I have been coping with anxiety overthinking and depress for more than 7years. I caught my husband cheating on 2017. And i caught him again recently. I did file for divorce but he refuse. I keep crying whenever im alone. My mind is like im having brain fog. I have suicidal tots at times. The reason i cant move on cause he hide it from me for years. I saw all the pictures of the things he bought for her… food and how frequent they met. I found everything on his google account. Locations and photos. I cannot look at my kids cause i dont want them to know im stress. I tried talking to my husband all he did was apologize but how do i move from here. How can i move on? I tried to keep myself busy but the things keep appearing on my mind. I cant sleep well. At times i dont sleep at all. Do i need to seek help?
he will do it again anyways. u need to get out of there
It seems like there is alot of things weighing down in your mind now @Yambob 
Perhaps take a step back to recalibrate yourself first and maybe seeking help from a professional to help guide you thru your emotions and help you come to a solution on your own.
I think its also important to remember to be there for your kids and also that your kids are there for you too! Ultimately you need to take care of yourself first and take things one at a time 
Its not easy but you can do it! We are here to listen too
He dont want to divorce. And my eldest son also beg me not to. 
Thank u… Im trying… i guz it will take a very long time to heal…
Hi @Yambob,
It sounds like you’ve been carrying an enormous amount of pain for a long time, and I can only imagine how hard it must be to cope with everything, especially while trying to stay strong for your kids. What you’re feeling is completely valid—being betrayed by someone you trusted deeply is incredibly painful, and it’s no wonder your mind is overwhelmed by all the emotions right now.
It’s important to acknowledge that the anxiety, overthinking, and depression you’ve been experiencing for these seven years are likely being fueled by this repeated betrayal, and it’s completely understandable that you’re struggling to move on, especially after discovering that this wasn’t just a one-time incident. The feelings of brain fog and inability to sleep are common when our minds are overloaded with pain and uncertainty, but they’re also signs that your emotional health is in need of some support right now.
The fact that you’ve had suicidal thoughts shows just how heavy this has become, and I want you to know that you deserve help. You’ve been dealing with so much on your own, and it’s time to have someone in your corner who can guide you through this. You absolutely don’t have to carry this burden alone, and reaching out for help doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re choosing to take care of yourself and find a way forward, not just for your kids but for you, too.
Right now, it’s important to take things one step at a time. Talking to a therapist or counselor could be a safe and supportive way to help you process what’s been happening, without the pressure of holding it all inside. They can give you tools to manage the anxiety and overthinking, and they can also help you work through the betrayal in a way that feels more manageable. Therapy can also provide you with strategies to communicate with your husband and figure out what steps you want to take next, whether that’s healing together or moving toward separation. Whilst you are seeking a professional to assist you, I also want to encourage you to reach out to a trusted friend or family member if you haven’t already. Sometimes, sharing what’s been going on with someone outside the situation can help ease the weight of everything you’re carrying.
I can see how much you’re trying to shield your kids from the pain and stress you’re experiencing, and that shows just how deeply you care for them. As a mother, you’re doing what you feel is right, but I want to assure you that while it’s important to protect them, it’s also crucial to prioritize both their safety and your own. Children are incredibly perceptive, and they may already sense that something is wrong, even if you’re doing everything you can to hide it. When kids pick up on tension but don’t fully understand what’s happening, it can lead to confusion, anxiety, or even feelings of responsibility for what’s going on.
It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re going through a hard time, and it’s okay to show your kids that feeling upset or stressed doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re human. You don’t have to tell them all the details, but letting them know that you’re working through things and seeking help can actually create a sense of emotional safety for them. It teaches them that it’s normal to have big feelings and that there are healthy ways to handle them, which is a powerful lesson in resilience.
I know you’ve been trying to carry this burden on your own to protect your children, but part of protecting them also means taking care of yourself. Your well-being is tied to theirs, and when you seek help to heal, you’re not only helping yourself—you’re also creating a safer, more stable emotional environment for them. The stress and trauma you’re going through right now can have long-term effects on your mental health and theirs, so by taking steps to heal, you’re reducing the risk of these impacts on their emotional development.
It’s essential to create a space where both you and your children feel emotionally safe. This might also include mean speaking to a therapist who can guide you on how to communicate with your children in an age-appropriate way, helping them feel secure without overwhelming them with details. Having that professional support can also help you navigate any questions or concerns your children may have, ensuring that their emotional well-being is cared for in a way that’s sensitive to their needs.
Here are some numbers for your consideration:
- Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH) - 1800-283 7019
- Care Corner Counselling Centre - 1800-353 5800
It’s important to focus on what feels manageable for you right now. You’ve mentioned that keeping busy sometimes helps, so lean into activities or routines that provide structure and a sense of control. If there are moments when you feel a little more in control or have a small win—whether that’s making it through the day without crying or spending quality time with your kids—acknowledge those victories. It’s important to anchor yourself in what’s helping, no matter how small, and use that as a foundation to take the next step.
Remember that it’s okay to not have all the answers right now, but what’s most important is your safety and your children’s safety, both physically and emotionally. By seeking help, you’re ensuring that you have the support needed to navigate this situation in a way that protects both you and your children.
Take it one step at a time, Yambob. You’re already doing an incredible job by reaching out and recognizing that you need support, and that’s a powerful first step toward healing for both you and your kids.So yes, seeking help is the next step, and it’s a strong, brave decision. You’ve been through so much, and you don’t need to face it alone. There are professionals out there who can walk with you through this, and together, you can start finding ways to heal.
Take care of yourself, Yambob. You’re worth the support and care that you need right now.
Then he will continue to cheat on u. U want that?
Oh God this reply make me cry in tears… Thank you for the kind words… I really appreciate it. There are always a lot of opinions from others… Leave or Stay …
I talked to my closest friend but not my family. Coz my family will straight away ask me to leave. They Dont think twice. And being in a broken family, since 2yrs old, trauma hits me badly, i wouldnt want my kids to face what i faces. Its not easy… i will try the helpline u gave me. I will give it a try just to heal myself to help myself and the kids.
No one wants that to happen… I guess its time for him to think not me.
Thanks for sharing your story, @Yambob. It’s important to do what’s best for yourself (and probably what’s manageable as well). I think most of us are very quick to judge and give opinions. I really like what @FuYuan_Affections said about giving yourself space to do 1 thing at a time.
As I read through your post, it really sounds like you’re dealing with a lot right now. Take 1 step at a time and decide if this marriage is ultimately worth saving. I grew up in a broken family as well so I understand the trauma that you mentioned and I will never want my kids to face the same thing.
Besides the cheating, is your husband a good husband or father? Sometimes people stay in a loveless marriage because the other party still does some stuff but ultimately you have to decide if this marriage is worth saving.
We’re here to listen, let us know how it goes!
Hi… During the cheating period he is like normal…how he use to be… he still bring us out, go family event, gathering… He will bring meet along when meet his friends. The reason he come up with when i confronted him, he said “Just for FUN. THRILL” But put aside all thay, the trauma that hits me is im as a homemaker handling everything at home,cook, take care of kids etc and to see him buy food, chocolates and gifts for tat girl. Kinda pissed me off. Im struggling all alone at home and there he was spending his money and time for the girl. I felt so unfair… I tried to not overthink but its just so painful. To see him care about the girl more than me or the kids.