your resilience. But I also hear your confusion… wondering why these thoughts still come, even on normal days, even without a major trauma to pinpoint. That must feel unsettling, almost like a mystery you can’t solve.
I want to assure you of something: there is nothing “wrong” with you for feeling this way. Sometimes, our minds hold onto distress in ways that aren’t always logical or obvious. You don’t need a traumatic event to “justify” what you feel—pain doesn’t always come with an origin story. And the fact that these thoughts have been persistent, even when things aren’t necessarily “bad,” tells me that they might be asking for your attention, not to overwhelm you, but to be understood.
You mentioned that you’ve never acted on these thoughts and that every time they come, you find a way to move past them. That’s important. But I also hear you questioning why they come at all and whether they are something to be concerned about. If you’re open to it, maybe the real question isn’t “Why am I feeling this way?” but “What do these thoughts need from me?” Are they signalling exhaustion? Is there a way your mind is trying to process stress? Or something else entirely?
I want to remind you that seeking support doesn’t mean you’re weak, nor does it mean you have to be in a full-blown crisis. Sometimes, seeking help is simply about getting clarity—about having a safe space to explore these emotions without judgement. You’re not overreacting. Your feelings are real, and they deserve attention.
For now, I want to hold space for you. No pressure to figure it all out today, no pressure to take action if you’re not ready. Just know that you’re not alone in this. And if you ever feel like talking more, we are here to listen. 