so im a 12 year old, the youngest of a family of 5. im really close to my parents especially my mother, growing up i always slept with her 'cause it made me feel safe, but now that im 12 i know that i can’t be sleeping with her all the time. every night before i fall asleep, i get anxious about losing both my parents but all the anxiousness goes away when i sleep with my mother. though i am grateful for everything they have sacrificed for me, i still sometimes get rude to my mother when i can’t take it anymore. i really feel bad for all the times i’ve been rude to her and now i feel guilty and don’t want to lose her. any tips to stop worrying about the future when they eventually pass and tips for sleeping quick?
Thanks for this question and sharing how you feel about your situation. You have a whole lot of self-awareness for someone your age – I respect you for that! – and I can see how you’re super worried about the future when it comes to losing your parents, especially your mother. Your worry seems to serve a function here – I wonder if it’s to protect you from the future loss (by giving you a sense of control) but at the same time, it also takes away precious time and energy to do other things you could be doing with your mother. This is a pretty existential question that got me thinking a lot too! But I think it helps if I zoom back down to what’s important instead of being drifted away by all the other what-if questions it provokes!
A person can be grateful for the care they receive and at the same time be upset that they might not get anymore one day. You can spend your time and effort worrying about the future that isn’t here yet or spend your time and effort doing things you love with your parents! Cause you seem to have figured out that gratitude (a.k.a. being thankful ) could be the key for you here so let’s try to see how you can include it in your day-to-day:
- Journaling about anything (moments, people, aspects of your life) that you are grateful for. Try to aim for at least ten items on your list.
- Thinking of a time when you were in a difficult situation that you were able to solve - then appreciate having overcome it
- WWW (what went well): reflect on what went well for you, especially if you had a bad day
- Share your gratitude: Thank someone who did something good and explain what you are grateful to them for.
Don’t cringe but tomorrow is a mystery while today is a gift and that’s why we call it the present!
As for your sleep, perhaps you can start with the below helpful habits:
- Expose yourself to bright sunlight in the mornings to tune your body’s circadian clock
- Regular exercise to tire yourself out
- Reduce late-night eating/avoid caffeine
- Put on relaxing scents/no gadgets before bedtime
- Adjust the room temperature/darken the room
- Tell yourself to postpone any worries by stating, “That’s all for tonight”
- Get out of bed if you still can’t sleep and do light activities (stretch, pet your pet)
Additionally, you can give this a try to help with falling asleep. Do know that you’re not alone in this and we’ll continue to support you, OK
Can try reading the most boring textbook you have