My husband and I is a newly wed couple. I have tried talking and taking care of my husband when he was diagnose with paranoia issue but his family do not listen or understand that my husband and I was dealing with a lot of mental stress. And constantly shade us or bully us in front of the public for attention. Then they also dash in front of pur doorstep just to degrade us or ask for money. It is causing me to shiver and lack of stability or control over my physical health. As i am afraid to see his family or talk to them because of their demeanor attitude. Then my husband will put all the blames to me and wants me to get lost or out of his sight. I am always in a lost situation as i tried to hide myself constantly because i see no light in this relationship. Can someone please advise me what i should do or react because I am out of ways or know how to conversate to my husband and his family. Being next to them, makes me feel that even breathing is a sin.
Hey @user1828,
I hear that you are going through an incredibly difficult and painful situation right now. It’s clear that you’ve been doing everything in your power to care for your husband, and yet you’re not receiving the support and respect you deserve, not from your husband or his family. You are caught in an overwhelming situation, and I want to acknowledge the emotional toll this is taking on you. It’s okay to feel like this is too much — it is too much, and you don’t have to carry all of this on your own.
I sense the fear and anxiety you’re carrying, and it must feel like your world is becoming smaller and smaller with each passing day. Your desire to protect yourself by hiding and withdrawing is understandable — it’s a coping mechanism when you’re faced with psychological abuse and neglect.
Here’s how I want you to start:
- Your safety is priority number one: If you ever feel physically unsafe or threatened, please reach out to trusted professionals immediately. It may feel like you’re stuck, but you have options for protection and support.
- Boundaries are essential: The way you’re being treated — especially being blamed, humiliated, and disregarded — is not acceptable. If you can, try to assert your boundaries with your husband and his family. You don’t have to go through this silently. Even if it’s just a small step like saying, “I can’t talk right now” or “Please don’t speak to me that way,” start with those small moments where you take back some control over your own space.
- You deserve support: You should not have to carry this burden alone. If your family isn’t supportive, it’s okay to lean on professional help. Consider talking to a therapist or counsellor who can help you navigate this emotional turmoil. They can also guide you on how to protect yourself from emotional manipulation and give you the tools to rebuild your self-esteem.
- Your mental health is just as important as your physical health: It’s clear that the emotional strain is affecting your body, and that’s a signal from your body that you need to take care of yourself. You deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, and care — and it’s okay to seek that from others who can offer it.
- Be kind to yourself: I know it’s hard, but try to take small steps in caring for yourself. Even if it’s a moment of peace or doing something that brings you even the slightest bit of comfort, hold on to those moments as you build strength.
You are worthy of love, respect, and peace in your life. Your efforts in trying to be there for your husband, even at the cost of your own well-being, show the depth of your heart. But now, it’s time to turn that care inward and find the support and respect you deserve.
This is a tough situation, but you are not alone in this. You do not have to keep suffering in silence. There are people who can and will help you navigate this. Taking care of your emotional and physical well-being is not selfish — it’s necessary. Let’s work together to find a way forward, one step at a time. You have so much strength within you, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. You can get through this, and you deserve a life where you feel valued, heard, and safe.
Here are some calling options for your consideration:
- Singapore Family Service Centres (FSCs): Your nearest FSCs provide counselling, support, and advice for individuals facing family issues, including abuse and intimidation. They offer a safe space for those in need of assistance and can guide you through the process of seeking protection and support.
- The National Family Violence Networking System (NFVNS): The NFVNS is a collaborative network that helps victims of family violence. They provide a range of services such as counselling, safety planning, and legal advice.
- AWARE (Association of Women for Action and Research): AWARE is a women’s rights organisation in Singapore that offers support services for victims of family violence, including counselling, legal advice, and assistance with navigating the justice system.
- Victims of Crime (VOC) Assistance: If you are a victim of a crime, such as abuse or intimidation, you can seek help from the VOC Assistance Unit, which provides support services including counselling and financial aid.
You deserve to be treated with respect, and you deserve to feel safe, loved, and valued in your relationship. Do you feel that you are ready to seek help from a counsellor?
It sounds like setting boundaries is something that could really help you protect your emotional health, but it’s also important to start with taking care of yourself.
We are here to support you in any steps you feel ready to take, whether it’s finding ways to communicate with your husband and his family or learning new strategies to cope with the overwhelming feelings you’re experiencing. Whatever path we take together, I want you to know that your emotions are valid, and your needs matter.
Remember, you are not alone in this — even though it may feel that way, there are ways to regain your sense of self-worth and feel more in control of your own life again. Do let us know your thoughts and progress, your safety is important to us.