Just wanna share my story. Wondering if it’s normal to be in this situation or I’m just the abnormal person here.
I’m in my 8th year of marriage, and have a 6 year old daughter.
When she turned 4, I wanted a 2nd kid. Husband didn’t want. We argued and fought many times over this. All the fighting caused a rift between us.
In hindsight, we have become distant ever since we have a kid. Our lives revolve around our kid, we no longer had couple time. I’m slowly losing my emotional connection to my husband.
In 2021, I met a guy named W at work. He was new and I was sort of his mentor. We texted a lot on WhatsApp over work. Over time, I realised that he’s a very generous, humorous and kind man. We clicked well and grew closer. He’s so easy to talk to, I ended up confiding in him my personal problems, including my marital problems. But we have never crossed any boundaries.
Sometimes I wonder how would life be like if my husband can have some of W’s qualities.
With W, I feel emotionally connected because he listens to me without judgement.
When I talk to my husband, I feel judged, belittled and frustrated.
At this point in time, I have lost emotional connection to my husband. I feel extremely alone in this marriage.
I know this is unhealthy but I’m not even trying to rebuild things with him anymore.
Feels like I gave up.
This isn’t the marriage I want.
Dear @Honeystarz,
Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you’re going through a really tough and confusing time, and it’s completely normal to feel the way you do. Relationships, especially long-term ones, can be incredibly complex and challenging.
It’s understandable that the desire for a second child and the disagreements with your husband have created a rift between you two. It’s also natural for couples to sometimes lose their connection when their lives become centered around their children. The lack of couple time can definitely strain a relationship.
Meeting someone like W, who listens and understands you, can highlight the emotional gap you feel in your marriage. It’s important to recognize that feeling emotionally connected to someone who listens without judgment is a basic human need. It doesn’t make you abnormal; it makes you human.
Feeling alone in your marriage and losing the emotional connection with your husband is a painful experience. It’s okay to acknowledge that you’re struggling and that things aren’t how you want them to be. It might be helpful to consider seeking support, whether through counseling or talking to a trusted friend or family member, to navigate these feelings and explore your options.
Remember, you’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s okay to seek help and take steps towards finding the happiness and connection you deserve. If you ever need to talk more about this, I’m here to listen.
hey @Honeystarz, thanks for sharing your story!
you asked if its normal, im not sure if it is or not, but i have heard about such marital situations very often among my friend nowadays 
it takes a lot of consistent effort and hard work to build a relationship even 8 years into any kind of relationships, especially when you dont feel close to the person anymore… do you recall what are the qualities you love about your husband at the beginning of your relationship even before marriage? are there couple-ly things you two used to do that still interests you?
on the note of working on the r/s, it also take 2 hands to clap, does your husband share similar sentiments about your r/s as you? maybe finding a nice moment to have a heart-felt conversation about all these concerns may help?
i hope you find a way forward from your current situation, if there is love between you and husband, any form of love, i have faith it will work out 
Thanks for all your input.
All the fighting and arguing has already caused a lot of hurt.
We cannot seem to communicate without misinterpreting each other. I reflected a lot about our relationship and realised that perhaps we are just misfit for each other. We can’t seem to love each other the way we want to be loved.
My love language is words of affirmation. I’ve told him this many times but he kept telling me words are cheap. Why should he be doing things that he find meaningless.
He cannot bring himself to give me WOA. He says he will show it through actions. But that’s not the way I want to be loved.
We don’t do couple dates, don’t celebrate anniversaries. I actually cannot remember the date we got married. We dont buy each other gifts.
I feel unseen and unvalued.
We spoke about this disconnection before and ended up arguing and hurting each other more.
We tried to go for marital counselling but didn’t last.
Even our parents know our problems, but parent’s involvement isn’t useful.
So now, we are just… roommates in the same house, not same room because my daughter sleeps with me.
We don’t talk about our issues now, we are just avoiding.
Hello @Honeystarz 
! Thank you for taking the courage to share your story here.
Your feelings are understandable; many others go through comparable challenges. You have obviously made great investments in your marriage, yet it is also reasonable that you might feel invisible and distant.
The following guidance could be of use:
-
Know your needs. Youremotions about emotional connection and love languages are legitimate. Wanting to be loved in a manner that speaks to you is natural.
-
Think about if you really want to mend the marriage or whether it seems as if it is running its course. Imagine what in the future would make you most happy.
-
If you want to try again, concentrate on reciprocal effort—gentle communication, counselling (maybe from a new counsellor), and couple time reintroduced. Rebuilding, however, only becomes feasible if both spouses are ready.
Emphasise your well-being whether or not you remain. Clearance and strength may come from therapy, self-care, and encouraging relationships.
- If you have really tried and believe the marriage cannot be salvaged, it is reasonable to let go. Whether or whether you are in a marriage, a happy, healthy parent will help your daughter down road.
Feel free to drop your rant or feelings here anytime ! 
:(((( i am so sorry that youre going through all these really, i can feel how much youve tried to do in pulling the distance between you and your spouse closer… sometimes its hard to do so when maybe either of you are not feeling like themselves entirely. maybe your spouse is struggling with something within himself too. while it is no excuse, it can be a very genuine reason why he isnt able to be there for you in ways you like.
then the next thing i always feel is dependable on for love, is yourself!! from all that you shared, while your spouse isnt able to show you love the way you prefer, he is still showing you love in his own ways yeah~ and that in itself, when you have faith in yourself and in him, you will be able to believe he is still loving you even if you cant seem to feel it. soooo can consider focusing all that love on yourself, making sure you feel valued and seen by yourself, showing up for yourself, taking care of yourself, giving yourself WOA because maybe in life, we are all our own best lovers <3 and there is strength in being able to do so!!! slowly slowly maybe you will realise, you dont need your spouse to be a certain way or love you in a certain way and you will still be able to appreciate his presence in your life in the unique way he is.
it takes 2 hands to clap, if your spouse isnt able to for some reason right now, you can clap for yourself!!! i fully fully and genuinely believe self-love is the most fundamental love we all need :)))
hope you’ll step into 2025 full of love 
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