I dont know what to do

Hangouts Student Life
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well. welcome to my life. you’re in for a ride.

im 13. a new, fresh teen, only that in singapore, at ten you get tiktok and at 13 you must have dated have the world’s population. you’re obsessed with how you look and that one boy way out of your league. i screwed up PSLE. get blacklisted by my parents, ignored by my father for two months and threats are made to withdraw me from school. i landed up at a good school. the whole irony of this is that i did pretty ok. the school i was posted to is one of the best schools in singapore. im not feeling good. not proud of myself, the academic achiever, the pride of my family, ‘the gifted child’ gone. i enter the new school, acting all cool and confident, using it as a cover to hide all my flaws. i make friends. im happy, giddy with the fact that i’ve found my people, people i can relate to, make good memories. but still the doubts linger. ‘im not worthy of this.’ ‘what if they find me weird?’ ‘they’re gonna kick me out of the group’ it’s all true. 2 months into the school year, im left alone by ‘my people’ im devastated. It’s also not the first time. I’ve been bullied, but honestly i didn’t care back then. i had no friends, but i was happy and just didn’t give a ■■■■, got good grades, and made my family proud. i wish it would back to then. i’m underperforming and i just want to be like everyone else, all the dolled up, gorgeous, smart girls at my school. Girls who could probably do algebra and shoot a three-pointer at the same time. and they’re so incredibly light. They pull all-nighters and enjoy math. the teachers love them. they have friends, they have a life. One they can be proud of. And i just dont know what to ■■■■■■■ do. I’ve considered suicide. i am pretending to be the girl i want to be. i feel fake. i hate myself. im not pretty, have great clothes, love hanging out with my abundance of friends, don’t do well in school, am not the it girl, do not have all the kpop albums i want to have and flex, am not lighter than my 9yr old sister and don’t have anyone to tell this ■■■■. the only way i get through each day of my fucked-up life is by being delusional or putting in my earbuds.

someone kill me

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Dear @gnabnahc ,

Thank you for inviting us to glimpse into your life. I’m truly sorry to hear that you’re facing such challenges. :people_hugging: Being a teenager in Singapore can be extremely tough, especially with all the expectations and pressures.

Feeling like you’re pretending to fit in or meet expectations is something many people go through. It’s okay to feel unsure sometimes; these feelings don’t make you any less valuable. Our feelings are like signals telling us what we need more or less of. When we listen to them and treat ourselves with kindness, our feelings don’t have to shout so loud to get our attention.

Puberty brings a lot of changes to your body and mind. It’s normal to feel strong emotions and for things to seem overwhelming sometimes. Just know, it’s all part of growing up, and many others feel the same way. Remember, this phase will change—it won’t last forever.

Have you seen the movie “Inside Out 2”? It may help you understand your emotions, especially during puberty. The movie shows how emotions can be confusing, especially when things are changing around you.

I’m really sorry that your experience with PSLE was tough, and it must have been hurtful when your parents reacted that way. It’s challenging when those who are supposed to care for us don’t give us the support we need. Let me assure you that PSLE is just one part of life, and many successful people have faced similar challenges. You can read about some of them here.

Your self-esteem isn’t about how well you do in school or what others think of you. It’s about valuing yourself for who you are, no matter your grades or popularity. Instead of doing things just to impress others or fit in, do things that make you happy and help you grow. Take your time to learn new skills at your own pace. It’s all about what feels right for you.

Remember, you’re amazing just as you are. :star_struck: When you accept and love yourself, others find it easier to like you too. People are naturally drawn to those who feel confident, and we can all tell when someone is being genuine. It’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them; accepting yourself is a great first step. :grinning:

Our brain and body are connected in a way that when we feel stressed or worried, our thinking and learning abilities can slow down. It’s like our brain gets ready to react quickly, as if there’s a tiger nearby. This makes it harder to focus and learn effectively. On the other hand, when we’re calm and happy, our brain is more open to learning new things.

If you want to improve in school, sports, or making friends, it’s helpful to learn how to manage your emotions. This is an important skill that will help you throughout your life. Here are three techniques to try:

  1. Deep Breathing: Take slow, deep breaths to calm your mind and body.
  2. Mindfulness: Focus on the present moment without judging yourself or others.
  3. Physical Activity: Go for a walk, run, or do some exercise to release built-up tension and stress.

