We are married for 10 years and we always have communication problems. My husband does not talk about emotions and he thus avoid talking about my emotions too. I don’t feel the emotional support I need although we have gone through couple therapy before. He knows this is a problem but there is no change or improvement. I’m sick of being the initiator and I have been thinking about divorce. We have a child and I’m afraid that this will affect our child’s wellbeing. I feel that he hasn’t made any effort in communicating but he thinks he has done everything he could. I don’t feel any closeness to him anymore and I’m not physically attracted to him. I think I’m not in love with him and I don’t know what to do anymore. Please help me and your advice is appreciated.
Hi @Teepi,
Thank you for trusting us with your feelings. It’s clear that you’ve been carrying a heavy emotional load, and I want to acknowledge the pain and frustration you’re experiencing. It’s not easy to feel unheard and unsupported, especially after investing so much in your relationship.
Your feelings of exhaustion are completely valid. You’ve been the one initiating the difficult conversations and trying to keep the emotional connection alive for a long time. It’s understandable to feel drained when it seems like those efforts aren’t reciprocated. But the fact that you’ve kept going for 10 years shows incredible resilience and commitment.
It’s important to reflect on what has kept you going in this relationship. What was it that made you continue to invest in it, even when it was hard? Understanding this might help you gain clarity about where you stand now and what you need moving forward.
You mentioned that your husband knows there’s a problem but hasn’t made any real changes. This can be incredibly frustrating. It might be helpful to consider whether he feels stuck or unsure of how to address the issues, even if he’s aware of them. Sometimes, knowing there’s a problem and knowing how to solve it are two very different things.
You also expressed feeling tired of being the initiator. It’s worth exploring whether this pattern has been present throughout your relationship, and how it might have contributed to the current situation. It’s okay to question whether this is something you can continue to do or if it’s time to shift your focus to your own needs and well-being.
It’s natural to feel uncertain about the future of your relationship, especially when you’re not feeling the emotional connection that you need. I encourage you to take the time to reflect on what this relationship means to you now. Has the meaning changed, or do you feel it’s been lost? This might help you decide whether there’s still something worth fighting for or if it’s time to consider other options.
Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers right now. It’s okay to take things one step at a time and to prioritize your own emotional health. Whether you decide to seek more support, have more conversations, or take a break, what matters most is that you’re taking care of yourself.
Please continue to share your thoughts if you feel comfortable. We’re here to support you, and you don’t have to go through this alone.
Take care of yourself, and know that you deserve to feel valued and loved in your relationship.
my suggestion is to focus on yourself.
divorce isn’t the solution.
make yourself a better person - look after yourself physically and mentally.
give your child two persons’ worth of love.
your life will change for the better.
Have u walked in his shoes? Man don’t get praises at all in our life. And there’s u thinking you need emotional closure. Why not think it as ur husband needs to be praised and ask how’s he doing on a daily basis. Women has it easy.
I have similar experience as you.
We are just roommates in the same house.
We do things for our kid, giving her an intact family. But I don’t want this kind of marriage.
Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off single.
Hello @Teepi 
! Thank you for taking the courage to share your experience or thoughts here!
As you attempt to mend the rift in your relationship and worry for your child’s welfare, it seems like you’ve been carrying a lot of emotional weight. It’s draining to feel like you’re the one making changes all the time and your spouse doesn’t listen to you or doesn’t change anything.
When you’ve put a lot of effort into couple therapy and yet feel stuck, the emotional distance you’re feeling may be quite lonely. Feeling uneasy about wanting a greater relationship but not knowing whether it’s still feasible is natural. Please keep in mind that your desires for love and intimacy are real and that they are not excessive or irrational.
Your strength as a parent is shown by the obvious concern you have for your child’s pleasure. Whichever route you decide on, keep in mind that your kid will always thrive in a family where mental health and calm prevail over stress and alienation.
In your relationship, you have the right to feel appreciated, loved, and supported. Whatever choice you select, go cautiously and give yourself compassion and tolerance while you get through this trying moment. You’re not the only one who feels this way, and it’s OK to ask for help when you need it or to rely on those you trust. Warmth and strength are being sent your way.
Hi, thanks for sjaring your thoughts. I am going tjrough similar situation. 8th year of marriage, everything was OK until my parents in law died and elder brother of my husband hijacked our life. He got married have two kids all his household expenses borne by my husband. I didn’t object it as i supported my parents too. Infact encouraged him to support him. However after 4 years of his support i came to know that he had been misusing funds, and today our home is on sale because my husband took out many loans from banks. Not only his brother but my husband also made one bad investment but major and first part of his salary goes to his brother. I suffered his silent treatments, shut down phases not knowing what’s going on unless I begged him to tell me. Now this home is on sale he tells me he got his lesson but it’s only words. I don’t see any change as still the biggest chunk of his salary goes to his brother and his family. In eight years I havnt been given any pocket money and I didn’t demand as well. I have read a lot of advice saying in such situations work on yourself and ignore them or you take care of your mental and physical health. I have tried doing this too many times sometimes I am successful sometimes I am not. Question is how to keep ignoring this harsh treatment by so called partner and focus on self when you are living together in same place and sooner or later it hits you and all your progress goes down the drain because you are love bombed. One moment they like you for your support and listening to them and next moment they treat you like you dont exist. Why this treatment is not given to brother? As a wife I end up alone without any support.