I just took a break with my bf as we kept arguing often on the same topic which is how I want to be loved. yea he buys me gifts to make me smile but he doesn’t genuinely make me happy at all cause my love language is words of affirmation. It took me a very long time to finally come to an extend that it draining to me and is very tired for me too i argue about this with him almost every day but he just couldn’t seem to understand my perspective of view. I try telling myself is the right thing to do cause I’m trying to heal myself but he keeps thinking everything it’s his fault and is making me overthink and we both don’t talk to other boys or girl cause he used to overthink and I broke out because of it cause I can’t handle his overthinking last time but I was there to reassure him but now when it comes to me he doesn’t want to be patient and think for me. he also sacrifices many stuff that his love just for me but he is missing the small details that I love from the past that he is not doing anymore and he blames it on starting his own business that’s why he can’t do that for me. He don’t even plan dates or anything anymore the small details to the relationship he doesn’t do it but I had to tell him that I want it a lot but he can’t seem to understand I want it without telling him. now that we took a break. I’m constantly scared of what people might think or how they will judge me cause I said that he treated me very well to others but nobody has seen how he hurt me.
Hey @user1511,
Thank you for opening your heart and sharing something so personal. The courage it takes to be this honest about your relationship struggles - that’s something I deeply respect 
Taking this break was such a wise and mature decision. It shows you’re choosing clarity over comfort, and that takes real strength. Both of you deserve the space to breathe, to remember who you are outside of the struggle, and to gain some perspective on what you truly want
From what you’ve shared, I can feel how much pain both of you have been carrying. When a relationship requires constant sacrifice and still leaves you both feeling drained rather than nourished, that’s your heart trying to tell you something important. It doesn’t make either of you bad people - sometimes two good people just aren’t good together, or aren’t ready to be good together yet
Here’s the question I want you to sit with, without rushing toward an answer: When you strip away the history, the investment, the fear of starting over, the guilt - what does your heart actually want? Not what you think you should want, not what would be easier or harder, but what would make your soul feel most alive and at peace?
That honest, vulnerable answer you find? That’s your truth, and it deserves to be honored 
The truth is, relationships take work, and that communication differences can create much unnecessary pain. If you’re up for a book recommendation, ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ by Jong Gray is a really helpful resource for understanding those communication patterns from both sides. Of course if you’re not up for it that’s okay too, there’s no right and no wrong, just what works for you~
Right now, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. This break is a gift - use it to reconnect with who you are, what you need, and what kind of love you want to create in your life. Whether that’s with him after you’ve both grown, or with someone new who meets you where you are, only you can decide
Take gentle care of yourself during this time. You deserve love that feels like coming home, not like a battle you’re constantly fighting
Hey @userr1511. That sounds like such a heavy emotional space to be in. You’re loving someone and yet constantly feeling unheard and unseen. That tension can between wanting to stay and needing to honour your own needs is so real, and very challenging.
It’s clear to me that you have been patient, tried to communicate, and held space for his overthinking before. And now, I see that the same patience being asked of him, to understand your love language, your needs, and the small things that matters a lot to you. We all want to feel loved in the language that feels safe and true for us. It’s not selfish, it’s honest.
A relationship can look “fine” from the outside and still feel lonely on the inside. So if this break is you trying to heal and breathe again, then it’s not a step backward, it’s you making a stand for yourself to take care of your heart. Taking a break to heal isn’t a betrayal. It’s actually self-respect. It’s choosing peace, clarity, and alignment, and that’s nothing to feel ashamed of.
Maybe this break isn’t just distance, it’s a chance for clarity. Not just for him, but for you too.
You’re allowed to choose yourself, even when it hurts. Healing doesn’t always look like progress to others, but it will feel like alignment to you. Trust that 
Hi @userr1511
It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot throughout this relationship and are feeling stressed lately. I just wanna tell you that wanting words of affirmation isn’t asking for too much; it’s simply wanting affection in the way that you feel most loved. So, even gestures (such as gift giving) can feel empty, because your emotional needs aren’t being met.
I completely get what you are going through as I have also dated someone like you have described. I, too, experienced needing to comfort my partner without receiving little to no emotional support when I need it.
Choosing to take a break shows you’re choosing to protect both of yours well‑being, even though it’s hard and uncomfortable. Neither of you are at fault here. It’s natural for you to feel conflicted, especially since you’ve told others he treats you well. But in my opinion, “well” doesn’t always mean “right for you.” The hurt you’ve experienced is still real, even if it’s not visible to outsiders. So, their opinions do not matter right now as they cannot see into the relationship and the conflict you are feeling.
