struggling with recurring negative thoughts about my relationship even when things are perfect.

I’ve never been in a relationship before and I’ve always struggled with anxiety and second guessing myself and my thoughts and decision. Everything has been going perfectly. My partner is amazing and supportive. I’ve even spoken to her about some of these issues and she’s been really patient dealing with them.

Despite all this, I keep having recurring thoughts like, no you don’t love her, she deserves better, it’s not going to last etc. Things like that. A big part of me knows that these are just intrusive thoughts. Like when you’re walking on the sidewalk and see traffic and your brain says “run into traffic DO IT”. Its just an intrusive thought.

But then comes the 2nd guessing, maybe its not that, maybe I am just not in a position to be in a relationship when my head is a mess. I keep arguing with myself about things like this. I tell myself, if I give up on this now, this will definitely happen again if I’m with someone else later on. What then?

So I’m really struggling to get such thoughts out of my head cause I don’t want them to come in the way of my happiness. I’m an anxious overthinker and I want to stop thinking. I just want to enjoy the nice things I have in life. This is probably the 3rd time I’ve had such an overthinking episode with doubts and everything. And the time in between, they never really leave. It’s when I think to myself, “Hey remember that thoughts I had? Is it gone yet?” That I start to spiral out of control again.

Haisssss. Please advice. Thank you!


Hi @sluggishmode

Thank you for sharing your worries, I hear you, and it sounds like you’re going through a really difficult time right now. Dealing with intrusive thoughts and constant self-doubt can be really very draining, especially when you’re in such a positive and supportive relationship. I really commend you for being open with your partner about these struggles, and I can tell that she cares deeply for you :slight_smile:

I’d like you to know that these intrusive thoughts are just that—thoughts. They don’t define you or your relationship. You’re absolutely right in comparing them to passing traffic; they’re fleeting and not reflective of your true feelings or the reality of your situation! :slight_smile:

However, I understand how difficult it can be to silence those thoughts, especially when they seem to linger and resurface at the most inconvenient times. It’s a constant battle between what you know logically and what your anxious mind tries to convince you of…

Perhaps you can try to focus on the present moment and the positive aspects of your relationship, for example trying mindfulness activities. You can also remind yourself of the love and support you receive from your partner, and give yourself permission to enjoy the happiness you’ve found together :slight_smile: And whenever those intrusive thoughts arise, try to acknowledge them without judgment and gently guide your focus back to the reality of your loving relationship.

If it gets too overwhelming, I would encourage you to try speaking to a mental health professional to help you with strategies on overcoming these struggles. They’ll be there to journey with you. Here are some options you can try:

Let us know how you’re coping and if you’ve managed to reach out to a professional? Hear from you soon!

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Can’t agree more with @cottonsoul on this. I’ve had many intrusive thoughts too and thoughts that I’d never ever want to have. The important thing is to be able to discern what is right and wrong first, and only do the right things.

It’s really good to hear that you have a supportive partner. I feel like overthinking is somewhat ingrained in some of our personalities. If you’re an overthinker, you can distract yourself but you’ll fall back on overthinking many things. Even if you have a new partner, you’ll still overthink.

So I guess, hold on tight to your partner now and be thankful of the support she gives. And since she accepts you for who you are, you can try accepting yourself for who you are too.

hmm you sound similar to my husband. even though we have been married for more than twenty years, he would still ask me questions like “do you regret marrying me? you deserve a better person. you could marry someone richer, smarter, etc”

funny thing is he didn’t recognise that his love for me is the most important reason and the only one i care about.

so don’t worry too much about your insecurity. the right partner will reassure you month after month, year after year.

just continue to love her in the best and only way you can.

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