What should I do

[Keri]

On April this year I wanted to join a school band so I joined with the help of my friends. There were extra practices after school but I thought it was okay. On the first few weeks I learned a new instrument but I’m not good at it yet. I was always excited to perform. But after practicing for a while I started to feel tired and always skipping extra practice giving excuses like I’m sick or im on a vacation. I feel really guilty but I just can’t help it
It’s September now and in two weeks there will be a big competition and my school band has been practicing for so long for this. All of them were serious. On the other hand, I was still bad at playing my instrument and I still does not know how to play the right note.
I get really embarrassed seeing that I’m practically a senior in school but a junior in school band and all of the people younger than me is better than me.
I barely have any friends in the band so it made me have even less motivation.

There was one time where my coach was asking me to play something but I didn’t know how. Everyone saw how I didn’t know how to play it so I get really embarrassed. I wanted to cry but I can’t. I feel really useless about it. So the next practice I skipped again. I feel really guilty but I just can’t help it

I really wanna improve but I just can’t. I always skipped extra practices. I skipped 9 times this year and it’s not even the end of the year yet. I feel really bad and I feel like I’m a burden to everyone. I sometimes wonder why did I even join the school band.

I had a great life before joining the school band. I really miss that life. Some of my school friends told me why did I even join the school band if I’m just gonna keep skipping it. To be honest, I don’t even know how to answer them. At first I just wanna learn something since all I did in my life was study. But now I really regretted joining. I wanna tell someone about it but none of them were truly on my side.

I wanna quit the school band but I just joined. I’m scared people will talk behind my back saying why did I even join if I’m just gonna quit on the same year. I’m scared the coach is gonna hate me for skipping then quitting. I’m really scared. I regret trying something new. I want my old life back. What should I do? Should I quit? Or should I stay strong until I graduate in 2 years?

[fifteendaffodils]

Hello user1335,

Thanks for sharing you experience so openly. First of all, can I commend you for being so brave and having the courage to try something new! It sounds to me that you are not in your first year and decided to join the school band at a time when your peers may already have had a headstart in learning their instruments. I think your decision to join despite that shows your passion for learning and willingness to step outside your comfort zone. I’m really proud of you for that because that wasn’t and easy decision to make, and not everybody has the courage to do so.

I also had a similar experience that you have, where I joined a new sport in my first year of uni with the intention of trying something new. For context, I was in a individual sport for my entire life, started when I was 8, DSA-ed to sec school, and competed throughout my school life. So when I started uni, I thought I would like to try something different and joined a club for a team sport. At first I was really excited about it, I loved playing with my team, working hard to get better at it etc. But I also realised slowly that even though I had the physical capability to keep up with the practices, I lacked the mental strength to handle the stress when having to make quick decisions during the games. Many of them also started to go for extra practices over the weekends because they were just much more commited to the sport. When I realised that my team mates were improving but I was stuck and underperforming because of that stress, I felt really bad. Like you, I also felt guilty every time I made mistakes and that I was letting the team down. And because I really didn’t like the pressure that I felt at that point, I started skipping more and more trainings, and naturally the difference between my performance and my teammates’ grew bigger and bigger as the weeks go by.

Like you, I was at cross roads about whether I should quit or continue with this new sport. What eventually helped me make my decision was when I discovered during one training that I wasn’t enjoying myself at trainings anymore. Not because it was hard but because I was letting my guilt for making mistakes and the stress of performing up to expectations affect me so much that I was creating a vicious cycle of self doubt. When I remembered that my original intention for trying out a team sport was to enjoy the camaraderie that I never got to experience, I realised that this wasn’t what I signed up for.

Eventually I powered through to finish the competition for that year, but I also stopped going to practices and basically quit the club after that first year. Do I regret my decision? No, because I feel like everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses, as well as their own priorities in life. We all only have 24 hours a day, no more no less. So what you choose to spend your time on is completely up to you, and you owe it to nobody but yourself to choose wisely. Of course, my decision is mine and mine alone, and I’m not encouraging your to do the same. I’ll like to encourage you instead to think about why you wanted to join the school band in the first place. What attracted you to it, and what did you hope to get out of it? Perhaps if you think from that perspective, you’ll have a clearer idea of how to move forward.

