since young i felt like i have been receiving unfair punishment (very bad canning, screaming, kicked out of the house) from my mom whos super strict and even fast foward 10 years later, i still feel extremely afraid of her and everything about her causes me to feel anxiety, from hearing her footsteps to even hearing the door open when she is home. I understand that her intentions may be good but when it comes to relaying the message, she is super cut throat and the way she phrases thing and the tone she uses makes me sound like i am always in the fault and i just feel so scared of her and whenever she raises her voice (at anyone) i feel pity for the person and i will start to feel nervous that it will come to me. wanting to not burden people, i tend to keep these frustrating feelings to myself and i think overtime it has affected me alot in terms of how whenever other people whom im close to starts to display such behaviours, i will feel very affected and think that i was the one who caused it even though they could have had a bad day. i am also very worried that this may be with me in the future when i am unable to tolerate my husband raising his voice, like even right now with a slight raise in his voice whilst speaking factually makes me burst into tears… i dont know whether this is normal or i am overreacting or i actually do need help :”
Hi @User1266,
Thank you for opening up and sharing your experiences. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a heavy burden for a long time, and it’s completely understandable to feel the way you do. The fear and anxiety you feel from your childhood experiences with your mother are very real and valid.
Your fear and anxiety aren’t just in your head. Those childhood experiences with severe punishment and strictness have left a deep impact. Feeling scared and anxious when you hear your mother’s footsteps or when she raises her voice is a natural response to those past traumas.
It makes sense that these experiences are affecting your current relationships. When we’ve been conditioned to expect fear and punishment from those close to us, it’s natural to feel anxious and blame ourselves when similar situations arise with others, even if they’re not exactly the same. This isn’t an overreaction; it’s a sign that your past traumas are still affecting your present.
It might be very beneficial for you to seek professional help to work through these past traumas. Therapy, especially trauma-focused therapy can help you process these experiences and reduce their impact on your current life. Here is an option for you to consider; SAMH (Singapore Association for Mental Health) at 1800-283-7019
Sharing your feelings with trusted friends, family, or a support group can also provide a sense of relief and understanding. Sometimes, just knowing that others care and understand can make a big difference.
It’s crucial to be kind and patient with yourself as you navigate these feelings. Healing from trauma is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. Your reactions are not a sign of weakness or overreaction; they’re a testament to the strength you’ve shown in surviving and coping with your past.
Consider reaching out to a therapist who specializes in trauma. Writing about your feelings can sometimes help process them. Practices like deep breathing can help manage anxiety in the moment.
Your experiences and feelings are valid, and you deserve to find peace and healing. Take good care and please keep reaching out for support.