Relationships

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i do know i am young and have so much more ahead of me (f19) . but attachment is such a hard thing to deal with. as of recently i have taken steps to acknowledge of my feelings mentally and trying to get hold of it and cope with it. sometimes relationship arguments can trigger setbacks, especially when my partner is unknown about how i am struggling mentally. i have tried to say but i feel like it keeps getting dismissed and downplayed. i do not want to come to a decision that i have to let go of my partner because i do think his good side outweighs his bad side but its not exactly helping me get better. one of the reason i want to get better was to make our relationship even more healthier. what do i do? any advices :confused:

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hi @user6260 :waving_hand: first, i’d just like to say that i admire the way you’re sharing about your situation. there’s a sense of maturity in the way you’re describing your struggles and your awareness to wanting to communicate with your partner for the betterment of the relationship and your own well-being.
it mustn’t be easy to have that desire to talk about your mental struggles but not really getting the listening ear and compassion you’re hoping for. it also sounds like you want to give your relationship a fair shot and not jump into anything rash.
i still have disagreements with my partners and to share, it’s bc we express and cope with our emotions very differently! i am very open and in tune with mine (so sometimes my emotions get the better of me oops) while he reserves his thoughts and words to process on his own. but with this, sometimes i too face the frustration that my partner doesn’t really get where i’m coming from. one thing that has helped us try to work on this is using 'i feel.." statements. so the way you shared

could be a way to communicate to your partner on how his actions can make you feel. Have you also told your partner about the part that you want to get better to make the r/s healthier? Maybe that’s something to help him perspective take that it isn’t you vs him when there’s a difficult conversation!

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Hey @user6260 !

I hear your struggles about relationships. You are 19, but your age does not diminish your feelings of attachment - they are as valid as every one else’s. I also think you are extremely courageous to acknowledge your mental feelings - that’s often the first step to getting better. Im proud of you!

Perhaps you can try communicating to him again, directly. Proper communication often solves most problems. One proven effective way to talk about problems is during walks - walking dissipates tension that might arise during serious conversations. Maybe you can try that! Stay strong!

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It sounds like you treat your connection and relationship with a lot of weight and consideration, and that’s a mature way of thinking.

I would think about what are my needs and what is it that my partner can meet or what are the needs you’d appreciate support from your partner in meeting. And having an open transparent discussion about this (and letting your partner express their needs too) is a good step! It can be a vulnerable moment, and I hear one element of needs already is wanting your partner to know how you’re struggling mentally. It might be tough to express that you’ve been struggling but also gives your partner a chance to step up and play a role in supporting you and meeting your needs. W

But I’m also sensing that the attempts thus far had him responding dismissively. How did that conversation go for you?

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hello @lilac @rosy @carnello ! thank you so much for the advices. i’ve always felt small whenever it comes to how i feel but you guys made me feel comforted and seen. i’ve tried talking to my partner again, thankfully it didn’t turn into a fight. he did receive it well but of course it takes time to actually see the change :slight_smile: i do not know if he fully grasp what i was trying to deliver but it’s worth the shot. atleast i know how to better cope with myself and the situation. thank you once again!

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That’s a big step to take and it sounds like you’re happy with how it turned out. Kudos and proud of you for showing up for yourself! All the best to you and your partner in navigating this together

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Hi @user6260, first of all thank you so much for sharing something so vulnerable. I can tell you’re someone who feels things very deeply and being 19 and navigating emotions, attachment, and relationships is hard. But I want you to know, the fact that you’re aware of your struggles, taking steps to cope, that’s so good thing to realise in this age. Most people don’t even get to that point. So please give yourself some credit, you’re doing better than you think.

Coming to attachment, when it feels intense, can feel like both a comfort and a weight. When you’re in a relationship and you care deeply, it’s normal to feel more emotionally reactive. But your mental health matters just as much as the relationship. If being with someone is making it harder for you, it’s okay to question whether that relationship is helping or hurting you.

You mentioned trying to express your feelings to your partner but feeling dismissed. That’s painful, and it’s valid to feel hurt by it. In a healthy relationship, even if your partner doesn’t fully understand what you’re going through, they should still want to listen and support you. Being heard is a basic need in any partnership, not something you should feel guilty asking for.

You might want to have a direct conversation with him. Let him know clearly that you are really trying to get better but when you feel like your mental health is being dismissed, how you need him to be there and try to understand your situation. Just try to talk to him about your situation.

At the end of the day, choosing your mental health isn’t selfish. Whatever happens, you’re going to be okay and we are always here if you need any help.:white_heart:

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i’m glad you found some comfort in the support given here ~ it’s also rly nice to hear that you and your partner had a conversation about this! it mustn’t be easy having such a heavy topic as the center of the conversation so kudos to you :clap:t2:
if you find yourself needing a listening ear again, hope you remember that there’s a safe space for you here. :pink_heart:

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