Feeling let down and letting down SO in marriage

I’ve been married to someone i liked. We had sone issues initially in relationship , wherein it didnt work out. But later with lot of courage we decided to get married.

Before marriage i had issues with ■■■■ addiction.like anytime i was alone i thought about ■■■■… all sorts of ■■■■.and i found myself ■■■■■■■■■■■■ whenever i was alone. Its not that i felt that way, but just because i was alone and watched ■■■■.

Post marriage i couldnt grasp real sex or intimacy. I struggled to keep my SO satisfied. She gave me some support though it was very didsatisfying for her. I was alone and wouodbt talk to her due to feeling insecure and sone words she would say whrn she was mad.

Its been couple of years already. With time i seem to have developed anxiety abiut sex. I want to have sex with her, i can think of it in my mind. But when i want to approach her , i lose the libido and have a deep fear of where its gonna go. All the fights come to my mind. I lose my erection and also the interest to have sex.

Shes a very good person, but due to the lost time ,she seem to get very angry with this. And im unable to just quickly turn things around. Im afraid things would be over for us if this doesnt fix.

Need help please. !!


Hi @LonelyLife

Thank you for taking the time to share with us your struggles, and for being so authentic here.
I appreciate you sharing your concerns, and I can see that you’re facing challenges in your intimate relationship with your partner. I acknowledge the impact that the addiction and subsequent anxiety have had on your marriage, and I’m sorry to hear how difficult it is for you both now.

I would like to ask a couple of questions to help you reflect on the situation:

  1. Can you identify specific triggers or thoughts that contribute to your anxiety about sex, and are there patterns in your communication with your spouse that exacerbate these concerns? For example, is it because you fear ‘failing’ her expectations in the process or etc…?

  2. Have you considered seeking professional help, such as a therapist or counselor, to explore the root causes of your anxiety, improve communication with your spouse, and work on strategies to enhance intimacy in your relationship? There are relationship therapists who help specifically with these issues that you’re struggling with.

Addressing these issues with a mental health professional can provide you with valuable insights and support. They can help you manage the emotional aspects of your struggles and work towards building a healthier and more satisfying connection with your spouse.

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and it’s never too late to work on improving your relationship. If you have any additional concerns or if there’s anything else you’d like to discuss, please feel free to share. Let us know how you’re coping and what you’ve decided to do, we’ll be here for you.

Hear from you soon.

1 Like