It’s also okay to want a partner who notices the small things about you without you needing to remind them. That’s part of feeling truly seen in a relationship. You’ve been patient and given him support in the past, but you also deserve someone who offers that same patience and understanding when it’s comes to yourself. Relationships grow best when both people are willing to meet each other halfway.
Right now, take the time to focus on yourself and what you need. Figure out what you are like without him. Please take care of you and I trust that whatever you decide going forward is the best decision for you. 
hey @userr1511,
taking a break from all the arguments, especially if it’s almost every day, sounds like the right thing for you right now… especially when your love language and your boyfriend’s just seem different. your love language is words of affirmation, yeah? but his way seems to be more about giving and self-sacrificing. so it makes sense you’re feeling drained because, no matter how hard he tries, something important still feels missing to you.
that line at the end, where you said you’re scared people will judge you because nobody has seen how he hurt you… .that sounds like a deeper kind of hurt… when no one else sees what’s been hurting you, and now you’re carrying this silence alone. do you feel like people would misunderstand if you tried to tell the full story?
but at the same time, you mentioned how he’s sacrificing things he loves too, just to prove himself to you. maybe he’s feeling just as lost about how to make things right. it sounds like both of you are trying really hard but still ending up feeling helpless..
maybe that’s part of why it’s all felt so confusing… you’re trying to heal, and he’s trying to prove he loves you, but neither of you really feel seen. is that what it feels like? that both of you are trying in completely different ways, and the gap just keeps widening…
but now that I just broke up with him cause it’s been 3 times I took a break with him he manipulated and guilt tripped me so many times that I am now blinded by love. Im so drain as I always beg him to do the bare minimum for me which he guilt trips me into me thinking that he is not doing bare minimum but more and now that I have come to realise I’m scared of what people might think of me I’m so attached that I just rely on him more than ever like I can’t do things without him as he always restricted me on doing stuff that he doesn’t like but does the stuff I don’t like to me
Hello @userr1511 it really sounds like you’ve been holding so much in for so long, and I just want to say I see how emotionally exhausting this has been for you. You’ve tried so hard to communicate your needs, especially around how you want to be loved, and it’s painful when that doesn’t seem to be fully understood or taken to heart. Wanting words of affirmation isn’t asking for too much. It’s simply asking to be loved in the way your heart understands best. That matters, and your feelings are completely valid.
Taking a break doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you gave up easily. It means you’ve reached a point where you had to put yourself first, especially when it started to affect your peace and mental health. That kind of decision takes strength, and I hope you give yourself credit for that. Healing often starts with hard choices, and choosing yourself is never something to feel guilty about.
It’s also okay to feel conflicted. It’s okay to remember the good parts while still recognizing what hurt you. Just because others saw the gifts or the surface-level gestures doesn’t mean they saw the emotional strain you were under. You’re allowed to outgrow a dynamic that isn’t emotionally fulfilling, even if it looks fine on the outside.
You gave reassurance when he needed it, and it’s okay to feel hurt that you didn’t receive the same in return. Relationships need mutual effort, especially when it comes to emotional understanding and patience. Love isn’t just about sacrifices or material gestures. It’s about feeling seen, safe, and understood, even in the small things.
Please try not to let the fear of judgment silence your truth. No one else walked in your shoes, and no one else lived through those arguments or emotional struggles. You’re allowed to tell your full story, and you’re allowed to protect your peace without needing to justify it to anyone.
You’re doing what you need to do to heal, and that is something to be proud of. Be gentle with yourself. You’re learning, growing, and setting boundaries that protect your heart, and that’s what real self-love looks like.
Hi OP,
Relationships are finnicky matters, especially romantic relationships. Relationships are a two-way road where both parties involved have to give and take. The most important thing in a relationship is open communication.
From what I read, you’ve communicated to him that your love language is words of affirmation, but he doesn’t listen. He continues to do what he thinks is an act of his love, but you don’t feel it because he didn’t listen to what you wanted.
Romantic relationship is a hard and difficult thing to maintain, so taking a break from it is a good choice to do. Take some time to yourself and reflect your values and goals. Both people in the relationship should have similar, aligning goals—of what they both want together as a couple.
I hope the best for you, OP 
Wishing the best for you and your BF. Hope that he and you can find a common ground together.
Hey, I hear you — it really sounds like you’ve been carrying so much in this relationship. Wanting to feel loved the way that actually reaches you isn’t too much to ask at all. And I can tell you’ve been really patient and put in a lot of effort to make it work, even when it was hurting you.
Taking a break isn’t selfish — it’s you protecting your peace and trying to heal. It makes sense that you’re scared of being judged, especially when people only see the good parts. But just because he did some good things doesn’t mean the hurt didn’t happen. Both can be true.
You’re not wrong for wanting emotional connection, or for feeling tired. What you’re feeling is valid, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of your mental and emotional wellbeing