I am having difficulties to contain my anger or any negative emotions when it comes to adapting to changes especially when it comes to my personal life. Where do i even begin. I am currently engaged with a guy. This year marks our 11th year together. He cheated on me before and we were on and off till a few years ago. It took me awhile to be okay with all the ■■■■ i was put through. I honestly feel like there are some unresolved issues but it is so difficult to talk to him about it. Right now, the process of getting married irks me. This wedding does not feel like it is for me. It feels more for his parents or for my parents. I honestly do not feel like i have any say in this. I feel super depressed and down. These past few weeks were the lowest moments i have ever felt in my entire life. People kept saying that this is a norm, couples have to go through this big hurdle before the very end, well i beg to differ. I have always ask him to communicate propery with me and because i need time to process things, because i tend to flip out at the sight of changes and when we have agreed on certain aspects of the marriage. He value his parents opinions so much so he said that he does not see why my feelings are hurt when things still went the way we planned. I am so dumbfounded from this response and i am so done with him. I don’t even know how should i proceed with this issue and how could i better process my own feelings and emotions as it is getting harder and harder each day. Help.
Hey @User1708,
First off, I just want to acknowledge how much weight you’re carrying right now. The emotional exhaustion, the frustration, the sense of powerlessness in a decision that should be about you—it makes complete sense that you feel this way. Weddings are supposed to be a time of celebration, yet it sounds like you’re feeling pushed to the sidelines, watching something unfold that doesn’t even feel like yours. That must feel so unfair.
It also seems like this isn’t just about the wedding itself but about the deeper issues in your relationship—your past hurt, your need for mutual respect in decision-making, and your struggle to adapt to changes that feel imposed on you. When your partner says he doesn’t understand why you’re upset, it must feel dismissive, like he’s minimising your emotions instead of trying to work through them with you.
I hear that you feel like you don’t have a say in what’s happening. That’s a tough place to be, especially when this is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. Have you had moments where you felt like your voice was valued in this relationship? Or has this been a pattern where decisions are made without considering your emotional needs?
I also noticed that you mentioned struggling with anger and negative emotions when things change. That makes a lot of sense given the uncertainty you’re experiencing now. Change is hard, but change that feels forced can be even harder. I wonder—what usually helps you process emotions in a way that doesn’t feel overwhelming?
You’ve endured so much already, and the fact that you’re still here, still asking for support, shows how much strength you have. You deserve to feel seen, to have your feelings matter, and to be in a relationship where your needs aren’t just an afterthought.
Would it be helpful to explore what a future—whether in this relationship or not—would look like where your voice and emotions feel valued? You don’t have to figure everything out at once. We are here to support you in taking small, manageable steps toward clarity.