We are newly wed however recently i felt very mentally tired because of our relationship struggles, making me think further if i have made a wrong choice to marry my husband.
He has anger management issue and compulsive disorder, domineering and ensuring that only his way is right. He has relationship problems with his parents as his parents often diminish his self esteem, making comments such as he is worthless and useless. He will then become angry and not able to regulate his emotions.
Additionally, with the loss of his job due to toxic work environment, he became even more irritated day by day. He will every now and then flare up and emphasize on his emotions and anger on others.
I am feeling really mentally drain by his emotions and anger.
Thank you for reaching out for help very courageously during this challenging time in your new marriage. Please know that your feelings are valid and I can fully identify with you that struggles around relationships with our spouses can be overwhelming. I also believe your husband’s issues require attention and support. It is understandable that your well being is affected by his anger management issues, compulsivity and domineering behaviour.
May I recommend you consider :
-Couples therapy: Address relationship dynamics and communication. Pick up skills to engage each other in a healthy manner. Learn fair fighting techniques. Revisit your dreams and hopes for the future. Build a stronger relationship.
-Attending marriage and relationship talks or read and discuss books together on healthy marriages such as those books on research done by Professor John Gottman.
-Individual therapy: Help your husband manage anger and compulsive disorder. A compassionate Counsellor could also help your husband process the trauma from his past which I believe is interfering with his present.
-Self-care: Prioritise your emotional well-being and take breaks when needed.
-Boundary setting: Establish clear limits on acceptable behaviour. Explain how you feel by starting with I statements, such as “l feel sad when you……”. Reduce blame.
From what I have observed, good relationships thrive on mutual respect, and give and take. I encourage you to take baby steps towards that direction.
Hello @Seek! Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling!
I hear that you’re exhausted. Getting married should be a time of happiness and exploration, but it seems sense that overcoming these significant challenges is clouding it. As you deal with your partner’s unsolved issues and the effect they’re having on you and the relationship, you seem to be bearing a lot of emotional burden.
Keep in mind that it’s OK to establish limits and safeguard your wellbeing, particularly when someone’s actions are hurting you. When he’s calm, it might be helpful to have an open discussion about how his behaviours and rage are impacting you. You can think about recommending that he speak with a professional, such as a therapist, who can assist him in processing his experiences with his parents, his loss of his employment, and the ways in which these have affected his feelings and actions. Couples counselling may also be a helpful setting where you two may discuss these issues with direction, if he is receptive.
It’s crucial that you take some time to refuel as well, whether that means writing, confiding in a friend, or spending some alone time to re-establish a connection with yourself and what you need to feel supported. Prioritising your well-being is not selfish; it is as important as his. It will take time for him to regain his sense of self-worth and learn to control his anger, but keep in mind that you don’t have to carry the burden alone.
If you need someone to talk to or rant, feel free to drop it on this platform
! Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling!
