Engaged but overwhelmed, anxious and depressive

I recently got engaged to my partner who is perfect for me in all ways. Instead of feeling happy and overjoyed- I feel overwhelmed. I feel anxious and not excited about the future just because I feel a lot of guilt moving out of my home and focusing on my new family. I inherently have been well loved growing up and never lacked anything, I feel greatly indebted to my parents and I know that I provide emotionally to my parents and grandparents a lot. I feel the new responsibilities and priorities of getting married, more obligations and responsibilities which make me feel like I am abandoning those who showered me with love and gave so much to give me the life I have.

This causes me to spiral when I think about the purpose of my life as I reflect on my parents- if it is just to raise children so when they leave, I’ll just feel emptier, then what is the point of it all?

Is it normal to feel such conflicting feelings? That I should be so happy and excited I found the right partner, I feel burdened at the same time?

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Dear @nayang89,

Thank you for having the courage to share your thoughts and feelings with me. It’s entirely normal to feel a mix of emotions during such a significant life transition. Your feelings of overwhelm and guilt are valid, especially considering the deep bond and sense of responsibility you have towards your family. The love and care you’ve received throughout your life have shaped who you are, and it’s natural to worry about how your new responsibilities might affect those relationships.

Balancing your own happiness with the sense of duty you feel towards your parents and grandparents can be challenging. It’s important to remember that moving forward in life and embracing new experiences doesn’t mean you are abandoning your loved ones. Instead, think of it as expanding your circle of love and support. Your new family will bring new joys and opportunities to create beautiful memories, while still cherishing and maintaining the strong connections with your parents and grandparents.

I’m here to support you if you need someone to talk to. Taking time to acknowledge and process these emotions is a crucial step towards finding balance and peace in this new chapter of your life. Embrace the excitement of your engagement while honoring the love and gratitude you feel towards your family.

Best regards,

Danial Asri
Volunteer Befriender, mindline.sg

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Dear @nayang89

First of all, I want to acknowledge how deeply honest and vulnerable you’re being in sharing these feelings. It’s completely normal to have conflicting emotions, especially when a big life transition like marriage is on the horizon. Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or even guilty doesn’t diminish the love you have for your partner or the joy of finding someone who feels like the right fit for you.

It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of emotional weight, feeling a deep sense of responsibility and gratitude towards your family for all they’ve done for you. It’s natural to want to honour and continue nurturing those relationships, and it’s okay to feel torn when balancing your love and commitment to your family with your new role in your own marriage.

This doesn’t mean you’re abandoning anyone—your love and emotional support for your family doesn’t disappear when you create a new family with your partner. It’s more about learning how to shift your priorities in a way that honours both your past and your future. You’re not leaving them behind, but rather expanding your circle of love and responsibility. Your parents and grandparents might even be proud to see you step into this new chapter, as hard as it may be to make that shift.

As for the bigger existential questions you’re grappling with—like the purpose of life or the emptiness that can come with milestones like children leaving the nest—it’s something many people wrestle with. But the love and connection you build with your partner, and the life you continue to create, can hold so much meaning, even beyond the roles of being a child or a parent. Life isn’t just about raising children; it’s also about growth, connection, and learning to build a future with someone who sees you for who you are.

Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to be uncertain. It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions when you’re on the cusp of such a significant change. Take things one step at a time, and give yourself time to adjust to these new responsibilities. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. You’re allowed to feel both the joy and the burden, and it doesn’t take away from the happiness that comes with finding a partner. :yellow_heart: