Ever since I was 11 years old and had top in class, my academic standards for myself is very high and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.
But when I reached secondary school and got ‘scolded’ by my first english tutor fr secondary school, I was just scared of being scolded/pressured by anyone. I would just panic, overthinking situations and recently I have been apologising for everything.
I am unsure if this is normal asian teenager stress but this is really affecting my self-esteem real bad. My confidence is at an all-time low and I always have second thoughts when I think i’m gonna mess up. I don’t dare to talk to my mummy about this part of my life. I’m worried she won’t have the time and won’t understand my struggle and think that i’m just overreacting my life.
Thank you for coming on and sharing about your struggles. I can see how this is affecting you - whether or not it’s normal asian teenager stress, the impact it has on you and your confidence are real and valid.
You mention about not wanting to disappoint people and this anxiety which was originally supposed to protect you (by preparing you in anticipation of difficult situations) has led you to avoid situations where you think you will be ‘targeted’. Given your previous experience in secondary school, I think that it makes sense that you’re reacting this way. This avoidance is further fueled by thoughts of what-if and we might doubt ourselves/abilities even more…
I can see how you’re reaching out for assistance and I want to commend your self-awareness on this matter! Have you tried speaking to someone about this? Perhaps a person you feel safe with and can trust - maybe your school counsellor? I get what you say about opening up to your mum, it would be very hard but I think that if you allow yourself to engage in open communication [consider using I statements: I think/feel … because… and I would prefer that (what you would like to happen)], that will encourage listening on her end and maybe discussing ways to support you.
At the same time, you can build tolerance towards distress by identifying triggers or signs that cause you to think/worry more than usual, feeling scared, and/or body reacting more than usual and then engaging in calming down strategies like deep breathing and checking if you’re thoughts are accurate and helpful (maybe things like “Is it 100% accurate?”, “Does the other person know what I need?", “Was I clear in saying what I needed?”). Also consider being more kind to yourself and engage in self-compassion.
Remember that you deserve and can get the support you need. Hope to hear from you soon, take care!
Thanks for sharing, @jane2. I can understand why you hesitate to talk to your mummy about this. Do you talk to her about other stuff besides school work? It’s normal if she can’t understand since your experience will probably be very different from how her schooling life was. But if she’s able to listen and offer some advice, maybe that’ll be helpful too.
I remember failing my first exam in secondary school. I was so scared of telling my parents because I’ve always done pretty well in primary school. Eventually I did tell them because I needed them to sign on my report book but they were pretty chill about it. So I guess it was okay??
Getting scolded for the first time definitely going to be hard but probably better to get scolded now than get scolded in future for something bigger? Idk
