Marriage life eh

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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Why do we keep fighting? Sigh…

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Hi @xxtyxx

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. Conflict and disagreements can be truly very exhausting and draining. Perhaps these reasons may help you to understand the root of your fights/arguments, but of course please remember these are merely suggestions and may not be the real reasons. It’s always good to speak to a therapist about this issue to find out more.

  1. Communication Breakdown: Misunderstandings often occur when there’s a breakdown in communication. Could it be that you both interpret things differently? If these differences aren’t addressed, they can lead to conflicts.

  2. Different Perspectives: Everyone has their own unique experiences, beliefs, and values. These differences can sometimes lead to clashes, especially when individuals have difficulty understanding or accepting viewpoints that differ from their own.

  3. Unmet Needs: People have various needs, whether they are emotional, psychological, or practical. When these needs are not met, it can lead to frustration and conflict too.

  4. Stress and External Factors: External stressors, such as work pressure, personal challenges, or other life circumstances, can contribute to heightened emotions and increase the likelihood of conflicts. Do you both often engage in conversation when you feel pressured or stressed out?

  5. Lack of Emotional Regulation: Difficulty managing and expressing emotions can also contribute to conflicts. When people struggle to regulate their emotions, they may react impulsively, escalating disagreements.

I understand it might be difficult at this point, but having effective communication, active listening, and empathy can play a huge role in resolving conflicts. If you find that your arguments continue and there seem to be difficulty resolving them, you could try speaking to a relationship therapist or a counsellor who can help guide you on how to work around this issue.

Remember that it’s okay to ask for support and work towards finding constructive solutions. If you’re comfortable, perhaps sharing more details about your specific situation might allow me to provide more tailored advice or insights? Let us know what you think and what steps you’ve taken so far.

We’re here with you.

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What do y’all fight about?

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Fight about almost everything on a daily basis. Last time we rarely fought, dk what happened recently.

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How do you approach these fights? Are you the kind that will fight all the way or are you the kind that will try to avoid conflict?

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Sometimes when minor things start to irritate me or when I find myself picking on little little things that my S/O does, I find that it’s because there’s a larger unresolved issue, emotion or an unmet need at-hand. Other times, it’s not so personal - either one of us is stressed out about external issues but bc the stress is so overwhelming, it starts to spillover and affect the relationship as well. I wonder if any of these identify with you?

I hope things get better for you and your partner soon :confused:

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:frowning: did anything happen to you or your spouse recently, be it individually or together as a couple?

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yes, actually for a very long time.

it was built up emotions i guess, whenever i tried to let it be better, things just suddenly happen and get worst.

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yeah, with all that you said.

and other things that happened in the house too.

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I think open communication from both parties would really help the situation, to slowly resolve all the unresolved conflicts!! Not easy if there’s a lot of built up :confused:

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Hey @xxtyxx :wave: Agreed with @duckling open communication and I think its important to frame the conversations where by it’s the both of you together trying to solve a problem and avoid blamming the other party. For example "I am upset because of this problem … it makes me feel uncomfortable because it … " , “… how can we make each other feel better or how can I help you feel …”

Its not easy at the start but understanding and communicating that you want to solve the problems as partners and are not against each other is key here. :relieved:

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