Excessive Emotions

I’m not sure if this is normal, but I consider myself to be quite the emotional/sensitive person so I tend to read in between the lines (sometimes unecessarily) and this has caused me to have upsetting thoughts or conversations.

I have had a very toxic first relationship where it was in sum mostly fights, and I find myself (even now) to have the same fears of repeat. I get very upset when wronged or misunderstood, and the extent to which I feel upset during an argument with my partner concerns me as I don’t want to let it seem like I’m manipulating through my tears but I can’t help it, 70% of the time it gets personal to me and I start sobbing.

My boyfriend has told me I worry too much, but I feel like I don’t experience physical discomfort as seen in anxiety disorders. For context, I have a form of hair pulling disorder and this has led to a worsened self image while growing up.

Any insights on how to improve my reactions to discomfort or stress in interpersonal relationships would be great…I don’t have a close relationship with my family, but it’s not a toxic home


Dear @matcha

Thank you for taking the time to share with us your concerns, I commend you for your courage to be so open and authentic here on this platform. I also want to acknowledge the strength it takes to open up about your experiences, and I’m here to offer support and guidance as we explore ways to enhance your well-being. It sounds like you have a deep awareness of your emotions and a desire for more constructive ways to work around your situation.

It’s great that your sensitivity and ability to read between the lines are valuable qualities, and it’s understandable that they may sometimes lead to upsetting thoughts or conversations. I want to acknowledge the impact of your past toxic relationship on your current fears and reactions. Let’s work together to find strategies that can help you manage and transform these emotional responses.

Firstly, I affirm you, that your emotions are valid, and it’s okay to feel upset during disagreements - it’s completely normal and it happens to all of us too. We can explore ways to express your emotions in a manner that feels authentic to you while learning effective communication with your partner. One approach might involve developing a set of “communication tools” to use during discussions, such as taking breaks when needed, using “I” statements to express your feelings, and actively listening to your partner’s perspective. We also have a great conversation tool here that you might find helpful too.

Considering your concern about your tears being perceived as manipulation, how about you work on creating open communication with your partner? :slight_smile: You can share with him your feelings and fears, emphasizing your commitment to healthy communication. Being transparent can help bring understanding and strengthen your connection together.

Given your history with a hair-pulling disorder and its impact on self-image, we can explore techniques to enhance self-compassion and self-esteem. Mindfulness practices, such as grounding exercises and self-affirmations, may be beneficial in promoting a more positive self-perception.

Lastly, even though you don’t experience physical discomfort characteristic of anxiety disorders, I can imagine that the emotional distress you describe is equally intense too. Seeking support from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, can provide you with a safe space to further explore and address these concerns. For a start, I would recommend that you seek help from a counsellor at the nearest Family Service Centre to you, or at your convenience you can talk to someone online here:

Please remember - your are unique, and so is your mental health journey! Do reach out to us and let us know how you’re doing and coping. Take care, and we are here for you on this journey toward greater emotional well-being.

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