Hello user1335,
Thanks for sharing you experience so openly. First of all, can I commend you for being so brave and having the courage to try something new! It sounds to me that you are not in your first year and decided to join the school band at a time when your peers may already have had a headstart in learning their instruments. I think your decision to join despite that shows your passion for learning and willingness to step outside your comfort zone. I’m really proud of you for that because that wasn’t and easy decision to make, and not everybody has the courage to do so.
I also had a similar experience that you have, where I joined a new sport in my first year of uni with the intention of trying something new. For context, I was in a individual sport for my entire life, started when I was 8, DSA-ed to sec school, and competed throughout my school life. So when I started uni, I thought I would like to try something different and joined a club for a team sport. At first I was really excited about it, I loved playing with my team, working hard to get better at it etc. But I also realised slowly that even though I had the physical capability to keep up with the practices, I lacked the mental strength to handle the stress when having to make quick decisions during the games. Many of them also started to go for extra practices over the weekends because they were just much more commited to the sport. When I realised that my team mates were improving but I was stuck and underperforming because of that stress, I felt really bad. Like you, I also felt guilty every time I made mistakes and that I was letting the team down. And because I really didn’t like the pressure that I felt at that point, I started skipping more and more trainings, and naturally the difference between my performance and my teammates’ grew bigger and bigger as the weeks go by.
Like you, I was at cross roads about whether I should quit or continue with this new sport. What eventually helped me make my decision was when I discovered during one training that I wasn’t enjoying myself at trainings anymore. Not because it was hard but because I was letting my guilt for making mistakes and the stress of performing up to expectations affect me so much that I was creating a vicious cycle of self doubt. When I remembered that my original intention for trying out a team sport was to enjoy the camaraderie that I never got to experience, I realised that this wasn’t what I signed up for.
Eventually I powered through to finish the competition for that year, but I also stopped going to practices and basically quit the club after that first year. Do I regret my decision? No, because I feel like everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, as well as their own priorities in life. We all only have 24 hours a day, no more no less. So what you choose to spend your time on is completely up to you, and you owe it to nobody but yourself to choose wisely. Of course, my decision is mine and mine alone, and I’m not encouraging your to do the same. I’ll like to encourage you instead to think about why you wanted to join the school band in the first place. What attracted you to it, and what did you hope to get out of it? Perhaps if you think from that perspective, you’ll have a clearer idea of how to move forward.
You also mentioned that you don’t feel like your friends are truly on your side. I’m sensing that you seem afraid about what your coach and your friends think of you if you were to quit. I know it may seem patronising, but people are always going to have their opinions about you, and what they think is not something within your control. What you can control, is, however, what you feel about yourself, and how you view the decisions you make. If you asked me if I regretted my decision to join that team sports club, I would say no, not one bit. I learnt a whole new skillset by going for the trainings that I attended, and gain new experiences, new perspective, that made me more mature as a person. If there’s one thing I regret not doing in uni, it was to try more things I was too afraid to try (dancing, singing, playing the drums etc.) Yes, maybe some people will label you a “quitter”, but their opinions are theirs. Your own feelings are valid regardless of what they think, and the time and effort you put in for the past few months at practice isn’t going to be wasted if you choose not to continue.
That being said, if you decide that you want to continue staying in the school band and struggle to go for extra practice, seeking support from you band members or coach could be helpful. I know you said you don’t have many friends in the band, but could you reach out to just one friend that you trust and ask them to be an accountability buddy? They can remind you gently that you said you wanted to put in efforts to improve yourself and you chose to learn a new instrument because XYZ. Maybe that can help you be more motivated to go for practice.
I hope reading this was helpful to you, and I wish you all the best regardless of your decision!!