You also mentioned that you don’t feel like your friends are truly on your side. I’m sensing that you seem afraid about what your coach and your friends think of you if you were to quit. I know it may seem patronising, but people are always going to have their opinions about you, and what they think is not something within your control. What you can control, is, however, what you feel about yourself, and how you view the decisions you make. If you asked me if I regretted my decision to join that team sports club, I would say no, not one bit. I learnt a whole new skillset by going for the trainings that I attended, and gain new experiences, new perspective, that made me more mature as a person. If there’s one thing I regret not doing in uni, it was to try more things I was too afraid to try (dancing, singing, playing the drums etc.) Yes, maybe some people will label you a “quitter”, but their opinions are theirs. Your own feelings are valid regardless of what they think, and the time and effort you put in for the past few months at practice isn’t going to be wasted if you choose not to continue.

That being said, if you decide that you want to continue staying in the school band and struggle to go for extra practice, seeking support from you band members or coach could be helpful. I know you said you don’t have many friends in the band, but could you reach out to just one friend that you trust and ask them to be an accountability buddy? They can remind you gently that you said you wanted to put in efforts to improve yourself and you chose to learn a new instrument because XYZ. Maybe that can help you be more motivated to go for practice.

I hope reading this was helpful to you, and I wish you all the best regardless of your decision!!

[strawberrymilk]

helloo @Keri , from what you shared, you seem to be having a difficult time adjusting and keeping up with the practices, and you’re feeling conflicted about whether you should continue staying in the cca or not. but i just wanted to point out that you’re really brave for stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new! i know it’s difficult for you right now, but i really hope you can be kinder to yourself, because as you said, joining a band was something new in your life and something you’ve never done before, so its natural that you need some time to adjust to it. plus, it seems that you didn’t join the band in your first year, so its likely that your juniors have a head start in learning the instruments. and that’s not your fault at all! it doesn’t mean you’re bad at playing the instrument, you just need a lil more time to catch up with your peers.

whether or not you decide to quit, just remember that the amount of courage and effort you’ve put in to your cca so far is really commendable, because you’ve been really brave at trying something new and persisting on even though you were having doubts about your abilities. regardless of your decision, all the effort you’ve put into band will not be wasted, because at the end of the day, you got to experience something new

[Esmay]

It sounds like you’re really grappling with a lot of emotions right now, and it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed, especially when trying something new like joining the band. It’s okay to feel embarrassed or guilty about not meeting your own expectations, but it’s also important to remember that learning something new takes time and patience.

If you feel comfortable, consider talking to your coach about how you’re feeling. They might offer support or even tips on how to improve.

If you still feel that quitting is the best choice for you, that’s valid too. Your well-being is important, and it’s okay to step back from something that feels too stressful. Just remember that it’s about finding what truly makes you happy, not what others expect from you.

Ultimately, whether you decide to stay or leave the band, what matters is that you’re taking care of yourself. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s what feels right for you.

[potatooo]

Hello @keri ! Thank you for sharing your experience and how you’re feeling ! I see that you’re actually having a hard time and feelings of overwhelmed with your CCA/school. As someone who was in the arts CCA, I can totally resonated about feeling overwhelmed with the amount of practice we have (it’s really a big commitment).

Additionally, I am typically a slow learner and just like you, my juniors are better than me. Apart from that, I felt really stress because my instructor didn’t like me and occasionally nitpick and embarrass me infront of everyone that makes me really scared and nervous to go for CCA. Remember, everyone is at a different pace. Although you might be slower than others, doesn’t mean you will not be there (I was slow too) !

With regards to skipping practice, I was there too because I really hated the treatment I get, and it was very stressful too… it’s like an easy way out for us but really draining (mentally). Thinking back, I think I made the wrong decision to stay because it was so draining (physically and mentally). It’s acceptable to take a step back and reconsider what you truly desire. If stepping down makes you more comfortable, it is a reasonable option. Your mental health is vital, and you should not feel pushed to stay in a situation that is making you miserable. However, if you feel you would regret stepping down, it may be worthwhile to try it out a little longer and see how it goes.

You should be happy for what you’re doing. At the end of the day, whatever decision you make, be proud of yourself ! Take your time to think about it, perhaps, reflect after every practice .

Meanwhile, if you have any other problems or need to rant, feel free to drop them here