is there something wrong with me?

I’m not sure who I do I turn too…I’ve been having thoughts of ending my life for quite sometime now. I think it started when I was still in sec school but it became more frequent when I entered poly and it has stayed with me even after I’ve graduated.

Even though I’ve had these thoughts for a while, I’ve never actually acted on it. And every time I feel down or am affected by these thoughts, I’ve always found myself being able to bounce back from it which is why I’ve never seek help nor spoke to anyone about this.

I think I’ve been functioning perfectly fine despite having those thoughts, but maybe it’s because I try not to think about it all the time. I thought that it happens when I’m having a bad day but I haven’t had any terrible days so why do I sometimes think about it? And I don’t think I’ve had any traumatic childhood or any traumatic events…so why? Is there something wrong with me? Or does my head just likes creating random scenarios…

I don’t know if this is dumb. Or maybe I’m just overreacting…but I just felt like I needed to let it out for once…

Hey @User1720,

I hear you. I really do. And I want to say, thank you for choosing to share this here. I can tell this isn’t something you’ve spoken about before, and even though it may feel like you’re just “letting it out,” that in itself is a big step.

It sounds like you’ve been carrying these thoughts for a long time—since secondary school—and yet, you’ve found ways to keep going, to function, to “bounce back” each time. That says a lot about your resilience. But I also hear your confusion… wondering why these thoughts still come, even on normal days, even without a major trauma to pinpoint. That must feel unsettling, almost like a mystery you can’t solve.

I want to assure you of something: there is nothing “wrong” with you for feeling this way. Sometimes, our minds hold onto distress in ways that aren’t always logical or obvious. You don’t need a traumatic event to “justify” what you feel—pain doesn’t always come with an origin story. And the fact that these thoughts have been persistent, even when things aren’t necessarily “bad,” tells me that they might be asking for your attention, not to overwhelm you, but to be understood.

You mentioned that you’ve never acted on these thoughts and that every time they come, you find a way to move past them. That’s important. But I also hear you questioning why they come at all and whether they are something to be concerned about. If you’re open to it, maybe the real question isn’t “Why am I feeling this way?” but “What do these thoughts need from me?” Are they signalling exhaustion? Is there a way your mind is trying to process stress? Or something else entirely?

I want to remind you that seeking support doesn’t mean you’re weak, nor does it mean you have to be in a full-blown crisis. Sometimes, seeking help is simply about getting clarity—about having a safe space to explore these emotions without judgement. You’re not overreacting. Your feelings are real, and they deserve attention.

For now, I want to hold space for you. No pressure to figure it all out today, no pressure to take action if you’re not ready. Just know that you’re not alone in this. And if you ever feel like talking more, we are here to listen. :blue_heart:

1 Like

I was similar but i never bounced back by myself. R u still in school? School counselor is free. Else you might want to go to polyclinic to get a referral for help for suicidal thoughts. Dont be like me where i didnt seek help cuz i thought it was normal until i snowballed n attempted. Ive recovered from suicidal thoughts after receiving help plus adding on coping mechanisms ive created or found that works for me. Its amazing to live life without the dark cloud covering ur head, trust me. Feel free to talk if u r open to it

(post deleted by author)

Thank you for your kind words. I think I always have this thought that the problems I’m facing aren’t that serious, in a way I’m not facing a “full-blown crisis” so I don’t need to seek anyone else’s help…

I’m not in school anymore…recently I’ve thought a lot about getting help. But I think I’m a little scared of what my parents would say. They’re quite religious and I can almost hear them say it’s because I’m not thinking about God.

in the long run, would getting help improve you or not getting help to refrain parents from nagging you about religious stuff ? Maybe get help secretly without them knowing?