Going through potential divorce

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

Hello.

Been a whirlwind since the start of 2024. My wife says she lost feelings for me. And later admitted that she has been talking to another guy. They are not involved physically and it’s purely one-sided on her end. I have been trying to “win” her back but has not made any progress. She is fixated on separation / divorce. She is not willing to work things through with me. We have a kid who is turning 2 soon.

Just last night I have decided to let go after doing everything that I could. I am now mentally preparing myself for the separation / divorce even though I am unwilling.

It’s been awhile since I experienced happiness. I am no longer motivated in anything I do, be it my job or my hobbies.

I don’t think I’m suicidal, but I don’t feel like there is much meaning in life.

How do I know if I am depressed? What are the signs? And how can I seek help to improve my mood?

2

Hi @user5557

I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through. It must be heartbreaking to hear your partner saying that she has lost feelings for you after all that you both have been through. And it must have taken a lot of strength and courage for you to make the decision to let go.

At this moment, it must be overwhelming for you as you go through a range of emotions. Going through a loss in relationship is not easy and it takes time to process. I hope you allow yourself to process your emotions and be compassionate with yourself during this period. It is okay to take a step at a time or even take a break from work to attend to your needs.

If you are concerned about going into depression, here are some signs and symptoms you need to take note of:

Persistent Sadness : Feeling overwhelmingly sad for an extended period.

Loss of Interest : Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed.

Fatigue : Experiencing a lack of energy and feeling tired most of the time.

Sleep Disturbances : Changes in sleep patterns, including insomnia or excessive sleep.

Appetite Changes : Significant weight loss or gain due to changes in appetite.

Difficulty Concentrating : Struggling to focus or make decisions.

Feelings of Guilt or Worthlessness : An overwhelming sense of self-blame or inadequacy.

Physical Ailments : Unexplained physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches.

Social Withdrawal : Isolating from friends, family, and social activities.

Thoughts of Self-Harm : Any mention or thoughts of self-harm or suicide must be taken seriously.

It would be helpful to surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can offer a listening ear and emotional support. If you are open to seeing a professional, here are some options you can consider:

Community options:

Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH) - 1800-283 7019

IMH CHAT: (webCHAT - CHAT)

Care Corner Counselling Centre - 1800-353 5800

You may also consider finding ways to keep yourself occupied as it can be helpful in your coping and heling journey. Here are some options to consider:

  • Connecting with family/peers for emotional support
  • Engaging in hobbies. To do what you enjoy doing, or things that can help you relax and feel calm.
  • Exercising might be helpful in improving your mood and help you rest better
  • Practice self-care. To continue having proper meals and being well-rested.
  • Planning for activities to keep you motivated and having something to look forward to

I hope this is helpful and that you are able to find the support you need. It takes time for the physical and emotional adjustment. Be kind to yourself.

Keep us updated on how you are coping, we would really like to continue to support you here on this platform. Do take care.

3

Can i ask how do you cope with grief? Im in a similar situation which involves betrayal too and the grief has been consuming me

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Hi @User0

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this as well. Dealing with betrayal and loss is never easy, it is very painful and takes time to process. Do be patient and kind to yourself as you work this through.

Perhaps you can identify your feelings as you are processing your grief. Grief process comes in different stages, here is a quick summary and you may read up more on your own too.

  1. Denial – usually the initial stage of grief. Where one experiences shock and disbelief. Sometimes denial is the way people cope as it can be difficult to accept what happened due to overwhelming emotions. Take time to reflect on this and ask questions for clarity.

  2. Anger – this is when the reality sets in and one might feel anger and resentment towards the other party for hurting them. They could be consumed by the anger which creates intrusive thoughts to direct the anger to themselves, others or to the ones who hurt them. This is a natural process as they are hurt, thus such intense emotions come up. Sometimes, people feel bad for being angry. But do remember that it is okay to feel angry and to acknowledge this as part of the grief process and slowly work through it.

  3. Bargaining – sometimes when the reality hits too hard, people start thinking about what they can do to improve the situation. Like whether they can salvage or try to negotiate with the loss. It can be helpful to weigh what is realistic or not, and explore what else can be done within their control.

  4. Depression – this is when feelings of sadness or hopelessness set in and people might withdraw themselves from their usual routine or distance themselves from others. Do seek support from close friends or family members during this period. While it is difficult, try to establish a routine and get out of the house more. Engage in activities that is brings release of tension (exercising) or brings positive feelings (hobbies, activities that one enjoys).

  5. Acceptance – when people slowly accept the fact that things cannot be changed and that they have to move on. This would be a time when they find ways to seek closure.

Know that this process is not linear and people may bounce back and forth; different people take different amounts of time to process this. It is important to seek connection and emotion support during such challenging times to navigate the process easier.

Take care of yourself. I understand it is hard because of the overwhelming and intense feelings but know that grieving can take a toll on your mental and physical state. So, it is most important that you pay attention to your needs at this point. Eat and rest well, try to find activities to engage yourself with or make plans with people.

I hope you get to work around this and do remember to seek support when you need!

Please take care.