anxiety, depression and the lot

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1

hi, i think my mental health is affecting my relationship and i don’t know what to do. for context, i’m undiagnosed but highly likely was experiencing depression and anxiety in my secondary school years due to bullying. i always thought it was a phase and it went away, but i realized after having a supportive partner and in a healthy relationship, my mental health issues become more apparent and happen v often to the extent that i feel like i’m self-sabotaging my relationship.

i feel that my low self-esteem makes me question my worth when it comes to dating my partner, especially when i see them freely interact with others and with their friends. my insecurities always pour out whenever i see them interact with ppl but i always feel terrible bc i know these thoughts are irrational. i also feel extremely guilty whenever they’re with me bc they’re always worried whenever they’re out with me bc i get triggered very easily.

i recently got a panic? anxiety attack? during a trip and had to excuse myself to the toilet and cry it out, with intrusive thoughts happening all the time. my partner realized i was gone and texted me, but i was frustrated at myself, angry at them (not sure why) and confused. my partner is always so worried they did something wrong to trigger me and i just don’t have it in me to get them to stay in this relationship if it’s so burdensome.

my partner always tells me time and time again that we will get through this together and that my partner will support me irregardless of my mental illnesses but i don’t know how to shake this feeling of being a burden and also reconcile that i do need help and that i can take up the support my partner is offering.

i don’t know what help i’m seeking honestly, i just need to let this out because i feel so alone, even though my partner has told me they’ll be there for me every step of the way. i’m always telling them they can choose to leave me, they don’t need to stay and deal with my mental health issues especially because we’re in the dating stage - i don’t know if i’m selfish or self-centered for framing this around me, i just truly wished i was mentally okay so that i can be present with my partner and to not be a burden to them, but i guess we might have to learn to live with my mental illness and work around it.

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Dear @user7247

Thank you for sharing. It’s not easy to open up about something vulnerable, especially when you’re already feeling overwhelmed and unsure of what to do. I want you to know that you are neither selfish, nor a burden. You’re doing your best while carrying a lot of invisible pain.

It’s completely understandable that now, in a safe and loving relationship, your emotions feel even more intense. I have observed that when we’re finally with someone who makes us feel safe, it’s common for the wounds we’ve kept quiet for years to start surfacing. I believe it’s a sign that you are trying to process the hurt you couldn’t before.

Your low self-esteem, panic attacks, and intrusive thoughts are not your fault. They’re signals that you’ve been hurting for a long time, possibly since those earlier years when you were being bullied. And the fact that you’re still here, still trying to love and be loved through all of this is powerful. Even if you don’t feel strong, just writing all of this shows strength and self-awareness.

Your partner sounds like someone who truly cares and wants to support you. But I also understand how hard it can be to accept that love when your mind is constantly questioning your worth. Do remember that you don’t need to be “perfectly okay” to be worthy of care. You already are.

And while love from someone else is meaningful, I hope you’ll also consider getting professional support. A counsellor can give you the tools, space, and understanding to help you untangle all the emotions you’ve been carrying. It’s not about being “fixed”but it’s about giving yourself the support you’ve long deserved. You don’t have to do this alone, and you don’t have to keep pushing through silently.

One resource you might want to look into is [https://chat.mentalhealth.sg], which is youth-friendly and designed to support people just like you who are figuring out their mental health journey. You deserve to feel better.
Do take one small step at a time. Seeking help isn’t weakness, it means you are determined to make things better. Keep reaching out here whenever needed. :yellow_heart:

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Hey @user7247. Thank you for being so open and honest on something that’s clearly been weighing heavy on you. It takes so much strength to be this honest with yourself and others. I just want to say: your awareness isn’t selfish, it’s courageous. Really. It shows how deeply you care, not just for your partner, but also for how your mental health affects your relationship.

The part that really stood out to me was when you said, “I just truly wished I was mentally okay so I can be present with my partner…” That line speaks volumes, and it shows how much love you have to give. And it makes me wonder, what if you already are being present with your partner… not through perfection, but through honesty and vulnerability?

Sometimes the pain resurfaces not because you’re falling apart, but because you’re finally somewhere safe enough for it to show up. That’s not sabotage, that’s your nervous system trying its best to protect you from past hurt, even if it misfires sometimes. It doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human.

I wonder, how would it feel to start gently shifting the question from “Why am I like this?” to “What does this part of me need right now?” That could be a gentle starting point for self-compassion and healing in a new way.

Your partner sounds caring, patient, and committed. It’s okay to let someone love you, even when you’re struggling. You don’t have to constantly “earn” your place by being okay all the time.

If you haven’t yet, maybe it could be helpful to explore speaking to a professional, someone who can help you untangle what’s been sitting with you since those bullying years. You don’t have to figure this all out alone, and needing support doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human, again.

You’re allowed to work on your mental health and still be a good partner. Those two things can co-exist.

Even if you don’t know exactly what kind of help you need yet, just reaching out like this, sharing your truth, is already a powerful brave step. Let that be enough for now :sunflower: