I am involved with a married man. Do not judge me please. We are in love and his marriage is already on the rocks. Divorce is on the cards when his wife found out about us. She called my phone, scream and hurled insults at me. I deserve it. Me and my bf communicate discreetly after that for abt 1 mth, before he says he have to disappear for a while, during the divorce proceedings. I was distraught during this no contact period. I almost go crazy, I have no mood for anything. I am acting on blind faith. Cried everyday. Two months later, he appreared back saying everything is going on as planned. We manage to meet once, a quick meet as wife is still keeping tabs on him despite divorce is happening. We kept in touch for 4 days before he disappeared. This time without warning. I stalked his wife’s facebook account (she create a new one while we are on no contact) and got hints that a fight is going on. Their shared FB acc disappear. Then she deleted all photos and pictures in her FB and finally deactivate/terminate it. Probably all this is not important bt what is, is that it has been two weeks he didnt text me and I am worried, depressed, sad, anxious.
I feel like I cant do anything and I tried keeping busy but…I felt like I am making progress bt then I go backwards two steps. I prayed so hard when he disappeared for 2 mths and I havent stop praying and talking to God since. I could not text/contact him coz as previous, I do not want his wife to throw evidence to court that we are still communicating. Promises has been made and I agree to be patient.
Just that my feelings and anxiousness is affecting me and this is so so hard. Tried to keep busy, clean my storeroom, clean my wardrobe, I guess I can clean every room in the house to keep busy. This “no contact” is driving me crazy. I know he will message me when he can and when the coast is clear, but I dont know when - and this uncertainty is causing me to have a million things in my head. Overthinking all the time.
Help. I have my anxiety meds bt not taking them…I try not to. I took the otc stress meds instead.
First of all, I want to commend you for your courage in sharing your feelings and thoughts here on this platform. Being authentic is such a vulnerable thing to do, and it takes a lot of bravery too. I hear you, and I want you to know that I’m here to support you without judgment. It seems that you’re going through a very stressful, anxious and emotionally intense situation. I understand that you’ve been trying to distract yourself from the anxious feelings and that the lack of communication from your partner is causing a lot of tension emotionally.
Sometimes, when we are in situations where we have a lack of control or we have no clarity/certainty about an outcome, we might experience strong feelings of anxiety – this is a very normal emotional response, so what you’re feeling is very valid and real. Although we can’t change anything beyond our control, we actually do have the power to change some things within our control.
Here are some things that are within your control that you can help yourself with:
Focus on self-care : Help yourself to stay grounded by practicing mindfulness techniques. When you stay in the present moment, you can reduce anxious feelings and calm racing thoughts. One thing you can try is deep breathing exercises, especially when you feel overwhelmed. Try to take a few moments to focus on your breath - Deep, slow breaths can help regulate your emotions and reduce anxiety. You can try this activity for more practice: Mental Support & Wellbeing Resources in Singapore to Improve Your Mental Health | mindline.sg
Establish a Support System:
a. Try to reach out to your friends, family. You don’t have to go through this situation alone. You can confide in someone you trust who can provide emotional support and a listening ear.
b. Consider Therapy: A therapist can provide you with a safe and confidential space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies. Therapy can be immensely beneficial during times of emotional turmoil. You can also try these chat options if you prefer:
i. Limitless : Talk To Someone - Limitless
ii. CPH chat : https://www.cphonlinecounselling.sg/hc/en-us
iii. IMH CHAT : Home - CHAT
iv. ec2.sg : https://fycs.org/ec2-sg
Accept Uncertainty: It’s understandable that you want to know when he will contact you, but it’s important for you to accept that you may not have control over the timing. Even though you can’t control WHEN he will contact you again, remember that you can control what you can control, which is your own well-being. You can also try to declutter your mind through this simple activity: https://mindline.sg/youth/?wysa_tool_id=declutter_mind
Reevaluate Medication: I think it’s important for you to discuss with your doctor about the medications and not to rely too much on OTC medication for the timebeing. If you’ve been prescribed anxiety medication, taking it as directed might be beneficial during this challenging period. It would be best for you to consult your healthcare provider to determine the best course of action.
Last but not least, you are not alone. I want to affirm you that it’s entirely normal to feel anxious and overwhelmed. Be patient with yourself, practice self-compassion, and take one step at a time toward healing and emotional well-being.
Do let us know if you need any other resources to help you tide through this period of uncertainty, and keep us updated! We’ll be happy to hear you out.