Practicing these techniques can help you feel more in control and ready to tackle challenges.

Feeling let down by friends can be really difficult, but it doesn’t mean you’re not valuable. Real friends appreciate you for who you are. Friendships take time to grow, and your friends might also be going through their own challenges during puberty. They might act like everything’s okay when it’s not.

Here are three things to think about to find good friendships:

  1. Respect: Make sure your friends respect your feelings, boundaries, and ideas, just like you respect theirs.
  2. Supportive: Good friends listen to you without judging, help you when times are hard, and celebrate your achievements.
  3. Consistency: Look for friends who are there for you regularly, not just when it suits them.

We want to build strong, supportive friendships that make us feel good about ourselves.

With so many things feeling not okay on the home front, school front, friends front, and body image front, hoping for things to be over can seem like an option. I’m sorry it’s so painful and uncomfortable. :people_hugging: You don’t have to go through this phase alone; reach out to a trusted adult like a teacher, school counsellor, or family member for support. They can suggest strategies that can help make things better one step at a time. Sometimes, an adult talking with your parents can help them learn new skills on how to better communicate and care for you emotionally too.

It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling and okay to ask for help. You are not a failure; you are navigating a difficult time in life. Here are some strengths I notice about you from what you’ve shared:

  1. Knowing Yourself: You understand your thoughts, feelings, and challenges really well, even at a young age.

  2. Bravery: Despite facing tough situations like pressure from your parents and bullying, you keep going and trying your best.

  3. Courage: You’re brave enough to talk about your feelings and experiences openly.

  4. Adaptability: Moving to a new school and trying to fit in shows that you’re flexible and willing to adjust.

  5. Creativity: The way you express yourself shows creativity and imagination.

  6. Understanding Others: You can see how others might feel, like when they’re left out or bullied.

  7. Being Honest: You’re not afraid to talk about your worries and struggles, which is really brave.

  8. Smart Thinking: Even though you feel like you’re not doing well now, you’ve done well academically before, which shows how smart you are.

  9. Hope: Even when things are tough, you still hope that things will get better.

  10. Keep Going: You face each day with determination, finding ways like listening to music to help you through.

These strengths show that you’re strong and have a lot of potential to grow. I hope you’ll
join me in taking a moment to be proud of yourself :clap:t4: :clap:t4:

I hope the above has been helpful and if you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you, your feelings are valid and you matter! :grinning:

Take care,
Cool Breeze =)

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hihi thanks for the reply!! yes i have seen inside out two and it’s kinda relatable. i decided that im gonna concentrate on my grades first because i really need to step up :pensive: either way, thanks for the advice!! will try to implement it in my life. as for talking to someone, i feel like i would just act fake :sob: but it’s okk, i think i can handle it :revolving_hearts:

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Heyy @gnabnahc, thanks for sharing so vulnerably. I think the transition from primary school to secondary school is probably one of the hardest transitions in life. I get the desire to want to fit in and be the cool kids but it’s probably not worth your mental health to be someone you’re not. Keep going girl, the good news is that you have a few more years to shape how you want your secondary school life to be. Don’t give up :raised_hands::raised_hands:

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You’re most welcome @gnabnahc :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

I’m glad you found “Inside Out 2” relatable. Focusing on your grades is one strategy, but remember to take care of your emotional health too. Your emotional wellbeing can impact your academics too.

I’m glad you are willing to consider the advices mentioned above, it’s a good start. I’m sorry to hear that faking it feels easier and familiar to you than to share authentically. It’s okay, whenever you are ready and you feel the opportunity has presented itself you can share a little bit, it doesn’t need to be a big, formal conversation.

You’ve got this! and on days where you haven’t got it, that too is okay just reach out for support. All the best! :star2::sparkling_heart:

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awww thank you!! i honestly should have come on here earlier, it feels really good to get it all out :slight_smile: this post is actually the most real i have ever been to myself or anyone :smiling_face_with_tear: but yesss ill keep going thanks for the kind words <3

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thanks <3 let’s hope that i will learn how to be more authentic haha xd